To not want in laws staying before and after I give birth?

(98 Posts)
beholdthecreation Tue 15-Jun-21 21:46:28

I'm due to give birth early October. I've had hyperemesis with this pregnancy, been hospitalised and very unwell.
In laws are wanting to come over from Cyprus in august and stay with us. I haven't had any vaccines, and they'll be sleeping on our living room floor on an air bed - what was spare room is now nursery. I'm just dreading it with how I'm feeling and the fact I'll have to play hostess when I'm 4-5 weeks off giving birth.
They also plan on coming over as soon as baby is born, and again at Christmas!
AIBU to be dreading this? Or suggesting they go to BIL and DH visits them there instead for at least one of the stays??

OP’s posts: |
MimiSunshine Tue 15-Jun-21 21:48:11

Nope. I wouldn’t be suggesting it. I’d be telling DH that he needs to make it clear they are to stay at BIL.

Chwaraeteg Tue 15-Jun-21 21:51:02

shock Fuck that. That can't happen. It will be supee stressful. Be really clear about your boundries. Whose idea was this????

beholdthecreation Tue 15-Jun-21 21:52:28

It was meant to be our wedding so they'd booked flights and now it's cancelled they've just said oh we'll come and stay anyway. They don't give a shit about me or whether I'm stressed, they'll make me feel like shit for not giving up my bed and making them have the air bed when I'm 35 weeks!
DH always sides with them and never with me.

OP’s posts: |
MsTSwift Tue 15-Jun-21 21:52:47

No. Just no. That is all. Terrible idea. Houseguests on an air bed at those stages? Whose bright idea was this?

Waspsarearseholes Tue 15-Jun-21 21:53:06

Oh my God. I'd rather give birth to a litter of hedgehogs with no pain relief than that. Put a stop to that right now. How on earth can any of them think this is remotely appropriate or pleasant?

HappyFeet2021 Tue 15-Jun-21 21:53:18

YANBU at ALL. The last few weeks before your due date is time to yourself, to try to relax and sleep. You also may be quite uncomfortable by this stage, I know I was and I would not want anyone in our house, let alone sleeping on our floor! I think it's quite bad they've even asked to be honest.


Moonshine11 Tue 15-Jun-21 21:53:46

Don’t do it.
Can they stay elsewhere?

Waspsarearseholes Tue 15-Jun-21 21:55:19

Just saw your update. I don't mean this in a spiteful way but it seems like it could be a blessing that your wedding was postponed. Your partner and his family sound like arseholes.

YellowFish12 Tue 15-Jun-21 21:55:43

Nope. They can book a hotel / apartment / Airbnb nearby.

beholdthecreation Tue 15-Jun-21 21:55:57

No they won't. They just put on my and DH will make me feel like absolute shit for even mentioning the fact I'm not happy about it. He also booked for us to go to a concert while they're over so they can babysit!? I can't think of anything worse than going to a concert when I'm that far on! The whole family has rocks in their head.

OP’s posts: |
Fitforforty Tue 15-Jun-21 21:56:14

No. No. No.

Do not allow this to happen! None of it.

Not only is it unfair on you it will end up having a negative impact on your relationship with your PIL.

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese Tue 15-Jun-21 21:56:15

If my husband didn't support me I'd be off to stay with my family until they are gone, baby or not.

HappyFeet2021 Tue 15-Jun-21 21:57:50

Sorry also re read about the post birth visit. Say no to this right away. My MIL was planning to visit in the first two weeks from abroad and I put a stop to that immediately. Caused a few issues but she is not someone you would want in your house postpartum. The only good thing about covid is that it helped keep them away (they also live abroad). I sound harsh but they're awful.
There is no way you will want people in your house so soon. Plus it's your special time to get to know your baby and bond.

Caradogthemouse Tue 15-Jun-21 21:58:03

Omg nooooooo. YANBU AT ALL!!

I think a straight forward “Love you to bits but I’m tired and stressed and not up to guests. Please stay in hotel or with BIL and we’ll see you for lunch” is mooorrree than reasonable.

And as for coming over after baby is here and at Christmas - tell them not to book anything yet, wait till baby is safely here. And then if/when the time comes, BIL most certainly hosts.

beholdthecreation Tue 15-Jun-21 21:59:04

I don't really have a relationship with them anyway. I won't go over and stay with them in Cyprus as I just feel uncomfortable the whole time. I tried for years to get them to like me or I at least cared if they did or not but now I don't really care what they think and I don't bother with them, if they FaceTime DH I do my best to make myself scarce. Lockdown was a blessing not seeing them for 18 months!

OP’s posts: |
Speakuptomakeyourselfheard Tue 15-Jun-21 21:59:36

Why on earth do you want to marry into a family like this OP? Your fiance sounds like a useless piece of humanity, putting his family before his pregnant girlfriend! I'd seriously reconsider the idea of marriage to him at all, unless you want to be walked over for the rest of your life.

PurpleyBlue Tue 15-Jun-21 21:59:37

Big no to the post birth visit.

Wearywithteens Tue 15-Jun-21 22:00:16

The in laws are irrelevant - this is 100% a DH problem. Sort that out. If you’re only at the start of family life together and you can’t have your own boundaries now, what future is there for your relationship? And what role models are you setting for your child?

ScottishNewbie Tue 15-Jun-21 22:00:22

Your husband needs to put your wants and needs first. There is absolutely no way I would be having any family to stay in your situation. In fact, we've already told both sides of the family that the 6 months before and after birth they will need to find alternative accommodation. (We're not even pregnant yet, just wanted to make boundaries clear LOL) grin

Caradogthemouse Tue 15-Jun-21 22:00:58

At least if you’re past caring what they think of you it will be easier to say a big fat NO.

beholdthecreation Tue 15-Jun-21 22:02:44

I can say no but he won't and they won't listen to me - all I can do is go to my mums but then I know they'll be sleeping in our bed angrysad

OP’s posts: |
PermanentTemporary Tue 15-Jun-21 22:03:28

1. Refuse. They go to a hotel, if they can? Can they travel at all??
2. Stay with your parents.
3. Leave.

I'd definitely go for 1. You deserve to be in your

Howshouldibehave Tue 15-Jun-21 22:03:48

DH always sides with them and never with me

That’s your biggest problem!

30degreesandmeltinghere Tue 15-Jun-21 22:03:50

Time for a trip to see your family. Alone op...

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