To be upset at this little girls comment?

(155 Posts)
MiaMarshmallows Fri 25-Jun-21 13:45:40

Met up with a friend last night and she bought along her 6 year old granddaughter. My grandkids were also there so we went to the park. One of them asked my GD 'Why does your nan have such a long nose?' It wasn't meant for my ears but it really upset me.
I am physically very unattractive but aibu for me to get down about it from time to time especially when comments get made. I know she is only a child but throughout my life I have had comments on my nose, flat chest, needing a makeover etc. I shouldn't care at my age. But it hurts.

OP’s posts: |
Goandplay Fri 25-Jun-21 13:50:11

You can’t control what upsets you so you’re not being unreasonable.
A long nose doesn’t equal unattractive.
I love a ‘big’ nose. Only the other day I said to my DP I though Woody Harrison was attractive.

Be kind to yourself.

Scarby9 Fri 25-Jun-21 13:51:37

It does hurt.
But children can be thoughtless and sometimes brutal, and as you say, this was not intended for your ears.

I've drawn a picture of you... with your fat belly.
Why is your face so wrinkly?
Your nose is like Concorde (that dates it, but still remembered!)
That lady's got a funny eye.

Some are factually true, of course, but painful to hear about yourself.
Deep brearh and remember that your grsndchildren and your friend wanted to spend time with you and love you as you are.

HotPenguin Fri 25-Jun-21 13:54:18

When I had my haircut for the first time after lockdown, I asked my son if he noticed anything different about me. His response - are you pregnant. No, I said. Oh it's just you've got a fat tummy he replied hmm

Xmassprout Fri 25-Jun-21 13:55:20

It's hard because I'm sure she didn't mean it is a criticism, just am observation. But it's hard not to take it to heart, especially when it's something we may already be insecure about.

I was sitting down the other day and my 4 year old was using my belly fat as handles to pull me to standing. I asked her not to do that so instead she started wobbling it like jelly and squishing it together to make it look like a mouth talking. She thought it was hilarious

AryaStarkWolf Fri 25-Jun-21 13:57:06

Kids can be blunt, there probably is not cruelness behind it but of course YANBU to feel upset by it

RickiTarr Fri 25-Jun-21 13:57:33

Small children make tactless observations without intending value judgments attached to them. She didn’t mean to insult you. flowers


Sally872 Fri 25-Jun-21 13:59:54

My dd said "you have a big nose" I was offended and said "that's rude, be kind" dd replied "what?? I would love a bigger nose my nose is too tiny"

The child hasn't meant hurt your feelings. And may not have meant long as a criticism.

mommycarol Fri 25-Jun-21 14:00:54

Well hi there smile kids say that kind of things all the time..i would be hurt too..i have pixxie ears and all though i now accept it and not feeling asha'med..if somene would comment i would be hurt a bit..

TheYearOfSmallThings Fri 25-Jun-21 14:02:42

Of course YANBU to be hurt - children can be unintentionally rude or even cruel.

However we try to rationalise them away, these little cuts are painful.

Flambola Fri 25-Jun-21 14:04:36

Of course it hurts. I have facial paralysis so can get comments sometimes. Kids don’t mean to be nasty though. Just make a joke… all the better to smell you with and all that. And maybe a little lesson on how these types of comments can hurt people’s feelings.

LostThings Fri 25-Jun-21 14:10:06

It doesn't matter how old you are, it still hurts doesn't it? I've had this kind of thing a lot. I try not to dwell on these kind of comments. I am not attractive but I have family who love me and most days I don't need to think about how I look at all. Sending you a virtual hug flowers

AramintaLee Fri 25-Jun-21 14:11:36

Ahhh OP try not to let it get to you. Remember with children, everything probably looks bigger and longer to them. She probably didn't mean it in a nasty way or to imply that you're not attractive (children don't really think that way)

Soubriquet Fri 25-Jun-21 14:15:05

From the mouth of babes flow truth

It hurts sometimes but they don’t mean to.

ThanksIGotItInMorrisons Fri 25-Jun-21 14:17:08

You’re allowed to be hurt. Insecurities and childhood traumas last for a life time. But also, out of the mouths of babes.....
Last week a little girl referred to me as ‘that old lady’. I’m 42 😭 and my dc when they were about 4 just would not accept that mummy wasn’t pregnant with a secret baby in my very large tummy. Plus remarks about my psoriasis - some people are arseholes. Some are kids.

