What the hell is wrong with him?

[beastlyslumber]

I told him if he really wants to leave then just fucking leave. In fact, I showed him the way out. Ten minutes later he's STILL banging away against the closed part of the open window. WIBU to get the insecticide out?

[Hellocatshome]

Ah give him a chance they are not that bright, can you sort of usher him in the right direction?

[PuntasticUsername]

STB (splat the bastard)

[beastlyslumber]

Hahaha puntastic

He's still here! I've tried gently wafting him in the right direction. He won't listen to anything I say!

[PuntasticUsername]

Have you tried telling him to go in the other direction?

[Hellocatshome]

Try Google translate, he might not speak English

[Soubriquet]

I’ve actually been telling them to leave out and plain

“Please leave now”. Weirdly enough, it works. Everytime

Dh has started calling me Queen on the flies though

[BlackberrySky]

Get a spatula and usher him in the right direction.

[safariboot]

YABU. Electricity is more environmentally friendly than sprays.

[beastlyslumber]

That's what I do soubriquet and it usually works (only on bees and wasps though, not flies).

[beastlyslumber]

@BlackberrySky

Get a spatula and usher him in the right direction.

Maybe I should make it a SPLATula instead!

[Sparrowsong]

Please don’t kill bees, they are really important and are struggling. If bees die out, humans die out!

[PurpleWaterBlue]

I personally waver between the kind gentle soul Saint Francis/Dr. Dolittle quiet calm approach with encouraging wafting and running off screaming before panicking and splatting the fucker with a fly swatter at arms length.

[MittensOnKittens03]

I thought you were taking about your partner

I haven’t even had wine and wondered what sort of thread I’d stumbled across

[beastlyslumber]

@Sparrowsong

Please don’t kill bees, they are really important and are struggling. If bees die out, humans die out!

Chill out. It's not a bee.

[beastlyslumber]

@MittensOnKittens03

I thought you were taking about your partner

I haven’t even had wine and wondered what sort of thread I’d stumbled across

Hahaha yes, hoping to create a new MNism. DTB (defenestrate the bastard)!

[CandyLeBonBon]

Do you think it could be dementia? Confusion and unawareness of surroundings can be a symptom. I'd call 101 now if I were you.

[1forAll74]

My cats sometimes eat flies and moths when the offending creatures are near the windows.. maybe if I have run out of cat food haha.

[CCC1]

Clear and consistent approach. Give him exit options and reinforce your expectations. He’s a big boy now. The door is there he doesn’t need handholding to find it.

I am currently doing this with a rogue bunch of cabbage whites who are ignoring the companion planting they are welcome to lay eggs on and desecrate but are going for the brassicas. I am very disappointed in them. However they now scatter in shame when I approach.

I have also had to put some sweet peas in the naughty corner. They’ve done a dying swan act despite being very well cared for and their siblings tolerating much harsher conditions. We’re all bloody hot FFS. So I’ve nipped all their buds off and told them to have a long hard think about what they want from life. My husband and son think I’m crackers but the sweet peas are now sorting themselves out beautifully.

[beastlyslumber]

@CandyLeBonBon

Do you think it could be dementia? Confusion and unawareness of surroundings can be a symptom. I'd call 101 now if I were you.

I'd call 999 but I'm worried they might arrest me instead of him! I have now threatened his life many times...

[beastlyslumber]

So I’ve nipped all their buds off and told them to have a long hard think about what they want from life

Can't decide if this is more "sentences I never thought I'd read" or "most mumsnetty sentence EVER"

[CCC1]

@beastlyslumber
“Can't decide if this is more "sentences I never thought I'd read" or "most mumsnetty sentence EVER" grin”

Blimey I need to have a word with myself clearly don’t I? 😆. In fairness it’s been a long Covid hell and the people in my house are less conversational and more grumpy than plants and creatures in my surrounds. Small wins and all that. 😆

[QuinnMovesOn]

I'm still not entirely sure what this thread is about. But yes, whatever doesn't get you arrested for assault.

[Hankunamatata]

If a moth. Scream and run out of the room

[ClareBlue]

One set our smoke detector off tonight. Has anyone else had this happen?

[Holothane]

This thread has me howling “the peas are sorting themselves out now beautifully” hilarious thanks best laugh in ages.