My Partner has brought an season ticket without asking me how i feel, and I’m due to have our baby boy in august

[Firsttimemum1999]

Hi all,

I don’t know if I’m being reasonable, my partner went out and brought his first ever season ticket yesterday, but he never once asked me about how I felt about him getting one he automatically did it while I asked him before I do stuff. I’m due to have our little boy in august when the seasons starts, which makes things even worst. I’ll be looking after him all day when he’s working and I feel like I’m going to be constantly looking after our son all the time and I won’t get that time to myself which he can clearly get. He doesn’t seem to understand how I’m feeling about it all and when I try and tell him I’m the bad guy. I don’t mind him getting one but thought he could have at least waiting an few years for when our son was abit older. Because just before my due date there is two matches and I told him when I’m getting close I don’t want him to really go out and he’s determining to go to the matches. I generally constantly Feels like he’s putting his needs and wants before his unborn son

[NiceTwin]

I think you're over reacting and it is perfectly reasonable for him to go on the match every other weekend.
Why don't you plan the alternate Saturday's for yourself, while he stays home and looks after the baby.

[Firsttimemum1999]

When they’re not at home he’ll be working at his other job as there’s two football team where I’m from, so when our team at home he’ll be going to the matches but when our team not at home he’ll be working at his other job, but he was talking about not seeing him hardly a few days ago and then yesterday he went and brought that ticket.

[JaffaRaf]

You can’t tell him not to go out because your due a baby soon, I can understand asking him not to get drunk or whatever but saying he can’t go out is unreasonable. Who’s money did he buy it with? Does it stop you being able to buy baby things? If it does then he’s being unreasonable. But honestly you can’t expect him to not have a season ticket for several years because he has a child.

[BigButtons]

Him not being available any weekend is not on.

[Enko]

Then he comes up with a suggestion that is fair for both of you. If he works away games perhaps he only goes to every 2nd of the home games. Put it on him to resolve fairly so you BOTH get time off.

[Bibidy]

Does he need to work his other job on the weekends his team isn't playing?

[CMSdividend]

OP I get it and he's utterly selfish. I have a similar partner. You'll get lots of suggestions of "well, just have a day to yourself on the Sunday/find something to do when he's at the match" which means you'll never have any family time and you'll always be waiting around for him to be free. He's basically telling you the baby is your responsibility and you are default childcare even on the times he's not working.
I'd be put out too, but like you am probably not assertive enough to put my foot down.

[fairynick]

I can’t believe people think this is okay.
Why can he go out every weekend? The mother clearly can’t. It’s unacceptable and he needs to sell it.

[Firsttimemum1999]

We’ve not fully got everything what we need for the baby yet as we just needs bits and bobs now and he turn around and said buying that ticket has made him skint despite him getting paid yesterday as well, So we’re now relying on my pay day to buy the rest of the baby stuff where I don’t get paid as much as him. I asked him not to go out because when he goes out he tends to get drunk which is what I meant to have said, he always come back drunk. It was that he was never bothered about getting an season ticket before while we’ve been together but now We’re expecting an child he went to get one. He will be coming home from work during the weekdays matches and than going straight back out to the match and same on an Saturday as well then might be working at his other job that night

[IceCreamAndCandyfloss]

I don’t think a few hours every other week is a lot to ask especially after he’s been work and then works the other weekends too. If you want a few hours to yourself every two weeks then you can surely do that around his working hours.

[MiddleParking]

Weird responses obviously it’s completely unreasonable of him, and he knows that himself - that’s why he didn’t discuss it with you.

[Firsttimemum1999]

I’ve said that to him does he still need his other job because he’s usually work weekends at that job and he like no but I don’t wanna leave as they’ve been too good to me and help me get to where I needed to be.

[Bibidy]

Yeah this is not on OP.

He shouldn't have spent that much-needed money on this season ticket, nor should he be expecting to be absent every weekend when he has a young baby. Not OK.

Do you have other support around so you can at least get out and about/have visitors on those weekends?

[DancesWithTortoises]

Totally unreasonable. I'd seriously think about ending the relationship. It won't get any better. He's a selfish prick.

[Firsttimemum1999]

@CMSdividend

OP I get it and he's utterly selfish. I have a similar partner. You'll get lots of suggestions of "well, just have a day to yourself on the Sunday/find something to do when he's at the match" which means you'll never have any family time and you'll always be waiting around for him to be free. He's basically telling you the baby is your responsibility and you are default childcare even on the times he's not working.
I'd be put out too, but like you am probably not assertive enough to put my foot down.

