AIBU to think it's protocol to allow a plus one to a wedding?

(197 Posts)
Beepbopbot Mon 14-Jun-21 22:54:45

A friend has recently invited me to her wedding which will take place later this year. When I received the invite, I noticed that there was no option to bring a plus one.

I just saw her recently and while chatting I casually asked if it was possible to bring a friend/date with me to the wedding. She said no because the meals are expensive but that maybe I could bring someone after the meal for drinks.

She explained that I would not be alone (as I don't know anyone from her or the groom's family) as she had invited a couple other girls that we know mutually. These girls, however, are coming with their partners.

This is the thing that irritates me. I would understand if she was only inviting us girls and no one could bring their partner or a date but the way I see it is that because the other girls have long term partners, they are automatically included. But because I am currently single after separating from my partner, I have to come alone.

Am I being unreasonable to think that this is a cheap thing to do, and even borderline on not being a good friend? If I was still with my partner I can assume that we would both be invited, but it seems that saving on a dinner plate (which would inevitably be reimbursed back from myself in the form of a gift card/gift) is more important then making sure that I (or any other guest if they were in my position) is comfortable and doesn't have to feel those awkward moments that single ppl often do when surrounded by couples.

I'm interested to hearing if this is something that's normal or not... Thanks gals!

OP’s posts: |
Terminallysleepdeprived Mon 14-Jun-21 22:56:36

If you had a partner I would say plus 1 is a given, as you are single and know others going then I think its fair enough.

Weddings are bloody expensive and it is her choice who to invite.

Lagomtransplant Mon 14-Jun-21 22:57:24

OR, with only 30 people allowed, so about 15 per person, she has a loved one she would prefer there over a partner of a friend she has never met?

I'm sure you're tired of hearing this, like all of us, but new rules and all...

Lazypuppy Mon 14-Jun-21 22:58:08

Why should you get a plus one? Why woud i want a random stranger at my wedding? My weddings is for friends and family, and as pp said bloody expensive for food and drinks. We are only doing plus ones for evening guests as no food or drink being paid for

thefourgp Mon 14-Jun-21 22:58:12

Weddings are expensive. Why should she pay for you to invite a stranger to celebrate her wedding because you’re uncomfortable being single around couples you know? I say this as a single person who attended a friends wedding last week with two couples who are friends I know. Yabu.

NanaNorasNaughtyKnickers Mon 14-Jun-21 22:59:03

Limited places. If they let you bring a date then someone who they don't know (and might not be in either of your lives for long) displaces someone much more important to them.

Mumdiva99 Mon 14-Jun-21 22:59:05

Yabu. I didn't give my friends plus ones. I was tight on numbers. I had some other friends I couldn't even invite. No way would I cut out any more friends or family to have a stranger at my wedding. If you don't like it then don't go.

You will know others at the wedding so you aren't alone.

Advertisement

HunterHearstHelmsley Mon 14-Jun-21 22:59:15

I hear you.

I've turned down invitations because I'm not going to sit alone all day. Either that or I'll show up, eat and fuck off.

hibbledibble Mon 14-Jun-21 22:59:42

I've never had a plus one to an invite. If you are married, or live with your partner as if married, then it is usual, but not required, to invite them.

Expecting to bring a random date or friend to a wedding is a bit weird and entitled. Since you are single who are you planning on bringing? It's hardly a first date venue!

Now, numbers are limited as well, besides.

AnUnoriginalUsername Mon 14-Jun-21 22:59:49

If you have a partner, they should be invited. But I don't think someone should pay for you to bring someone you barely know, and they don't know, to their wedding. We didn't give singles a plus 1, why would I want strangers at my wedding?

An0n0n0n Mon 14-Jun-21 23:00:29

Yabu.

Dont wedding have guest/price brackets, like up to 50 guests = 10k, 50-75 guests = 15k? So she has to draw the line somewhere. And there is a world of difference between inviting someone and thier husband, who she has likely socialised with both of the couple and she is friendly with him vs a stranger she is expected to invite to her wedding.

Plus, you surely do things without a friend/date like go to work or groups pr something and its not like tpu wont k ow anyone.

