AIBU to cut her off for this?

(92 Posts)
crazymicrowave123 Mon 21-Jun-21 09:13:04

I have a friend that I have known for close to 10 years. I would consider her my best friend (I'm sure she has other's that she would consider her best friend before me but anyway..) and we face time maybe once a week and text often to find out how the other is doing.

She invited me to a BBQ for her birthday party almost 2 weeks ago by sending out a mass invite on WhatsApp. Then she sent another mass message a few days later announcing that the BBQ had been cancelled for unspecified reasons. I replied telling her that it was fine and asked her how her day was.

Yesterday I wake up and go on Instagram to wish her a happy birthday (as did many others) and see that she has posted snippets of her birthday BBQ party and see that other's (some mutual people we follow, mostly her friend's) have also posted videos of the party and her blowing out her candles.

I feel really stupid and hurt. So I message her asking whether she still went ahead with the party and asking what happened. She responds saying she is 'sorry and forgot to tell me that it was back on'. I feel so hurt that she didn't even think to remind me which clearly meant I am not that important to her.

I was even more hurt as she had just given birth two months ago and I'd been asking to come over and visit her and meet her baby and she's had a lot of excuses saying because of Covid it isn't safe (we've both had the vaccine) and that she couldn't at the moment, but brought her baby to the party.

My AIBU I guess would be am I being unreasonable for being upset and wanting to cut her off as a friend?

OP’s posts: |
casualacquaintance Mon 21-Jun-21 09:20:31

Is this a Covid related thing. Perhaps initially when she sent the invites out, she thought the restrictions might have lifted by now. And as they haven't, she's had to reduce numbers, and by uninviting some people she could stick within the guidelines.

If not, then I'd message her back explain how hurt you were seeing the photos

hellogem Mon 21-Jun-21 09:21:43

She's not a friend. She clearly doesn't think your relationship is as important as it is to you. How does she send mass mssgs of invites and cancellations, yet the plan back on doesn't get mass mssgs sent? Seems like she invited you accidentally and then sent cancelled mssg to you only.
Have you spoken to mutual friends about this? With the whole baby thing, it just seems like it was done personally to you.
I would cut her off.

bloodyhell19 Mon 21-Jun-21 09:22:48

Sounds like she's already cutting you out tbh.

pepsicolagirl Mon 21-Jun-21 09:23:46

She's just not that into you.
Sorry.

I would be really hurt by this too and although I wouldn't give the energy required to cut her off I would stop contacting her and let the friendship die away I think

Nekoness Mon 21-Jun-21 09:23:46

“ wanting to cut her off as a friend?”
Gently, I’m afraid that is a bit like asking if you should break up with someone who doesn’t want to see you anymore.

She’s trying to let you down gently and you’re not taking the hint.

HeddaGarbled Mon 21-Jun-21 09:25:39

No, you’re not unreasonable for being upset.

There’s no need to cut her off completely, though.

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Spied Mon 21-Jun-21 09:27:30

Don't invest any more time in her/her family.
You are not important to her.
It's strange she didn't send a WhatsApp telling everyone the party was back on when that's how she invited everyone in the first instance and that's how she'd been communicating.
She's culled you.

PurpleyBlue Mon 21-Jun-21 09:28:30

I don't think there's a need to cut her off, she's been trying to let you know she's not interested at the moment. It could be anything though, if she's had a baby in the last 2 months she might be struggling and keeping her circle small. It's up to you but I think if you stop contacting her you might find she doesn't contact you. "Cutting her off as a friend" sounds a bit dramatic for what is just people drifting apart.

AfterSchoolWorry Mon 21-Jun-21 09:32:06

She's a bitch.

And you deserve better OP.

30degreesandmeltinghere Mon 21-Jun-21 09:33:46

Sadly she no longer considers you a friend....

Cherries590 Mon 21-Jun-21 09:35:34

This is incredibly hurtful behaviour. She’s no friend of yours, I’m sorry. You need to move on

Toebean Mon 21-Jun-21 09:36:52

Normally I would say yes but please let her know why but she sounds like shes cutting you out anyway

grapewine Mon 21-Jun-21 09:41:08

She has cut you out, OP. Don't waste anymore time on her. She's not worth it.

LookItsMeAgain Mon 21-Jun-21 09:48:51

I'd certainly move her down the order of people I'd rush to tell any news to. She's more of an acquaintance than a best friend based on that.

crazymicrowave123 Mon 21-Jun-21 09:50:23

When I say cut off I don't mean a dramatic speech or anything else I just mean stop messaging her to the point where our friendship drifts away naturally by the way.

OP’s posts: |
PurpleyBlue Mon 21-Jun-21 09:51:47

crazymicrowave123

When I say cut off I don't mean a dramatic speech or anything else I just mean stop messaging her to the point where our friendship drifts away naturally by the way.

Sounds like what she is going to you. But yes, you might as well and if she gets back in touch then decide how you feel. She's just had a baby though so her hormones might be all over the place and she might not be up to seeing people she isn't really close to.

Sometimesfraught82 Mon 21-Jun-21 09:56:22

Always baffled by this kind of thread

Op, clearly your not her best friend, or even remotely a close friend
And clearly she’s cutting you off albeit in a rather longer and more drawn out manner than your suggesting

Sometimesfraught82 Mon 21-Jun-21 09:56:39

You’re

crazymicrowave123 Mon 21-Jun-21 09:58:57

@PurpleyBlue but that's the thing, we are very close. We went to college together and have known each other for almost 10 years. I have stayed over with her many times, and was there during her pregnancy and she and I have been pretty much best friends. She admittedly is a lot more popular than I and might have more people she would invite but I didn't expect her to not remind me about her birthday after weirdly inviting me in the first place.

OP’s posts: |
iminthegarden Mon 21-Jun-21 09:59:51

You're not in her top 30

Sometimesfraught82 Mon 21-Jun-21 10:00:17

crazymicrowave123

*@PurpleyBlue* but that's the thing, we are very close. We went to college together and have known each other for almost 10 years. I have stayed over with her many times, and was there during her pregnancy and she and I have been pretty much best friends. She admittedly is a lot more popular than I and might have more people she would invite but I didn't expect her to not remind me about her birthday after weirdly inviting me in the first place.

The evidence is that she had a birthday bbq. Told you it was cancelled and then didn’t let you know it was still on.

I wouldn’t want My birthday bbq without by closest friends let alone neglect to update them.

iminthegarden Mon 21-Jun-21 10:01:25

She didn't forget to remind you. She didn't want you there as she had to keep numbers lower and you didn't make the cut.

Sometimesfraught82 Mon 21-Jun-21 10:02:18

Two months and you’ve not seen the baby despite totally been allowed to and she brought the baby to the bbq… OP, I’m afraid she doesn’t regard you in the same way you regard her

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches Mon 21-Jun-21 10:03:15

She doesn't consider you a close friend. I would cut her off and focus on other friendships.

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