DH Cross with DM for something that hasn't happened yet

(141 Posts)
Redbluegold Mon 26-Jul-21 22:55:34

Two DC 3 and 1.5. Neither sleeps through the night. Dh and I have booked a night in a hotel in our city in a couple of weeks, my DM said she'd watch our DC overnight. Arrangement is she'll do their dinner, bedtime etc then watch them the next day and we'll be home mid afternoon.

Chatting to DM today. She was asking about bedtime routine etc. Asked what to do of both girls wake up. I told her what I'd do. She said, v light heartedly, that she might call us to come home if she gets no sleep. Highly unlikely but also totally reasonable, I think.

Relayed this to DH. He stormed off in a huff saying my DM shouldn't have agreed to have them overnight if she can't keep her promise. Gone off to sleep in the spare room.

Who's BU? DM for saying she might need us to come back (v off the cuff comment, not like she'll call at 10pm because they're not asleep, she meant more like call at 11am the next morning). Or DH for storming off in a huff, thinking the weekend has been already?

OP’s posts: |
TestingTestingWonTooFree Mon 26-Jul-21 22:56:57

DH is being a dick

5togo Mon 26-Jul-21 22:59:35

I don’t think she should have said that. If there’s any chance she’s serious you will be on edge waiting for the call. You want to be able to relax!

Cattitudes Mon 26-Jul-21 23:02:06

If she gets no sleep the dc are likely to have been upset and unsettled having not settled for her so I would want to be back to settle my dc.

CrocodilesCry Mon 26-Jul-21 23:02:25

I'd be annoyed she said that TBH. It sounds like you need a break, and you and your DH need to know she's not going to make you come home if the kids don't settle. I'd find someone else to look after them.

BlueSurfer Mon 26-Jul-21 23:02:41

Is your DH prone to toddler-like tantrums? Must be exhausting feeling like you have three children.

Notaroadrunner Mon 26-Jul-21 23:02:44

His reaction is completely ott.


Mouthfulofquiz Mon 26-Jul-21 23:05:36

To be honest I think your mum is a bit out of order. She must know that this will mean you can’t really enjoy your break as you will be waiting for the call. My in laws are like this. I usually end up saying ‘thanks for the offer but it sounds a bit too much for you’ and then my dad comes and looks after them on his own, no bother.

AnyOldPrion Mon 26-Jul-21 23:06:40

Did you relay it to DH as a serious possibility/warning?

Must admit, I’d be a bit peeved if I was planning a night away and my MIL said she might call us back if she gets no sleep. Calling in the morning so you come home marginally earlier then mid-afternoon is one thing, but if I thought she might call at six am because they’d woken her early, I wouldn’t be happy as it would make it very difficult to relax.

So I’m not sure who’s unreasonable. If your mum was joking, why would you repeat it to your DH? Sounds like it might be one of those “jokes” that only become funny when you’re defending something someone said that was a bit off.

Vodkalimeandice Mon 26-Jul-21 23:10:45

I think it's you. Why relay that to him when you Said yourself it was very lighthearted ?

SeeYouInFive Mon 26-Jul-21 23:11:03

I’m sort of with your husband here.

Storming off to sleep in the spare room is over the top, but I can see why he’s annoyed. What are you supposed to do now your mum has said that? Can she cope or can’t she? Will you be able to have a drink or will one of you have to stay sober in case she calls? Is this a nice relaxing night away, or not?

Presumably part of his overreaction is down to the fact that he’s really looking forward to some rare child free time with you and now it sounds like it might be jeopardised.

PerciphonePuma Mon 26-Jul-21 23:11:58

Your DH is being manipulative! Sleeping in the spare room because he doesn't like something your Mum said?!?! WTF?!

Yeah, he's doing that to make you think fuck, I need to have a word with my Mum to make sure she doesn't call and ruin our break. When all he had to do was to have a discussion with you (or with your DM!) about it. Very manipulative and a huge red flag. HUGE

plodalong12 Mon 26-Jul-21 23:13:19

Totally on your DH side.

If it was as light-hearted and off the cuff as you say it was, why did you then go on to describe her comment as being “totally reasonable”? If it was as light-hearted and off the cuff as you say it was, why the need to “relay” anything back to him?

aSofaNearYou Mon 26-Jul-21 23:16:53

I think they're both a bit unreasonable. He's of course unreasonable to go off in a huff, but at the same time I agree with others that it would have been kinder of your mum not to have said that and to have just let you relax.

Somarefuser Mon 26-Jul-21 23:21:26

Sounds like he doesn’t get on well with your mum generally, and he’s stressed.
So go, and either you don’t drink, or you find a back-up friend/relative to support your mum if she thinks she won’t cope.
Stupid thing to say if it’s a joke, I assume it’s the first time you’ve left her with both?

BackforGood Mon 26-Jul-21 23:22:37

Whereas your dh's reaction seems OTT, it is your DM who is being unreasonable.

If she is willing and able to look after them, then she should do so, and not leave you on edge all weekend expecting a phonecall.

5togo Mon 26-Jul-21 23:23:14

So will you be checking your phone all night just in case your mother calls?

Iwantamarshmallowman Mon 26-Jul-21 23:24:48

I agree with your DH on this one. No way would 2i want to risk going away to be called back home. Personally i would find another babysitter or cancell the trip.

Howshouldibehave Mon 26-Jul-21 23:25:31

Your DH is being very childish and dramatic-if this isn’t a one-off for him, I think YABU for telling him a passing comment your mum
Has made.

PieceOfString Mon 26-Jul-21 23:26:33

Big fat overreaction. But is he at breaking point with needing a break? Sometimes when we are up to our eyeballs for too long we get things out of perspective and overreact being massively not it best seive. Maybe he has got so much riding on this in his head that this was a bit final straw for him.
So if this is out of character, reassure him and tell him kindly he's taken things too much to heart and overreacted. If this is typical behaviour for him that's a whole other story.

RyanAirVeteran Mon 26-Jul-21 23:27:29

Your mother is a selfish controlling arse. HTH

Even my DM who was the worst ever GM in the babysitting stakes, would have sucked it until the morning.

You were equally juvenile for passing the comment on.

Pair of you in it. TBQH

Sally872 Mon 26-Jul-21 23:27:35

I would expect to be called if the children were ill or inconsolable, not due to tiredness. Your mum shouldn't have said that, but not the end of the world if light hearted. Though I would find it irritating.

Sounds like dh is disappointed at overnight being cut short and not taking the joke. Storming away is ott though.

saraclara Mon 26-Jul-21 23:28:31

Sleeping in the spare room because he doesn't like something your Mum said?!?! WTF?!
That. The man's a child.

FortniteBoysMum Mon 26-Jul-21 23:28:37

To be honest my mum had our boys over night once on my birthday as we went to London. Had been arranged for months that she was having them over night and they were 12 and 9 so not little. She called me in the middle of our meal in London asking what time we would be home as she had enough. I pointed out our train tickets were booked for the next afternoon and to come home sooner meant spending about £100 to get tickets home and loosing money on the hotel. She huffed and put the phone down. Totally ruined the night off which was our first in about 4 years. Be very clear of what she deems as a valid reason to call you home and from what point on first. You wouldn't want a call at 1am saying they are keeping her up you need to get back ASAP.

Gregwiggle Mon 26-Jul-21 23:29:42

Your mum was being lighthearted and is looking after your kids overnight. How is she being unreasonable? You shouldn't have relayed it to your DH really - things get lost in translation.

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