Fat shamed at the pool

[haveibeencaughtout]

I was in our local outdoor pool this evening with my DD. It's a big pool with sun loungers and a water park for kids. I got chatting to another mother. Her daughter was the same age as mine and had a mermaid cozzie on. I asked her where she got it from. Chat, chat, chat, blah, blah, blah. I was just being nice because that's what you do.

The girl then said, "Why haven't you got a man?" We laughed about it.

The mother got out of the pool and went to talk to her partner. She left her DD with me. The child had no armbands on. I was a bit miffed. The lifeguard came over and kept an eye on things. The mother and father took selfies for about 5 minutes.

Anyway, about three-quarters of an hour later, I got out of the pool with DD to go home and I was walking to get our stuff from our lounger (which happened to be next to where this family was set up).

As I was walking, this woman's husband shouted to his wife, "Hey! Now I know why!" She couldn't hear him, so he repeated it and his mate laughed while he said, "Do you get it? Do you know what I'm saying?"

For context, English isn't spoken here and he heard me speaking English to my DD, so I think he thought I didn't understand. As I approached, I tried to glare at him. I sat on the lounger and tried to pluck up the courage to say something. I then took my DD to get dressed and had a little cry in the car and wondered if I should sit and wait for them to come out. I've obviously thought of a million things I could say to him since.

Anyway, I'm really upset about it. I am very overweight. I've lost 15 kilos recently, but still have a long way to go. It's the truth. I'm fat. I don't look good in a swimming costume. But it takes a lot of courage to put that to one side to take my DD (aged 3) swimming. I didn't do it for the first year of her life and felt so guilty about it. We go once a week now and she loves it. She swims like a little fish and I feel awful about not doing it sooner.

If I see him again, should I say something? There's a good chance I will see them there again. AIBU for feeling so down? I just feel like I don't want to go back. I feel shit about myself. I was feeling quite positive about life this afternoon and now I'm all teary.

[Ozanj]

Why are you letting losers who can’t even afford armbands at a pool shit all over your happiness?

[Stoptherideiwannagetoff]

He's a superficial arsehole not worth your time or tears! Be positive, you are doing well. He on the other hand will always be a dick

[Anxietyandwine]

Words can be so hurtful. I’m sorry you had to deal with this vile POS. It’s so easy afterwards to think of brilliant comebacks isn’t it?

I am over weight and suffer badly with anxiety but try not to let it stop me doing things with my children so I appreciate the courage it takes to put yourself out there.

If you’re unfortunate enough to encounter them again I’d totally ignore them and if asked why I’d tell the wife exactly what happened and that her partner is shallow, vile and offers unsolicited comments on other peoples bodies around impressionable little girls.

[GlitzAndGlamour26]

OP how do you know they were talking about you?

[twiggytwoo]

I feel you about taking your DD swimming when you don't feel comfortable - but don't let these arseholes ruin it for you and your DD.

[shouldistop]

The 3yo asked why you didn't have a man? That's a really strange question to ask. My 4yo would never think to ask this question. And I often take my kids swimming by myself while my dh is working so why would anyone assume you were single.
Why do you think the mans comments were anything to do with you? He wasn't even there when the girl asked why you were single, was he? And would he still be thinking about that 45 minutes later even if he had been?

I'd assume they were talking amongst themselves tbh. Honestly, people hardly notice other people. They really don't. Your weight is a big deal to you but no one else cares I say that in a supportive way.

[Nanny0gg]

15 kilos?

Wow!

Well done!

[MagnoliatheMagnificent]

Be the superior person. If they are rude enough to say something to you then it says a lot about them. Ignore. You have as much right to be there as them, you and your daughter are having a lovely time together.
Well done on trying to lose weight (I am overweight, I understand), but I think you’re great for being brave enough to go out there, for your child and show her how it’s done.

[Imapotato]

The fact that you put your insecurities aside and take your dd swimming means that you are a million times better person than those idiots. Take no notice.

