To not want partner to have a family picture with his ex

(334 Posts)
jojobaoil Sat 24-Jul-21 21:29:41

Partner has been split up from his ex for 3 years. They have a child together. I've been with him a year.

He has a picture of the three of them when their child was just born, in a cabinet in his front room. He's had the image there for ages - since I've been with him but there was a piece of card in a heart shape covering her up. Today I saw it had slipped down and I could see her face and I said to him semi light hearted that he needs to get rid and why does he still have a picture with her there. He immediately got up and said he will sort it and folded back the bit with her on it. I was happy at the time.....but now I'm thinking about it, why not remove the picture or rip the part with her on it off...? I might be being unreasonable but they were together for 8 years and I don't understand why he would still want that picture around whether or not she is the mother of his child. They are amicable, not over friendly and I don't think he would go back there but I don't get it. I've thrown out every pic of my child's dad - they sees their dad weekly so won't forget what he looks like!

AIBU for wanting him to get rid? Or am I being silly...

OP’s posts: |
ComDummings Sat 24-Jul-21 21:32:20

I can see why it bothers you but I think it’s quite nice for their child to see a picture of their mum and dad together. It’s not something that would bother me personally. It’s not like it’s a massive canvas over the fireplace or a shrine to her or something.

Essentialironingwater Sat 24-Jul-21 21:33:03

You are being silly. It's a nice memory of a time, even if they're no longer together, and will be lovely for his child to see later in life. It's a photo! What else is going on in the relationship to make you so insecure?

NavigationCentral Sat 24-Jul-21 21:33:21

You want him to rip out the face of the mother of his child from a picture.

Please just think.

Just fucking think.

If you have a child with him, and you guys get a newborn family pic, then you split up - would you want him to resent you enough to rip your face off the pic?

What the actual fuck is wrong with people.

StarryStarrySocks Sat 24-Jul-21 21:33:44

You're being ridiculous and your poor kid not having any photos of them with their dad when they were wee. sad

MittensOnKittens03 Sat 24-Jul-21 21:34:56

Yabu
It’s the mother of his child and his young baby.
Why do you feel so upset about it? Do you not trust him?

cunningartificer Sat 24-Jul-21 21:35:22

NavigationCentral. Well put.

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JustLyra Sat 24-Jul-21 21:35:49

It's a photo of when his child was just born. My ex is in two photos in my lounge - one when our girls were first born and one from a very special occasion for DD1. I wouldn't dream of ever getting rid of them, and DH wouldn't dream of asking.

SheABitSpicyToday Sat 24-Jul-21 21:35:55

Grow up. It’s for the child not for you.

Aquamarine1029 Sat 24-Jul-21 21:36:19

but now I'm thinking about it, why not remove the picture or rip the part with her on it off...?

Rip out the face of the mother of his child. Really. That's a reasonable solution to you? Your boyfriend should be running for the hills.

SuperLoudPoppingAction Sat 24-Jul-21 21:36:26

Eesh.
I think it's nice for children to see photos of their family.
My children would all find it a bit weird to see their dad covered up or ripped away. The symbolism is a bit much.
I just have them in albums instead of on display.

VienneseWhirligig Sat 24-Jul-21 21:36:28

My DH was so bitter after his ex wife cheated and left him with the kids that he set fire to his wedding album. He couldn't understand why I found that sad, but his kids didn't see their mother at all and didn't remember their parents being together, I thought it would have been nice for them to see that their parents were once happy and in love. I find destruction of photos so sad.

TheSunShinesBrighter Sat 24-Jul-21 21:36:28

He should put it away in a box/ cupboard so that he can give it to his child when their older.
No way should it be on display if he has anew partner even if he and his ex are amicable.

Iwastheparanoidex Sat 24-Jul-21 21:36:31

NavigationCentral

You want him to rip out the face of the mother of his child from a picture.

Please just think.

Just fucking think.

If you have a child with him, and you guys get a newborn family pic, then you split up - would you want him to resent you enough to rip your face off the pic?

What the actual fuck is wrong with people.

This.

JustLyra Sat 24-Jul-21 21:37:07

I've thrown out every pic of my child's dad - they sees their dad weekly so won't forget what he looks like!

So your children have no photos of them with their Dad when they were little? And no photos of them with both of their parents?

That's ridiculously selfish.

TheSunShinesBrighter Sat 24-Jul-21 21:38:07

Agree that ripping it up is a ridiculous idea.

They are in good terms. How would that look if his child saw it? Awful.

Kanaloa Sat 24-Jul-21 21:38:27

You told him he needs to ‘get rid?’ Wow. Some people are adults and can look back on a relationship (even though it’s ended) with fondness. Ripping her out of a photo isn’t going to erase her from a memory he cherishes, the birth of his child.

CassandrasCastle Sat 24-Jul-21 21:40:21

I've not been in your position but...you sound very unreasonable

Blossomtoes Sat 24-Jul-21 21:41:23

You need to grow up, OP. Or find yourself a new partner.

ExtraOnions Sat 24-Jul-21 21:43:00

My husband has pictures (he has 3 kids with his ex), of Christenings and other events … doesn’t bother me in the slightest … it’s not as if he’s going to look at it and think “I made a terrible mistake, I need to get back with my ex”. They have children together, I respect that . We’ve been together for 17 years, so I’m pretty sure I’m ok !

jojobaoil Sat 24-Jul-21 21:44:16

Ok maybe the rip it off bit is OTT I admit but to me it's like he's clinging on to what they had. He has no pictures of me in his house. I feel like an outsider I guess, how can I compete in a sense with what they had...they have an ok relationship at times but recently had an issue where police were called.

When we first started dating I got a message on FB from someone he was seeing but not in a relationship with, warning me off him, that he's still into his ex. I never got that vibe from him but now I think that he still has that photo among all the other photos of his loved ones...I guess I do feel insecure.

OP’s posts: |
Floralnomad Sat 24-Jul-21 21:45:27

Sorry OP but you sound incredibly immature .

GreyTS Sat 24-Jul-21 21:45:52

NavigationCentral

You want him to rip out the face of the mother of his child from a picture.

Please just think.

Just fucking think.

If you have a child with him, and you guys get a newborn family pic, then you split up - would you want him to resent you enough to rip your face off the pic?

What the actual fuck is wrong with people.


This!!! What is wrong with people

Redglitter Sat 24-Jul-21 21:46:24

but now I'm thinking about it, why not remove the picture or rip the part with her on it off

Perhaps because regardless of what happened later it was a happy time in his life and its nice for his child to see a photo of them with both parents

Are you 12 or something ffs

DroopyClematis Sat 24-Jul-21 21:46:28

It would be very sad to alter a photo to suit your feelings, particularly if children are involved.
I understand your feelings but children should be able to see photos of their biological family.

Myself, I have no photos. Can't be bothered with them. I have albums and boxes that I flit through every now and again and they mean a lot when I see them.
I just don't want them hanging around.

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