A good friend makes their friends big day about them, not themself.

squiddylama Mon 14-Jun-21 23:00:37

Sorry YABU I'm afraid. Bringing someone to a ceremony that the bride and groom don't know and for all they know would be a one off fling is ridiculous.
For context a wedding breakfast for our one is about £100 per head. No way would I spend that money on someone I don't know and is likely not to be on the scene permanently

kittenkipping Mon 14-Jun-21 23:01:14

Yabu. You don't have a plus one, as you don't currently have a partner ( a
Plus one) why would they invite an imaginary stranger to their wedding? It's expensive, and unnecessary to add people you don't know. Weddings often involve meeting people you don't know, dining with them and getting on with it. At the end of the day it's two peoples random assortment of relatives and friends all thrown together with nothing more in common than an invite to that event.

MadeOfStarStuff Mon 14-Jun-21 23:01:36

YABU

Why would she want some random she’s never met at her wedding? Especially if it means someone she would actually want to invite would need to not be invited.

UpHillandDownAle Mon 14-Jun-21 23:01:46

If it’s likely to be with numbers restricted by covid then I think that’s fair enough. If there is no number restriction - well, when we got married we sent all single friends an invite for them and +1. It’s their wedding so their personal choice though I do see why you would have preferred to have a plus 1. I definitely would take them up on the offer of someone coming to join you after the meal.

Maskedrevenger Mon 14-Jun-21 23:03:06

YABU, a wedding is not the same as a night out at the pub. If you don’t want to go without a plus one then don’t go.

DrinkFeckArseBrick Mon 14-Jun-21 23:03:36

If you've got to travel a long way and have never met anyone else that's going to be at the wedding then it would be a nice thing to do. But you know people there. Why can't you talk to them? Surely if they are mutual friends they wont be ignoring you and snogging their boyfriends all night? Why would anyone want to spend ££ on inviting a friend of a friend they've never met to see them get married? Also if my friends have been with their partners for a while, you get to know the partners as well. It's a specific invite for a specific person who you've met when you invite a friends partner.

JaJaDD Mon 14-Jun-21 23:03:38

Even aside from Covid, a couple could easily end up paying hundreds for extra meals for a bunch of strangers to attend their wedding if every single friend and cousin gets a plus 1.

If a friend didn’t know anyone at the wedding that would be different, but if they know other people at the wedding then no need.

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 14-Jun-21 23:03:41

This is mad. You don’t even know who you’d take and they’d almost definitely be a stranger to the couple.

The bride is a perfectly normal friend, you’re being an awful one by making taking some rando a condition of attending her wedding. Wtf?

If you don’t want to go then don’t. If you keep pushing this you’ll probably be uninvited.

FluffMagnet Mon 14-Jun-21 23:04:20

Have you ever looked at wedding costs? Firstly all venues are going to have a cap on numbers they can seat, and secondly a "plate" is likely £100+, and thirdly the hosts will be meeting some complete stranger you have brought on their wedding day (and paying handsomely for the pleasure). This could massively throw the dynamics of the day, especially if the person you choose to bring gets bored and does something stupid.

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 14-Jun-21 23:04:45

HunterHearstHelmsley

I hear you.

I've turned down invitations because I'm not going to sit alone all day. Either that or I'll show up, eat and fuck off.

Alone? OP clearly states plenty of friends and their partners will be there. She’s not going to be alone.

Zealois Mon 14-Jun-21 23:04:49

I was given a +1 for a friend's wedding when I was single (and nobody else I knew would be there) and I really appreciated it and had a lovely day. I'd say that kind of thing is unlikely with current restrictions, though.

tigerbear Mon 14-Jun-21 23:06:16

YABU!

oknowimscared Mon 14-Jun-21 23:07:36

You are NBU, but neither are they. As a single person I either decide “there’s enough other people I know” or there isn’t. Former - I’ll go; latter - I make my excuses and don’t.

HelloBunny Mon 14-Jun-21 23:08:35

I’ve never wanted a plus one on invitations. Friends asked me, when it came to their weddings. Always said no thanks!
Before I was married, I never thought of myself as a “single person”. Even now I don’t consider myself half of a couple... If I was invited to something sans DH, I wouldn’t bat an eyelid. But, I suppose everyone is different.
Anyway, weddings are a great place to meet a new partner / have a shag!

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in