Already given savings, DSS wants more.

(521 Posts)
ScottyandWestie Sun 25-Jul-21 20:09:20

Posting here for traffic as feeling terribly conflicted and a bit taken for granted.
DSS mid twenties has been round with his girlfriend asking for cash from us toward a house deposit.
Due to covid husband had to take a pay cut and we don't really have anything to give right now.
DSS knows we have a couple of thousand set aside as DSD will be 21 in February and we have approx 5k to give her as we did DSS on his 21st. It's a saving plan we did for each of them since they were young children.
He and his girlfriend were complaining about house prices and I know it's awful, the 5k he had from us seemed to go on holidays and bits for his cycling hobby.
We dont have anything to give and while DSD knows the money is coming to her she has said she will keep it in savings, she has no plans to spend it.
DSS girlfriend was making me feel guilty as her Dad is helping them out, but we don't have the spare cash and we have already given him 5K. It's not our fault he spent it.
I do not want to ask DSD and I feel the money should be protected he shouldn't have any access to it at all but he is pushing my husband, his father to speak to DSD about it.
My husband and myself never had any family financial help, I appreciate getting on the housing ladder was easier years ago but this isn't his money. Also what will happen when DSD needs it?
As I'm not his parent it's awkward but I feel husband should not even entertain the idea of asking DSD to give it to her brother.
Any suggestions?

OP’s posts: |
GetTaeFuck Sun 25-Jul-21 20:11:03

He can fuck off, he pissed his money up the wall, boo hoo.

Bagelsandbrie Sun 25-Jul-21 20:12:07


He can fuck off, he pissed his money up the wall, boo hoo.

Yep this. What a cheek!!

CrouchEndTiger12 Sun 25-Jul-21 20:12:19


He can fuck off, he pissed his money up the wall, boo hoo.

Pretty much and I'd say that too him!

I trust his girlfriend has also asked her own family for money. They can provide it.

LadyCatStark Sun 25-Jul-21 20:12:19

She’ll never see that moment of you give it to her brother!

Quartz2208 Sun 25-Jul-21 20:12:27

You cannot give what you simply dont have.

He is asking for something that simply doesnt exist and he cant take it from his sister.

LadyCatStark Sun 25-Jul-21 20:12:32

*money if 🙈


Mrsmadevans Sun 25-Jul-21 20:12:36

I appreciate how badly you feel about this but unless he asks your Dsd to give him her 5k, if you haven't got it then you haven't got it .

Ninkanink Sun 25-Jul-21 20:12:46

You’re absolutely right! No WAY should he demand his sister’s money just because he pissed the money you gave him up the wall!

Please tell me your DH isn’t actually being swayed by him?

Your poor DSD.

Xmassprout Sun 25-Jul-21 20:12:57

Keep reiterating that he had 5k that he could have used. There is no more money.

Your step daughters money shouldn't even come into consideration, regardless of her plans

UmamiMammy Sun 25-Jul-21 20:13:00

He is a massive cheeky fucker...............tell him to do one!

No way should DSD's money be anywhere near him!!!!

dudsville Sun 25-Jul-21 20:13:09

Just tell him no. It'll be easier for you all in the long run if you clear from the start.

breakfasty Sun 25-Jul-21 20:13:30

Good life lesson for DSS. You absolutely cannot ask DSD to give that money to her brother and her dad needs to protect her from feeling like she has to.

ScottyandWestie Sun 25-Jul-21 20:13:31

Yes the girlfriends father is giving them money and lending them money too. They have their eyes on an expensive new build.

OP’s posts: |
Quartz2208 Sun 25-Jul-21 20:13:40

and he certainly shouldnt be asking his Dad to speak to his sister who presumably will need it too

MadMadMadamMim Sun 25-Jul-21 20:13:44

It is disgusting that he thinks he is entitled to the money you are intending to give to his sister - money that he has already had.

His GF is a cheeky fucker for daring to come and speak to you about it, or to have an opinion. Tell her to get to fuck.

It's incredibly entitled to decide you'd like to buy a house and you'll go and tap someone else for your deposit, because you've got no savings. Particularly someone who has been forced to take a pay cut due to Covid.

HeReWeGoAgAiN1112 Sun 25-Jul-21 20:13:46

Tell him no.

shapes1 Sun 25-Jul-21 20:13:46


Katedanielshasakitty Sun 25-Jul-21 20:13:52

Absolutely don't ask dsd.

Simple facts are that you don't have the money to help him out.

Dsd money, is not available to help him out.

How he spent the 5k he got is irrelevant. As is the fact that he knows she will be getting it.

The fact that her dad is helping out is entirely irrelevant too.

If there's no money, there's no money. Even if there was money, you are not obliged to help them.

What does his dad think?

DiscoGlitterBall Sun 25-Jul-21 20:13:56

Well it is a simple no surely?

Have you both contributed to these saving plans and are they in both your names or the name of the child? If it was just your husband contributing and only in his name I guess you would have little influence over it.

You’ll not see that 5k again if you give it to them (or lend it to them) unless you get a contract written.

Don’t ask DSD about it, it’s irrelevant what she would or wouldn’t do with it.

You husband should clearly say no to DSS and repeat until he stops asking/hinting

GetTaeFuck Sun 25-Jul-21 20:14:02


Yes the girlfriends father is giving them money and lending them money too. They have their eyes on an expensive new build.

Tough shit, they should buy what they can afford. Don’t indulge this man child any further, fgs.

breakfasty Sun 25-Jul-21 20:14:10

So what her father can afford it, you can't. End of.

ScottyandWestie Sun 25-Jul-21 20:15:03

I need to get my husband to take a tough stance. I don't want him to even mention it to DSD.

OP’s posts: |
THisbackwithavengeance Sun 25-Jul-21 20:15:06

Of course DSD's money shouldn't be given to DSS.

"We already gave you £5000 and if you spent it on something other than a house deposit, that was your choice as an adult. I'm sorry we have no more money to spare."

Seesawmummadaw Sun 25-Jul-21 20:15:09

He’s being very entitled.
He/they need to earn the extra money that they need just like everyone else.

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