Feeling rubbish because of something which happened at the school's gates

[Banana7]

Hi,

I'm not in the best place right now. I'm feeling judged and not liked by other parents in my son's class (Year 1). As a shy and very unconfident woman, I'm trying really hard when I do school drop and pick up to at least say hi to someone but it always costs me.
I know about 4/5 mums and we do little things with the children but I always have to force myself to organise play dates and so forth (the offers rarely come from them) . My son is on the spectrum for ASD and finds socialising a struggle at best. He hates playgounfs6, birthday parties, soft plays, all the places where you get to know people. Anyway, I'm trying to get him to be with friends outside of school, and I'd like to be on good terms with more parents.

Tonight, this is what happened and now I'm feeling depressed as I feel I've been attacked, and I don't understand why. I was walking off with my son after school when something hit me hard at the back of my foot. I yelped in pain and turned around "Ouch". This little girl was on her scooter behind me, and apologised. The mum apologised too and said "Sorry, she let go". I saw an opportunity to talk to someone new and bent down to speak to the little girl, and said in a really playful mode "Ouchee, that really hurt"... I was of course going to straight away make a nice comment on her scooter, or ask her if she was in my son's class (she is) but the mum rudely cut me off and walked off, saying to her daughter "She's not hurt, let's go, come on". And that was it. I felt stranded, being treated like dirt and I just didn't know what to do. Of course, I now can't stop thinking about it. I don't want it to ruin my weekend but the way things are at the moment, I'm worried my mental health (already fragile) is going to spiral down. I could really do with some support.

[Boomshakalack]

I think that mum felt embarrassed and handled it badly, please don’t feel bad about it.

[Golden2021]

There's some really horrible people out there and some of them are parents. For now I'd stop trying so hard.

[korawick12345]

Well you are an adult who was hurt accidentally by a child who apologised, whose parent also apologised and then after that you decided to say 'ouchee that hurt" to the child! It's not really surprising the other parent saw you as making a fuss over nothing.

[Lumene]

It wasn’t personal, could have happened to any of us.

[JaffaRaf]

They had both already apologised when you said that, the other mum was rude but I don’t think ‘attacked’ ‘stranded’ and ‘treated like dirt’ is really accurate here, and I’m sure she probably didn’t mean for you to feel that way. Sorry you are feeling rubbish OP, but don’t let it ruin your weekend, it was a throw away comment from a rude lady. Hopefully next week will be better.

[Idontgiveagriffindamn]

I don’t think she was particularly rude. The child apologised, the mum apologised. Not sure what more you want.

[motherrunner]

Do you want to make friends or feel you have to? My DC are 9 and 6 and go to breakfast and after school club so the only other parents I see are the ones like me - chucking them in and rushing to work, then grabbing them and rushing home! I can’t sY they are traumatised by not having play dates. They do a lot of extra curricular and make friends that way.

[Soubriquet]

Yeah I don’t think you should have said anything to the child

After the mum said “sorry she let go”

That was your opportunity to say “oh no worries! It was an accident. My child is just the same. They are quick little things at this age aren’t they?”

That opens a conversation

[WildWestWanda]

@korawick12345

Well you are an adult who was hurt accidentally by a child who apologised, whose parent also apologised and then after that you decided to say 'ouchee that hurt" to the child! It's not really surprising the other parent saw you as making a fuss over nothing.

I agree with this tbh.

You misjudged a situation, we’ve all done it. Don’t give it too much head space x

[shouldistop]

Well you are an adult who was hurt accidentally by a child who apologised, whose parent also apologised and then after that you decided to say 'ouchee that hurt" to the child! It's not really surprising the other parent saw you as making a fuss over nothing.

^ I agree with this.

[lughnasadh]

I think that instead of berating a very young child who'd already apologised for accidentally hurting you, you'd have been better off saying 'no worries' to the parent. Who had also apologised

They probably won't give it much more thought, but your way isn't going to make you any friends.

[ComDummings]

I’m sorry you feel so down about it. My first instinct is that the mum was probably embarrassed about the situation, I would be if my child hurt someone (which probably is silly of me but I would!)
Please try not to let it get to you, the school run is a stressful time, people everywhere, lots of rushing around and sometimes people are snappy, try not to take it personally.