[monicacat]

Take no notice, he is a typical knob.
You have got the nerve to put yourself put there and take your child swimming while all he can do is make childish cruel remarks.
He will not have impressed anyone with any sense that heard his comments.
I really admire you, you should be proud of yourself.

[MadMadMadamMim]

I don't understand why you thought you were fat shamed - or even why you thought this man was talking about you?

From what you've said he could have been continuing a conversation about anything.

In the nicest way, I think you've over thought this one.

[FangsForTheMemory]

Would like to know how you lost 15kgs!

Are you in Italy by any chance? I've suffered the worst fat-shaming experiences in my life there, not just once but several times, always from men.

Remember: you are a nicer person than they are, and they're likely to be old, sad and miserable one day because they are horrible.

[Radiosilent]

I’m sorry that happened to you today OP. That guy was a dick. But you should be very proud of yourself that you have been taking your DD swimming even though you feel self conscious at the pool, and you’ve lost 15 kilos which is a real achievement! I bet your DD thinks you’re amazing so try to focus on that and ignore the rest.

[Seesawmummadaw]

His opinion doesn’t matter. He’s rude and insensitive, you don’t need his approval.

The child was rude too. I’m guessing her behaviour comes from her father.

[Mrgrinch]

I your title says you were fat shamed yet you made no mention of fat shaming? Did you lose a paragraph?

[Lookingforthecoffeerevels]

Aw, don't let them spoil your time with your daughter. Hold your head high and please don't let them stop you. They're both superficial losers

[haveibeencaughtout]

I don't know why the child asked me. It was a strange question. And it sounded funny. That's why we laughed about it.

When she got out of the pool, I saw her tell her husband and point to us. He laughed and his friend laughed. We all thought it was funny.
I'm very bottom-heavy. I have a thin (and actually quite pretty) face. I suppose the top half of me looks pretty average. So, it probably came as a surprise to him when I stepped out of the water.

The mother hadn't been back to see the father. She was in the pool the whole time.

So, when he shouted out, "Now I know why", it was obvious what he meant. The mate looked a bit shifty and panicky. I'm not being paranoid. He also didn't want to clarify what he meant when she couldn't hear him. He said, "I'll tell you later". This was all being shouted across 50m. He was talking about me. "Now he knows why I haven't got a man". It's pretty clear.

I actually have got a man. I've had a few in my time. Being fat hasn't ever really stopped me, but I don't feel great about myself at the moment at all. And it doesn't help to have my faults ridicued in public.

Anyway, I'll just have to get over it. I know that. I'm just feeling sorry for myself.

[NanaNorasNaughtyKnickers]

Fuck him! You sound really nice, an amazing mum, and pretty fantastic at losing weight. Please don't let what he said replay through your head

[Cheermonger]

You sound great, I’d love to be your friend. Can’t say same about that arsehole though. Well done for looking after yourself and doing shit even though you found it scary.

[shouldistop]

Well then he's a dickhead.

15kg btw? Wow. What have you done to lose that much?

[CroydianSlip]

'The best revenge is a life well lived' as they say!

[GertietheGherkin]

OP forget what idiotic people say. You should be very proud of your weight loss. You and your little girl sound like you have a wonderful time at the pool. Focus on that, the wonderful time your little girl has, and that you have taught her to swim so young. The positives by far outweigh the negativity of idiots. They may in all fairness not have been talking about you, only you know that as you were there.

Keep taking your little girl to the pool, you both have so much fun there. Ignore idiots.

[AgeLikeWine]

OP, the reality is you can’t control what random idiots you encounter in public places think or say, so it really is completely pointless worrying about it. Just ignore the dickheads.

Congratulations on losing 15kg. That’s a fantastic achievement, and good luck with losing the rest of the weight. Not that you need luck, because you have proved you can do it.

[WhenISnappedAndFarted]

OP he's a dick - it's not you it is him. He's obviously very insecure and needs to make himself feel like a big man by trying to bring someone else down.

Well done on losing that amount of weight!