To be furious?

(109 Posts)
Chewythedog Sat 24-Jul-21 15:48:14

My DH has always been keen on sport. I didn’t realise how obsessed he was until we were several kids down the line. He used to play football and cricket but knocked it on the head when we first started seeing each other as we lived a distance apart.

He’s hyper mobile and in his teens injured his knee playing football. He went back to it when we had our first two kids. Then followed a bad injury, physio apparently said he could go back and low and behold another injury. I said no more. We have two kids with special needs. Both are quite challenging. He’s stuck to the gym and another non sport hobby until…

Then his friend arranged an older blokes casually football team. Once again he decided he’d play and if I’d said no he’d have gotten moody. Then last night he rang me from a&e. He’d done something to his archiles tendon. He’s now in a boot with crutches. He can do nothing apart from lay on the sofa. We go on holiday next week. I’ve always said due to his hyper mobility and issues with his legs in particular running and sports where you are running wouldn’t be brilliant for him. I’m furious. I’m sick of what feels like his selfishness that his need to do sport overrides sense. He has never had an injury except when involved in football.

OP’s posts: |
RedHelenB Sat 24-Jul-21 15:50:51

Yabu but deep down I think you know that.

Aquamarine1029 Sat 24-Jul-21 15:51:40

I'd be fed up, too. Once again, everything falls to you, right?

magicstar1 Sat 24-Jul-21 15:56:53

How on earth is she unreasonable? He knows he can’t play football. He knows they’re on holiday next week with two kids with special needs, and he still risks it?
Now OP has to do everything? Not U at all.

Blossomandbee Sat 24-Jul-21 15:58:18

I feel for him if his health stops him from doing something he loves. But yanbu to be fed up, and it is selfish of him to carry on, repeatedly get injuries, and expect you to pick up the slack. Unfortunately he has limitations and he needs to accept that.

Pingued Sat 24-Jul-21 16:01:03

Is he expecting you to look after him too?

PinkiOcelot Sat 24-Jul-21 16:01:26

Not unreasonable at all. I would be furious.

Are you still able to go on holiday next week?

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Pingued Sat 24-Jul-21 16:03:16

Have you got a friend or relative you can take on holiday to help?

roarfeckingroarr Sat 24-Jul-21 16:04:13

Aquamarine1029

I'd be fed up, too. Once again, everything falls to you, right?


I agree with this

girlmom21 Sat 24-Jul-21 16:06:50

Of course YABU. He's allowed hobbies. There's always a risk of injury when playing sports, especially if he hasn't for a while, but he enjoys it.

TurquoiseDragon Sat 24-Jul-21 16:07:15

Not unreasonable. He's now laid up and presumably everything is now falling on you. He knows he has a higher risk of injury with football/running sports but goes ahead and does it anyway. That is pretty much the definition of selfishness to me.

I wouldn't be happy either.

gogohm Sat 24-Jul-21 16:08:48

I'd be furious too. At least my exh realised when it was time to stop playing 11 aside and went into goal at interdepartmental 6 aside football. Cricket he stopped because it was stopping us this weekends away (he played occasionally to fill in instead).

AnneLovesGilbert Sat 24-Jul-21 16:09:13

girlmom21

Of course YABU. He's allowed hobbies. There's always a risk of injury when playing sports, especially if he hasn't for a while, but he enjoys it.

So fuck OP, the holiday and their two kids with additional nerds? Don’t be so stupid.

AnneLovesGilbert Sat 24-Jul-21 16:10:11

He’s being outrageously selfish OP. I’d be raging. Can you leave him at home and take someone else on your holiday? Can you cope going by yourself?

girlmom21 Sat 24-Jul-21 16:10:47

@AnneLovesGilbert so fuck him being able to ever do something he enjoys because he happens to have a medical condition?

Calling someone stupid for having a different opinion to yours is pretty unnecessary really.

They can still go on holiday and care for their kids. He hasn't had to have both his legs amputated for Christ sake.

0None0 Sat 24-Jul-21 16:13:37

magicstar1

How on earth is she unreasonable? He knows he can’t play football. He knows they’re on holiday next week with two kids with special needs, and he still risks it?
Now OP has to do everything? Not U at all.