[Hoppinggreen]

You are over reacting.
It was nothing, I get it didn’t feel like that to you at the time but it was really nothing

[Waspsarearseholes]

The mum probably misread your playful tone and thought you were going to tell her daughter off. It might have been better to start with a comment about her scooter or something else. Just a bit of an awkward situation all round really. Don't give it any more thought.

[ChanedForThisPost]

So the little girl apologised then the mum apologised and you felt the need to get down to the child's level and make more of the situation?

Sorry OP but I'd have been pissed off if you'd done that to my child AFTER she apologised. There was no need for it.

There were plenty of other ways to make further conversation if you thought it was an opportunity to talk to more parents but on this instance you've come across as someone who didn't graciously accept a child's apology.

[Howshouldibehave]

I think you’re reading too much into it.

She was going home, her daughter scooted into you so she said sorry, and carried on her way.

You’re worried you and your son need more friends and saw ‘an opportunity to talk to someone new’. She didn’t know any of this background.

[Thebig3]

I agree with pp, they had already apologised and you then made a further point of saying it hurt. I don't really understand how you felt stranded and being treated like dirt. You also don't know what was going on with the other parent, sometimes people are in a real rush to get home, to after school clubs etc. She may not have had the time to stop and have a discussion. I agree the other parent could have handled it a bit better. I really would not let it worry you at all.

[GertietheGherkin]

This situations will be plentiful. The playground mums can be very strange individuals.
I'm guessing because you said "ouch" and turned around, they both apologised and the mum thought that was all that needed to be said on the matter.

In bending down to the level of the child, it may have appeared to the mum that you were expecting more from her daughter and saying "ouchy.. That really hurt" looking directly into her face could have been constroud as being rather intimidating, and you were really hitting home the fact that she had hurt you.
The mum being keen to be away from the situation is quite normal. She doesn't want her daughter chastised.
Don't let it ruin your weekend. It's not worth it, they're will be plenty more issues crop up in the playground, you just have to smile and nod, and leave them with it.

[Popchips]

What a weird comment to make!
Why try and make a conversation with a child you don’t know?
I know you were trying to be playful but a that’s really odd

[Whyhello]

She had apologised already so I think the correct way to respond would be something along the lines of ‘oh no worries, these things happen’ and carry on. You bent down and told the little girl she hurt you after she’d apologised. However friendly you said this, I can see why it would seem weird or rude.

My main advice would be to stop trying so hard and stop overthinking things too. Someone bashing into your ankle with a scooter isn’t a reason to jump in and try making a new friend… Most people don’t treat the school run as a social event anyway, it’s just a case of collecting your child and getting out as quickly as possible for a lot of people.

[LostThings]

I imagine she was just in a hurry. Try not to dwell on it too much. I overthink things like this sometimes aswell, but I shouldn't imagine the other mum will give it another thought, so try not to worry.

[miltonj]

It's definitely your anxiety getting the better of you. (I know how hard that is). In reality though the other mum won't have given it a second thought, so you shouldn't either.

It sounds as though you don't really want to be friends with the other mums and it's just something you feel like you should be doing (I might be wrong there). In which case, don't force yourself to, especially if your son isn't bothered.

[3scape]

They did apologise. Unfortunately there are a lot of thoughtless parents who don't think about their child having no control over scooters and bikes in tight spaces. She was probably justifiably embarrassed at a decision that wasn't her best.

[mindutopia]

Yes, I think it sounds like you intended to make the child and the mum feel bad after it was clearly an accident and she apologised. A better thing to have said was, 'oh, no worries, accident's happen. I really love your purple scooter though!'. Instead, it sounds like you tried to make her feel bad, even though that wasn't obviously what you intended.

That said, I really wouldn't stress about school gate friendships. I vaguely know some other parents (and mine is in Y3). It's nice to occasionally have a chat, but I don't see them as friends or expend much energy on it. Lots of people don't really want to chat at the school gates, especially with COVID. It's not necessarily you.

[StopPokingTheRoyalTitDear]

I can understand the mum reacting the way she did. She and her daughter had both already said sorry to you and in her mind you were making it a bigger thing than they felt it should have been. I know you didn’t mean it like that but the other mum didn’t know that.

I do understand how it feels to be on outside of everything. My son is on the spectrum too and way back when he was in mainstream school the nicest I got from most parents on the playground were pitying looks. They didn’t mean to be standoffish most of them I think they just didn’t know what to say.