To feel a bit sad for my DS 16

[MagnificentBottom]

My DS 16, just left school. He’s not academic, didn’t like school or get particularly good exam grades, messed around a lot, hung around with the more ‘spirited’, but he’s essentially a good person who has a good heart. His girlfriend is very bright, just got great GCSE results and this weekend her friend organised a party to celebrate leaving school.
My DS was not invited, when she asked why she was told it was because he was in the wrong ‘friendship group’ and others felt intimidated by his presence. She also said that people generally when they see him deliberately walk on the other side of the road to avoid him. He’s tall, wears hoodies and a base ball cap. AIBU to think this is incredibly petty or are teenagers generally this fickle?

[ChubbyLittleManInACampervan]

That hurts, but I’d want to know more about these “spirited” friends

It could be the Gf is fickle, it could be that she knows a whole lot more than you do

[HasaDigaEebowai]

How have either of them got gcse results? They’re not released until august

[SnarkyBag]

Not sure why girls need to invite an intimidating male to their shin dig? Might be a good life lesson in learning about how other perceive you. If he’s got a good heart he’ll be concerned that his behaviour is seen as intimidating

[MagnificentBottom]

@HasaDigaEebowai

How have either of them got gcse results? They’re not released until august

They were released on Thursday

[MagnificentBottom]

@SnarkyBag

Not sure why girls need to invite an intimidating male to their shin dig? Might be a good life lesson in learning about how other perceive you. If he’s got a good heart he’ll be concerned that his behaviour is seen as intimidating

What behaviour is intimidating?

[Anordinarymum]

I think it was the right decision for your son as well. He would feel uncomfortable being in the company of people who avoid him.
She likes him though, so that tells me he is OK. And she sounds sensible too

[Trevsadick]

Well it's a difference of perspective.

You say he has 'spirited friends'. His girlfriend friends, think he is intimidating.

Why should they invite someone they find intimidating. Its not the goodies and baseball caps

I do get you feeling sorry for him, but there's probably a reason, they feel that way, that you don't know about. Even if it's not about him specifically, but about his friends.

[coodawoodashooda]

I'd be sad too but like pp said, maybe she knows more than you?

[wizzywig]

So he is good enough to be her boyfriend, but not to socialise together?

[titchy]

You said the reason he wasn't invited was that she said others were intimidated by him. That's not something to be proud of him for if true.

[SnarkyBag]

Well how would I know OP! 🙄 The girls have said they find him intimidating therefore there must be something about the way he behaves with his “spirited” friends that causes that?

[UnwantedOpinionBelow]

I suspect there is a reason they find him intimidating.

[RampantIvy]

How come your son's school has released results already when other schools are waiting until August?

It sounds like he is being judged by the company he keeps.

[Caradogthemouse]

Sounds like your son might need to reevaluate his friendship group and the way he is coming across to others?

[Trevsadick]

So he is good enough to be her boyfriend, but not to socialise together?

What should she do? Ditch all her friends for her boyfriend? Her friends don't want to socialise with her boyfriend, that doesn't mean she has to chose one or the other.

[MagnificentBottom]

@SnarkyBag

Well how would I know OP! 🙄 The girls have said they find him intimidating therefore there must be something about the way he behaves with his “spirited” friends that causes that?

Because finding someone intimidating is not the same as behaving in an intimidating way

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

Strange, the friends having a party must kind of know your ds of their friend goes pit with him, and for them to find him intimidating, he must surely be doing something to make them feel that way? Generally teans aren't put off someone just because they wear a baseball cap and hoodie.

[haveaday]

Also confused about GCSE results. They don't come out til August. How can you have them already?

[Lindy2]

It doesn't sound like his girlfriend and him are particularly well matched. If she's not fussed that he's excluded from the party then I'd say the relationship may have run its course.

It does sound rather worrying that people actively avoid him. That can't just be because he's tall and wears hoodies. Most of the teenage population fit that description. I'd be asking him a few more questions as to why specifically he is viewed that way.

[FrownedUpon]

I’m also a bit suspicious of the ‘spirited’ boys description. We all know what that means. Perhaps he needs to consider the impact his behaviour/choice of friends has.

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

If, put, teens

[MagnificentBottom]

@haveaday

Also confused about GCSE results. They don't come out til August. How can you have them already?

They were released on Thursday in my area

[HasaDigaEebowai]

If they know Him from school then it’s nothing to do with height or baseball caps it’s because he messes about and hangs around with the “spirited” aka disruptive kids.

[titchy]

Because finding someone intimidating is not the same as behaving in an intimidating way

Equally maybe he is behaving in an intimidating manner. Or his friends are pretty yobbish. You're his mum - you'll always see the good in him. But something is clearly making him unappealing to a group of girls.

[SnarkyBag]

Oh dear OP has her blinkers on shall go to bed now as this will be an

AIBU?
yes
No I’m not you’re all wrong, I’m right my child is amazing and all the girls are meaners.