Football isn’t dangerous abs hyper mobility does not preclude football in any way shape or form.

He is not unreasonable to join in a game of football with his mates occasionally

Achilles injuries happen when they happen, in the gym, walking downstairs, whenever. They are not linked to football particularly

AnneLovesGilbert Sat 24-Jul-21 16:14:45

He can do nothing apart from lay on the sofa.

Can he care for the kids from the sofa? Maybe you know this family better than OP does. She seems convinced he’s now going to be immobile and useless which may well mean they can’t go on the holiday.

Chewythedog Sat 24-Jul-21 16:15:45

He’s at higher risk for injury. I’m happy for him to have hobbies. He still uses the gym and has another hobby and sees friends. He even took up coaching our oldest son’s football team. I’m fed up as I’ve had to compromise due to our kids with Sen and I’ve put them above most things. I don’t want him to stop having a life but I feel when you’ve been injured playing football and you have responsibilities it’s unfair to keep doing it because you want to.

Yes, he can’t move off the sofa. So now I’m having to look after him plus our two kids with Sen.

@girlmom21, he can’t walk. He’s on crutches and is hobbling as he’s in pain. He has other hobbies but football is his main love. I just don’t see why each time he’s injured I have to pick up all the slack and I already do most of it.

OP’s posts: |
girlmom21 Sat 24-Jul-21 16:15:54

Can he care for the kids from the sofa? Maybe you know this family better than OP does. She seems convinced he’s now going to be immobile and useless which may well mean they can’t go on the holiday.

She's also furious at his for playing a sport because she forbade it. Maybe her judgment isn't the best.

Duchess379 Sat 24-Jul-21 16:16:51

I'm hypermobile - my joints dislocate doing mundane things, like rolling over in bed! As a result, I don't get involved in vigorous sports that can cause an injury. Your husband is a selfish sh*t. Leave him on the sofa, sort yourself & the kids out. If he can't pack his own clothes, he can stay at home.

girlmom21 Sat 24-Jul-21 16:16:51

@Chewythedog if he's got crutches and has injured one foot he can get about. He just can't walk like normal.

Chewythedog Sat 24-Jul-21 16:18:15

@0None0, he complains frequently about pains in joints and I know a lot of people with hyper mobility aren’t limited but the fact is every time he’s been injured it has been when playing football. No gym injuries, no walking injuries only ever playing football. I’m just frustrated because he does suffer with his legs as he’s had surgery on them. Neither of can afford to cause long term injury because we have kids with Sen who require a lot of help especially physically. He also now can’t drive to work.

OP’s posts: |
Pinkdelight3 Sat 24-Jul-21 16:18:48

so fuck him being able to ever do something he enjoys because he happens to have a medical condition?

well, yes unfortunately, that's the reality. I love running but I can't do it any more because my knees can't cope and I know it won't end well. There may always be a risk of injury with sport for everyone, but this guy is clearly high risk - add in his responsibilities and it's a dumb and selfish decision to prioritise football over his health, mobility and family. I've had to switch to swimming. He needs to do something other than football.

Chewythedog Sat 24-Jul-21 16:20:28

@girlmom21, I did forbid him to do anything. I’d have preferred him not to because of his history. But he’s his own person and at the end of the day playing is up to him.

He can’t walk properly. He can barely move when with crutches.

Our child need 1:1 care because they have severe disabilities meaning they are not safe. If they’re in another room he’s unable to see what they are doing so it falls to me.

OP’s posts: |
Chloemol Sat 24-Jul-21 16:21:49

@girlmom21

So he’s allowed a hobby at which he has been consistently injured and op is being unreasonable!

So basically he can’t do what he wants, and she picks up the pieces of holiday, special needs kids, looking after him and everyone else!

Well your partners lucky then, you being prepared to do all of that for your family if your partners hobby causes him an injury

But in the ops case she is not being unreasonable to be passed off. He knows he will likely get an injury, a week before going on holiday and with two kids with special needs. Sometimes an adult has to decide he can’t do what he used to and his kids need to come first

Op go on holiday without him

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