Aibu to think Dsis was not broke and shouldn't have accepted lunch!?

(194 Posts)
everythingyouneed Thu 22-Jul-21 18:31:13

Long story short we were out for the dsis kept saying she wanted to get home for lunch time to feed the kids and wouldn't have lunch out as she was broke. Fair enough. Anyway timings went awry and we ended up in the middle of town at prime lunch time. I wanted lunch and so did my dc. Dsis said no she was going to get back to the car as she couldn't afford it. I said " oh come on I'll pay it's not a big deal!" So I bought lunch. All good. It was nice, all was eaten.

The very next day I rang my Dsis and as we were talking she said, my tyre got a puncture this morning so I'm in getting a new tyre as it can't be fixed. I said "oh dear are you ok for money?" She said "ah yeah I just transferred it out of the savings!

Aibu to think she could have done that the day before at lunch rather than letting me pay? I know I was happy to and I offered but I'm just a bit...hmm now!!

OP’s posts: |
TwoAndAnOnion Thu 22-Jul-21 18:33:22

So, she has an emergency fund for things like tyres, and didnt want to dip into it for a lunch she could make at home. You offered to foot her lunch bill, she didnt ask.

BackBoiler Thu 22-Jul-21 18:33:36

Well no....she was using the savings for something essential (car being repaired). She was quite happy to go home for lunch. If you offered then that's your fault. She may not have been able to afford the tyre if she had bought lunch and the savings is a "buffer" for emergencies.

pinkcircustop Thu 22-Jul-21 18:33:43

YABU. She’s using her savings for necessities like the tyre. She doesn’t want to use them for frivolities like lunch out.

She told you this, was going to go home, and you insisted on paying for her. So yeah, YABU. Don’t offer if you don’t mean it.

Rover83 Thu 22-Jul-21 18:33:57

If you didn't want to pay for lunch you shouldn't have offered. I think there is a huge difference to not feeling up to affording lunch out and having to transfer money to pay for a tyre

cheesecrackerz Thu 22-Jul-21 18:34:05


JustLyra Thu 22-Jul-21 18:34:10

There's a huge difference between a tyre that needs fixed and lunch. Dipping into a small amount of emergency savings, especially if they are struggling at the moment so unexpected expenses could become an issue, makes absolute sense for the tyre, not at all for the lunch when she was prepared to go home.


LadyPoison Thu 22-Jul-21 18:34:14

I wouldn't want to dip into savings for a lunch out so I'd skip it like she was going to do but I would if I had to replace a tyre.

Lunch is discretionary spending but my car is vital so yes I think you are being unreasonable here.

MagnoliaBeige Thu 22-Jul-21 18:35:17

Isn’t that called budgeting?! She had no spare money to spend on lunch and had to dip into her savings (ie rainy day fund) for an unexpected expense. And there is nothing more annoying than telling someone you can’t afford something and they then bang on about doing it anyway.

StarryStarrySocks Thu 22-Jul-21 18:35:28

As others have said, nobody dips into their savings to buy themselves lunch!

TotorosCatBus Thu 22-Jul-21 18:35:36

I agree with your sister that replacing a tyre is more important than eating out so calls for money out of savings. Eating out is a luxury where as a car might be needed for necessities like work and the nursery run.

Sister isn't unreasonable to accept your offer to pay imo. You offered. If she'd hinted that she was broke and would you pay then she'd be unreasonable

Poptart4 Thu 22-Jul-21 18:35:41

YABU she said she wanted to go home for lunch several times. You insisted on eating out AND offered to pay. She did nothing wrong.

Also its one thing dipping into savings for a new tyre as that is a necessity. Lunch out is not.

Zealois Thu 22-Jul-21 18:35:51

Big difference between dipping into savings for a new trye, and for an unnecessary lunch out.

I've said no to a meal out this evening as I don't have the money, but did just use my savings today to make up the difference on our car insurance payment that turned out to be more expensive than we thought it would be.

TheBigFatMermaid Thu 22-Jul-21 18:36:10

She has savings for emergencies, needing a tyre is an emergency, lunch out is not.

Blinkingheckythump Thu 22-Jul-21 18:36:13

Why would she spend her savings on lunch out? She was very clear in saying she couldn't afford to buy lunch. Which she obviously can't if she would have needed to use savings for it. It sounds like you have a poor grasp on money management if you seriously think it's good to use savings that way

LeroyJenkinssss Thu 22-Jul-21 18:36:35

Actually I’m impressed by her - it’s easy (particularly if there’s peer pressure) to dip into savings for a ‘treat’ which then becomes a habit which then means you don’t have money for tyres.

She didn’t ask for you to offer and was perfectly prepared to go home but you insisted. She wasn’t asking for handouts so yabu

WildWestWanda Thu 22-Jul-21 18:36:59

Yeah yabu

Pebbledashery Thu 22-Jul-21 18:38:47

Sorry you're being unreasonable. You offered to pay, she said no twice and you pressured her. Presumably her emergency fund is for emergencies and not to fritter away on lunches.

WomanStanleyWoman Thu 22-Jul-21 18:38:49

If she’s reliant on her car, getting the new tyre is an essential. Lunch out isn’t, which is probably why she planned to go home. Maybe she has savings precisely because she assesses whether a purchase is essential or not before making it.

Did you only offer to pay for lunch because you took her saying she was ‘broke’ completely literally and thought she didn’t have a penny to her name?

Somarefuser Thu 22-Jul-21 18:39:07

You hassled her to stay, when she had a plan to avoid spending money.
You potentially patronised and embarrassed her into accepting lunch.
Now you can’t tell the difference between essential equipment and an optional lunch and are being snide.
You come across as a difficult sibling.

MrsTophamHat Thu 22-Jul-21 18:39:19

YaBU. One is an essential repair, one is a luxury.

She repeatedly said she didn't want to have lunch but it sounds like you cajoled her into it.

gingerbiscuits Thu 22-Jul-21 18:39:41


So, she has an emergency fund for things like tyres, and didnt want to dip into it for a lunch she could make at home. You offered to foot her lunch bill, she didnt ask.

I agree.

Marshmallow91 Thu 22-Jul-21 18:40:16

Yabu. Hope that helps.

Actually you are more than unreasonable because it's you who essentially forced her to get the lunch you paid for- for what? Just so you could moan about it?

chunderwunder Thu 22-Jul-21 18:40:35

It's a different budget innit. Day-to-day living vs savings for emergencies.

The first pot can be empty, the second full. If you keep using the second to top up the first, you've got a problem...

ChequerBoard Thu 22-Jul-21 18:41:39

YABU - she said she was going home, you insisted on lunch out. If you had not have said you would pay, she would have gone home.

Tyre is irrelevant, a necessity to be paid for out of rainy day money - not an avoidable extravagance.

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