Yeah that what I’ve told him I feel like it be me 24/7 looking after our child and that I feel like he’s not his first priority, not I’ve never been able to put my foot down because if I do im the bad guy, especially when he’s leaves for work 6 in the morning and doesn’t gets home until 5:30 in the evening and then going to an football match straight after

[Zilla1]

In a few days, it mght be an idea to ask his what his expectations are about looking after his baby, spending time as a family and family finances. It will be interesting to see how he sees the time demands of his jobs and football working after the birth.

[HunterHearstHelmsley]

Well home matches aren't "every other Saturday" now so it's unlikely to work out like that.

Is it a "big" team? Is there a waiting list for season tickets?

[Firsttimemum1999]

@Bibidy

Yeah this is not on OP.

He shouldn't have spent that much-needed money on this season ticket, nor should he be expecting to be absent every weekend when he has a young baby. Not OK.

Do you have other support around so you can at least get out and about/have visitors on those weekends?

My best friend has offered to help or to baby sit him and so has my mum if I ever want time to myself while he’s doing whatever he wants to do but I don’t wanna put that down to them for me to have my space or time as I thought it should be my partner responsibility for me to have that time

[WB205020]

Im sorry OP but he sees you are the only caregiver and thinks he can carry on like he currently is. You need to put your foot down and hard. You cant tell him he cant buy a season ticket but you can tell him he needs to be actively involved in child care at the weekend or whenever he isnt working. Its part of being a couple. Make your feelings clear now so there is no misunderstanding.

[Firsttimemum1999]

@HunterHearstHelmsley

Well home matches aren't "every other Saturday" now so it's unlikely to work out like that.

Is it a "big" team? Is there a waiting list for season tickets?

He’s be working on an Saturday if the other team is at home at an pub and this team is away, There was no waiting list for season tickets as he went yesterday and get got it straight away and didn’t have to be put on an waiting list

[Candydreamer]

this is classic "mum will pick up the slack so I dont need to check with her" territory. the assumption that mum will be the main care giver and wont mind.

the problem is, it's a mindset that is so ingrained in our society it feels hard to challenge. as an example, my dad and now, my partner, will go to the pub after work and not say a word. or will say oh I've got to do xyz on saturday. however, mum accounts for her whereabouts all the time - if I say I'm going somewhere the assumption is I will take the children with me or sort them out. if dad goes somewhere, it's also assumed the children will stay with me or sort them out.

not ALL fathers but this scenario is extremely common. if you dont want to fall into that trap you need to put your foot down early. Tell him you need equal time to wind down or ask him what the plans are for baby sitting as you have plans for saturday too (this is of course after the baby is here). dont accept all responsibility when it comes to child care and bringing them up.

[Bibidy]

My best friend has offered to help or to baby sit him and so has my mum if I ever want time to myself while he’s doing whatever he wants to do but I don’t wanna put that down to them for me to have my space or time as I thought it should be my partner responsibility for me to have that time

Yes absolutely think he's out of line, just was thinking of you actually having company during the time he's not around if he's going to be out so much on the weekend.

If he's at the football Saturday, would he be home Sundays? Or does he work Sundays too?

[Firsttimemum1999]

I told him exactly how I feel but he’s like whatever blah blah blah, and making out im the bad guy, he leave our home at 6 in the morning to go to work and doesn’t come back home until half 5, then on an Saturday he’s got another job at an pub where he’s tends to work nights leaving our home again at 6:30 and doesn’t get back home until half 1 in the morning, he work once an fortnight on an Saturday at his main job he leave our house at 7 and then gets home for about half 12

[Oceanbliss]

@Firsttimemum1999 I don’t think he is being very supportive of you. The first few months of a newborn baby is the most exhausting and you will be recovering from birth. He is your partner and he is also a parent. I don’t think it is unreasonable to expect him to be there parenting with you in the first few months as much as he can.

Having a baby changes your life and it is unreasonable of him to act like it won’t change his life.

Also, this is your first time giving birth and the first time can be exciting and scary. You deserve to know and trust that your partner is going to be there for you.

Congratulations on your impending birth

[leakymcleakleak]

Some of these responses are insane to me. When we had a newborn, I think DH socialised without me and the baby....twice in the first six months? And that was going to a close family wedding for a few hours (we all went to the church bit) and popping to a friends birthday drinks. The rest of the time, when he wasn't working, he was focused on us. I was often counting down the minutes to him getting in from work so I could hand the baby over and go have a few minutes to sit on my own. I literally can't imagine the kind of relationship where someone is spending one of their two non-work days off on their own half the time. What if the baby has been up all night before and you need to go to bed for a few hours? What if they're sickly?

I think you need a serious conversation. Have your mutual friends got children? Do you know how involved/hands-on they are?