He wants to leave them alone in a hotel room

(232 Posts)
OrangeIsTheNewRed Thu 22-Jul-21 19:36:11

I have twin dc (6) with my ex and we mostly manage to coparent quite successfully. Occasionally though we have difficulties because of our parenting styles are very different.

In a couple of weeks he is taking them on holiday with his family and new partner. They're staying in the UK but far away and will need to stay in a hotel overnight.

When we were together and stayed in hotels with his family, his sister would routinely leave her young dc alone in the room while the grown-ups had dinner elsewhere in the hotel. She and her partner would check on them every half hour or so throughout the evening. I always thought this was totally wrong and irresponsible and when ex and I had our own dc, I refused to leave them alone and would stay in the room with my dc whilst everyone else got drunk over a long dinner/wedding reception/whatever. He and his family told me that I was paranoid and ridiculous.

We are no longer together (thank God) but now they're going to stay in a hotel and I won't be there. I have asked him to promise me that he won't leave them on their own, but to know avail.

There are so many dangers. Fire, they might wake up and be scared, they could hurt themselves, a member of staff who could be anyone could access the room. Not to mention Madeleine Mcann.

What do I do? Can I stop him taking them altogether? Help.

And yes, name changed but I am a long time regular. Penis beaker, have you cancelled the cheque yet, etc.

OP’s posts: |
OrangeIsTheNewRed Thu 22-Jul-21 19:37:53

To no avail

OP’s posts: |
Wjevtvha Thu 22-Jul-21 19:39:04

I wouldn’t allow them to go; try to communicate through text message so you’ve got written proof that he’s saying he will do that in case this comes up in court at some point.
I don’t get why at 6 he can’t just keep them up for dinner and have a bit of a later bedtime; it’s so unsafe for so many reasons.

Megasausagehead Thu 22-Jul-21 19:41:17

Oh gosh what a nightmare.

I don't think I could let them go.

Deathsquito Thu 22-Jul-21 19:41:40

If they were my dc, the only way he’d be taking them is if he pulled them out of my cold dead hands.

AlexaShutUp Thu 22-Jul-21 19:42:17

Yanbu to be unhappy about this at all, as it's very irresponsible, but I don't know where you stand with this in terms of being able to stop him from taking them. He is their parent and he wouldn't be doing anything illegal. Horrible situation to be in.

Schrutesbeets Thu 22-Jul-21 19:44:21

Can you find out the name of the hotel and report??? That's really worrying and I'd be feeling exactly the same.

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CanofCant Thu 22-Jul-21 19:44:44

YANBU, you will be on tenter hooks the whole time they are away imagining the worst. Why on earth would he take that risk? Prat.

I agree with Wjevtvha, get his plans to leave them in writing so that you can show you have a valid reason to not let him take them.

WetWeekends Thu 22-Jul-21 19:46:05

Deathsquito

If they were my dc, the only way he’d be taking them is if he pulled them out of my cold dead hands.

Me too!!

TipseyTorvey Thu 22-Jul-21 19:46:14

Pre Madeline I suppose some people might have found this acceptable. I didn't have kids then so thought it sounded fine. Now I'd never even consider it. 6 yo can get up, open the door, get locked in the corridor. Open a window, fall out. Flood a bathroom. No chance. 10 yo maybe for an hour with phones.

WetWeekends Thu 22-Jul-21 19:47:33

AlexaShutUp

Yanbu to be unhappy about this at all, as it's very irresponsible, but I don't know where you stand with this in terms of being able to stop him from taking them. He is their parent and he wouldn't be doing anything illegal. Horrible situation to be in.

Are you sure it’s not illegal to leave 6 year olds alone in a hotel room? I can imagine it being considered neglect which is obviously illegal. Maybe I’m wrong.

Pingued Thu 22-Jul-21 19:48:34

At 6 no way. Has he booked somewhere? A lot of places won't let under 18s stay unaccompanied these days.

whynotwhatknot Thu 22-Jul-21 19:49:25

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

GingerAndTheBiscuits Thu 22-Jul-21 19:51:12

Pingued

At 6 no way. Has he booked somewhere? A lot of places won't let under 18s stay unaccompanied these days.

How would the hotel even know?

SlothinSpirit Thu 22-Jul-21 19:51:25

I'd make sure they have a mobile phone so you can contact them. Then I'd make it very clear to your ex that you will be calling the police if he leaves them unaccompanied in the hotel room as he's putting them at risk. He can either get a babysitter or take them to dinner. His choice but you will not allow them to be put at risk.

puckingfixies Thu 22-Jul-21 19:51:54

Do you know which hotel he is booking, they should have a policy regarding minors being left unsupervised and may offer a babysitting service.

legalseagull Thu 22-Jul-21 19:54:17

I wouldn't let them go. Even if he promises, you don't trust him

Whimsy14 Thu 22-Jul-21 19:56:42

Not two six year olds. Far too much could go wrong. Why can't he get a family room? The twins could share a bed, surely?

trevthecat Thu 22-Jul-21 19:56:54

All that comes to mind here is the McCann's

Cattitudes Thu 22-Jul-21 19:57:04

If you can't stop them going then I would spend some time talking through with them about what they do in a hotel if they wake up and can't see daddy. I would also give them a phone like a Nokia with charge that lasts ages so they can easily phone you/ their father. I definitely would never do this myself but I am not sure there is much you can do to stop him on his time.

OrangeIsTheNewRed Thu 22-Jul-21 19:59:20

Thanks everyone. Seems pretty unanimous and I suppose I'm glad that I'm not being paranoid.

Absolutely - why he wouldn't just take them to dinner and keep them up a bit later is beyond me. Perhaps they cramp his style.

I don't know the name of the hotel but I could probably find out from his dad.

I just know it's going to cause such a big row where his family will be up in arms and offended that I'm causing trouble. But what else can I do? It's a nightmare (and so is he).

OP’s posts: |
Pingued Thu 22-Jul-21 20:00:08

Its not just abduction or fire I'd be concerned about what if they get upset while he is somewhere else. The little things. 6 is a young age to be alone if you hear a funny noise from a pipe etc and get scared.

Pingued Thu 22-Jul-21 20:01:07

He can get a family room with them and she can sleep on her own in the other room. It's just one night.

Anonymous48 Thu 22-Jul-21 20:04:09

Pingued

He can get a family room with them and she can sleep on her own in the other room. It's just one night.

Did you even read the OP?

doubleshotespresso Thu 22-Jul-21 20:04:14

If he cannot provide guaranteed constant childcare they wouldn't be going at all. Sorry but no way.

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