To feel a bit sad for my DS 16

(375 Posts)
MagnificentBottom Sun 20-Jun-21 22:51:43

My DS 16, just left school. He’s not academic, didn’t like school or get particularly good exam grades, messed around a lot, hung around with the more ‘spirited’, but he’s essentially a good person who has a good heart. His girlfriend is very bright, just got great GCSE results and this weekend her friend organised a party to celebrate leaving school.
My DS was not invited, when she asked why she was told it was because he was in the wrong ‘friendship group’ and others felt intimidated by his presence. She also said that people generally when they see him deliberately walk on the other side of the road to avoid him. He’s tall, wears hoodies and a base ball cap. AIBU to think this is incredibly petty or are teenagers generally this fickle?

OP’s posts: |
ChubbyLittleManInACampervan Sun 20-Jun-21 22:53:34

That hurts, but I’d want to know more about these “spirited” friends

It could be the Gf is fickle, it could be that she knows a whole lot more than you do

HasaDigaEebowai Sun 20-Jun-21 22:54:56

How have either of them got gcse results? They’re not released until august

SnarkyBag Sun 20-Jun-21 22:55:30

Not sure why girls need to invite an intimidating male to their shin dig? Might be a good life lesson in learning about how other perceive you. If he’s got a good heart he’ll be concerned that his behaviour is seen as intimidating

MagnificentBottom Sun 20-Jun-21 22:56:46

HasaDigaEebowai

How have either of them got gcse results? They’re not released until august

They were released on Thursday

OP’s posts: |
MagnificentBottom Sun 20-Jun-21 22:57:49

SnarkyBag

Not sure why girls need to invite an intimidating male to their shin dig? Might be a good life lesson in learning about how other perceive you. If he’s got a good heart he’ll be concerned that his behaviour is seen as intimidating

What behaviour is intimidating?

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Anordinarymum Sun 20-Jun-21 22:58:11

I think it was the right decision for your son as well. He would feel uncomfortable being in the company of people who avoid him.
She likes him though, so that tells me he is OK. And she sounds sensible too

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Trevsadick Sun 20-Jun-21 22:58:49

Well it's a difference of perspective.

You say he has 'spirited friends'. His girlfriend friends, think he is intimidating.

Why should they invite someone they find intimidating. Its not the goodies and baseball caps

I do get you feeling sorry for him, but there's probably a reason, they feel that way, that you don't know about. Even if it's not about him specifically, but about his friends.

coodawoodashooda Sun 20-Jun-21 22:58:57

I'd be sad too but like pp said, maybe she knows more than you?

wizzywig Sun 20-Jun-21 22:59:19

So he is good enough to be her boyfriend, but not to socialise together?

titchy Sun 20-Jun-21 22:59:44

You said the reason he wasn't invited was that she said others were intimidated by him. That's not something to be proud of him for if true.

SnarkyBag Sun 20-Jun-21 22:59:51

Well how would I know OP! 🙄 The girls have said they find him intimidating therefore there must be something about the way he behaves with his “spirited” friends that causes that?

UnwantedOpinionBelow Sun 20-Jun-21 23:00:49

I suspect there is a reason they find him intimidating.

RampantIvy Sun 20-Jun-21 23:01:07

How come your son's school has released results already when other schools are waiting until August?

It sounds like he is being judged by the company he keeps.

Caradogthemouse Sun 20-Jun-21 23:01:16

Sounds like your son might need to reevaluate his friendship group and the way he is coming across to others?

Trevsadick Sun 20-Jun-21 23:01:32

So he is good enough to be her boyfriend, but not to socialise together?

What should she do? Ditch all her friends for her boyfriend? Her friends don't want to socialise with her boyfriend, that doesn't mean she has to chose one or the other.

MagnificentBottom Sun 20-Jun-21 23:01:43

SnarkyBag

Well how would I know OP! 🙄 The girls have said they find him intimidating therefore there must be something about the way he behaves with his “spirited” friends that causes that?

Because finding someone intimidating is not the same as behaving in an intimidating way

OP’s posts: |
Iminaglasscaseofemotion Sun 20-Jun-21 23:02:03

Strange, the friends having a party must kind of know your ds of their friend goes pit with him, and for them to find him intimidating, he must surely be doing something to make them feel that way? Generally teans aren't put off someone just because they wear a baseball cap and hoodie.

haveaday Sun 20-Jun-21 23:02:06

Also confused about GCSE results. They don't come out til August. How can you have them already?

Lindy2 Sun 20-Jun-21 23:02:09

It doesn't sound like his girlfriend and him are particularly well matched. If she's not fussed that he's excluded from the party then I'd say the relationship may have run its course.

It does sound rather worrying that people actively avoid him. That can't just be because he's tall and wears hoodies. Most of the teenage population fit that description. I'd be asking him a few more questions as to why specifically he is viewed that way.

FrownedUpon Sun 20-Jun-21 23:02:16

I’m also a bit suspicious of the ‘spirited’ boys description. We all know what that means. Perhaps he needs to consider the impact his behaviour/choice of friends has.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion Sun 20-Jun-21 23:02:52

If, put, teens

MagnificentBottom Sun 20-Jun-21 23:04:22

haveaday

Also confused about GCSE results. They don't come out til August. How can you have them already?

They were released on Thursday in my area

OP’s posts: |
HasaDigaEebowai Sun 20-Jun-21 23:04:44

If they know Him from school then it’s nothing to do with height or baseball caps it’s because he messes about and hangs around with the “spirited” aka disruptive kids.

titchy Sun 20-Jun-21 23:05:00

* Because finding someone intimidating is not the same as behaving in an intimidating way*

Equally maybe he is behaving in an intimidating manner. Or his friends are pretty yobbish. You're his mum - you'll always see the good in him. But something is clearly making him unappealing to a group of girls.

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