MiaMarshmallows Fri 25-Jun-21 14:17:18

I just hate being so ugly. Feel jealous of even average looking women.

OP’s posts: |
kindaclassy Fri 25-Jun-21 14:18:56

It's completely natural to feel hurt but

YABU to think
I shouldn't care at my age.

It doesn't matter how old you are, you deserve to feel good about yourself. You will never look like a 14 year old let's be honest, but you can still want to feel as attractive as any woman your age.
Long nose doesn't mean unattractive and you can still have fun with your hair, you clothes, your style.

kindaclassy Fri 25-Jun-21 14:21:12


I just hate being so ugly. Feel jealous of even average looking women.

you know that even if you don't have a classical symmetrical beauty and are unlikely to be a super model, your appearance is not as fixed as a picture, and people react to your whole: your voice, your expression, your style.

That, and most famous people have had a lot of procedures. No one is perfect. Angelina Jolie has work on her face very young, so did Marilyn, and Kate Middleton. Look at any woman you find attractive and they will have had something done. Sad possibly, but true.

steakandcheeseplease Fri 25-Jun-21 14:24:41

OP I worked with young children for over a decade.

A child told me they recognised me when they were out with their mother because of my witchy chin.

Another told me I had bugs bunny teeth

Another told me my new hair cut made me look like Willy Wonker ( Johnny Depp)

This was said to my face.

Kids can be savage flowers

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand Fri 25-Jun-21 14:25:52

I have a long thin nose and I don't think it's unattractive! It's just how my face is.

You're not ugly - when people see you, they are seeing the whole package. The friendly smile, the dimples, the thoughtful expression etc... Noone ever looks in real life like they do in photos.

Audo Fri 25-Jun-21 14:30:26

MiaMarshmallows, if you had had teasing older brothers when you were a child you would now regard your long nose with affection. Even now having just read your post I have slightly affectionate feelings towards your nice nose.

Mamabear12 Fri 25-Jun-21 14:31:31

Some kids say things and don’t even know what they are talking about. Once a girl told me when I was about 16 that I would be very pretty if my nose was smaller. And another child said my face was fat. However; I have had numerous people say I have the perfect nose. Lol. Adults. And not when asked. Someone would say something like oh I wish I had your nose.

As for my face being fat. Also, nonsense. I’ve always been slim. And I have wide cheekbones.

Never a problem turning heads. Lots of attention from men when I was single. So kids can say mean things even when they aren’t true.

OhGiveUp Fri 25-Jun-21 14:36:07

@MiaMarshmallows you are NOT ugly. You are a beautiful woman on the inside.
Your husband / partner, children and family think you're beautiful too, I guarantee it.
Children are tactless, but they mean no harm, they're very rarely malicious or purposely nasty.
Try not to let it hurt you, easier said than done I know, but try to remember that kids don't have the filter that we have.
Please don't be jealous of who you perceive to be good looking or beautiful, concentrate on your own inner beauty. X

Yellowcrockpot Fri 25-Jun-21 14:39:04

Op, I'm so sorry you feel so low about yourself, but please listen to the lovely PP who are pointing out the very fact that you don't have to even "averagely good looking" to be beautiful.
You are a whole package, im thinking of two women I am pleased to have met in my life, both older 50s+ who weren't what you'd call even averagely attractive..
But my god, getting to know them, thier sense of humor, kindness, love, generosity, the fact they actually liked me and we became friends - they're two of the most fabulous women I can think of, and any partner would be lucky to have them.
Beauty and being attractive is a whole package, even if you don't think your physically attractive, just you -being you- can flip this around totally.

You only get one body and one face and one life, live it and try and love it. 💘

ClairKingston Fri 25-Jun-21 14:40:00

My little neice was around 3 years old and learning colours and animal names etc so I would sit her on my lap and ask what colour is Rory the dog? etc that kind of thing. It was a nice learning game.
It came to "me" so I asked
What colour is my hair? Brown.
What colour is my jumper? Blue
What colour are my teeth?

Her answer? Yellow!!!!

OMG I have always prided myself on having nice white teeth but that one hurt. I have been asked am I happy to be old? I am not old! I have been asked why there are crinkles on my hands. Kids!!! they are lovely but no way would I eat a whole one.

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