Do parents have a say so in their kids sex life?

(141 Posts)
Pinkie98 Sun 20-Jun-21 21:55:21

I'm 22(f) still living at home (should be moved out by the end of the year if all goes to plan), and in the past my mom has made a bit of a deal about my sex life, she was in tears when she found out I lost my v-card (I was 19). She's emphasised that it is disrespectful to have sex while I'm still living at home. I understand her house her rules, but at the same time, sex is a biological urge and imo she's making it sound like it's wrong to do it and when I have done it, I usually feel guilty afterwards because of what she has said. AIBU to think that my mom is overreacting? Is it disrespectful to have sex in your family home? Surely it would be considered better to do it at home than some random place? Am I in the wrong here?

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Fifilorax Sun 20-Jun-21 21:59:34

I think she sounds a bit immature to be honest. It’s sex. It’s normal and natural and nothing to be ashamed of

StealthPolarBear Sun 20-Jun-21 22:00:34

She's allowed to say not in her home if she feels really strongly.
Everything else is none of her business. If she was supportive I'd say she would get to have an opinion on your emotional and physical health, as she's your mum, but in this case I hope you have friends to help if you need them and are taking care of yourself.

Motnight Sun 20-Jun-21 22:00:46

Her house, her rules. I personally don't agree with them.

DrinkFeckArseBrick Sun 20-Jun-21 22:02:12

I think that's an old fashioned but widespread view. You're right that it's better to have sex somewhere safe than somewhere random. I think with younger teens especially under 16 it's hard though as that's the pragmatic view but if you give it the ok you are effectively condoning something illegal. Also in hindsight a lot of women didnt have healthy sex lives when they were teens and were probably pressured into it 'if you really like me then you would...'. Hopefully there is more knowledge now around consent. I had a boyfriend who even though we had left uni and been together years his parents still didnt want us to sleep in the same room as we weren't married. I guess I can understand that view a bit more than the 'disrespect' viewpoint as it's nothing to do with them or your feelings towards them

ssd Sun 20-Jun-21 22:02:23

Motnight

Her house, her rules. I personally don't agree with them.

Well its your house too

Tilly18101 Sun 20-Jun-21 22:03:47

It’s a tough one I think, because sex is the most natural thing with someone you love or are comfortable with however my mum was similar when I lived at home, it wasn’t that she was stopping me and she knew it was happening but it wasn’t comfortable for my parents knowing what I was up too under their roof so to speak - maybe that acceptance that your child is a grown up. They don’t want to be listening to that as a parent, no matter how quiet you think you are being!

If you live under her roof, you do need to respect her rules I would say, why would you want to make things uncomfortable for you both, if you want the freedom to do what you want when you want, I think you need to get your own place.

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Moirarose2021 Sun 20-Jun-21 22:04:48

If it's with your steady partner, I would think she is rather unreasonable but it is her house, if you are having causal sex then she has every right not to want various different people staying over in her home.

Deadleaf29 Sun 20-Jun-21 22:06:15

I think she gets a say in what goes on in her house - especially if we’re talking men she’s never met being in her house as opposed to a very long term boyfriend/partner. I’d not be too thrilled either, though my children are a long long way from that stage.

What you do outside her house is your own business.

Stompythedinosaur Sun 20-Jun-21 22:08:13

No adult has a say in another adult's sex life, but a house owner probably has reasonable control of who comes into their house.

Sounds like time to move out!

Pinkie98 Sun 20-Jun-21 22:08:21

@Tilly18101 yeah I'm working on moving out, its just a case of getting a bit more money together

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Aquamarine1029 Sun 20-Jun-21 22:09:28

I don't agree with her, but it's her house so you'll have to follow her rules.

Pinkie98 Sun 20-Jun-21 22:09:54

@Moirarose2021 I'm not currently seeing anyone but this is a conversation she had with me when I was with my ex so I just wanted other peoples input

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Pinkie98 Sun 20-Jun-21 22:10:29

@Stompythedinosaur I agree with you on that haha

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Iliketeaagain Sun 20-Jun-21 22:10:51

My dd is only 11, so my opinion may well change in time.

IMO, it's only disrespectful if you are bringing lots of different partners in to her (and yes your home). I'd like to think when my dd is 22, if she has a stable partner, then I'd have no issue (and quite frankly probably wouldn't want to know).

But I would object to having different random people in my home, and to be honest, I'd feel the same if I lived with a friend who brought lots of different people in to the house. (Not from a judging POV, adults can have sex with whoever they like, just I wouldn't like not knowing who's in the house and whether they would appear in the morning).

You don't mention whether this is a stable partner or different people you are bringing home - that would make this difference for me.

Conchitastrawberry Sun 20-Jun-21 22:12:29

If my adult child ( I have two adult children) had a steady boyfriend I’d be fine with them staying but random men absolutely not. Best to start looking for your own place!

Comedycook Sun 20-Jun-21 22:13:02

Her reaction to you losing your virginity is ridiculously over the top. You do however live under her roof and are a grown adult. Personally I think if you have a steady boyfriend you should be allowed to have him to stay but it's her house so up to her. Yeah, I'd move out asap if I was you.

Pinkie98 Sun 20-Jun-21 22:13:14

@Iliketeaagain I replied to someone else and mentioned that my mom had this conversation with me when I was with my ex boyfriend. She didn't even allow him to come over to spend time with me haha. Not currently seeing anyone so just wanted to get other peoples POV. Thanks for your input smile

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Pinkie98 Sun 20-Jun-21 22:14:03

@Conchitastrawberry believe me, I'm looking 😂

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Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep Sun 20-Jun-21 22:14:46

I think it's disrespectful to have sex when your family members could hear. So if you are an adult living or staying with family and you have a partner sleeping there too you should abstain or be very very quiet.
She shouldn't be banning you from having sex but you should use your discretion since you know it would bother her a lot. It's her house.

showerbeer Sun 20-Jun-21 22:15:53

YANBU. My parents didn’t let me stay round my boyfriends’ houses until I was 18 but when they came over in the day SURELY they would have known that the door was shut for a reason… god bless them for always knocking and never mentioning it. And that was when I was a teenager!!! Your mum is being massively U.

Macncheeseballs Sun 20-Jun-21 22:15:59

V-card? Is that what they call it now?

Pinkie98 Sun 20-Jun-21 22:16:12

@Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep yeah I agree for sure. Its only happened 2-3 times at my house and she's never been home. I do feel so guilty about it though as she's told me not to do it in our home so it won't be happening again anyway

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Beamur Sun 20-Jun-21 22:16:55

Mum's house, Mums rules!
If you want freedom and autonomy you need to have your own place.

Theunamedcat Sun 20-Jun-21 22:17:10

Her house her rules if you want to have sex in your own home get your own home or do it when she is out its grossly uncomfortable to be around your own parents having sex (as a child) and your own children having sex (as an adult)

But maybe I've always lived in houses with really REALLY thin walls

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