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AIBU?

Being a dick to ask for the money back?

427 replies

Youresogolden · 09/06/2021 13:30

Went out a few weeks ago for mums play date/brunch. I ended up paying for a friend there as she forgot her purse, big confusion as paid for her drink but then she took the change given by the waiter (which was mine) so she owed me £10. She texted later laughing about her mistake and saying we’d have to meet and she’d give it to me. I said no worries etc and left it at that. We’re due to go for another play date/brunch with lots of mums on Friday, arranged by her as she lives nearby. Would I be being a dick to text beforehand asking if she could give me the tenner so I can get brunch for Dd and myself? Or should I wait to see if she offers to pay for it..? She’s very scatty, disorganised and forgetful, so she may have forgotten..just I’m quite skint this week and it would help?

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ShirleyPhallus · 09/06/2021 13:32

100% text her and ask. It’s probably an innocent mistake but do not be that pushover MNer that can’t stand up for herself!

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Tooshytoshine · 09/06/2021 13:32

Just text... I wouldn't want to think less of somebody or be thought less of for the sake of a tenner.

If she says no or doesn't give it back then you have the measure of her. I once made friends with a mum who was very good at not paying her own way but was the wealthiest of all of us. The friendship didn't last.

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JellyBabiesFan · 09/06/2021 13:35

Not at all, it is your money.

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Youresogolden · 09/06/2021 13:35

@ShirleyPhallus It’s not that I’m not standing up for myself, I just don’t know it it seems a bit petty to ask for a tenner back off a friend, or to ask for money back at all really.

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Moonshine11 · 09/06/2021 13:37

I would let it go tbh

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stackemhigh · 09/06/2021 13:40

No, definitely ask for it back.

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NotTheCatsWhiskers · 09/06/2021 13:40

I would ask, it’s a tenner she owes you.

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QioiioiioQ · 09/06/2021 13:41

I think her mistake was a 'mistake'...

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AprilHeather · 09/06/2021 13:42

I would ask; I am a scatty person so I’d appreciate the reminder.

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ittakes2 · 09/06/2021 13:42

Just tell her you are skint this week and is it OK if she brings you the tenner.

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QioiioiioQ · 09/06/2021 13:42

[quote Youresogolden]@ShirleyPhallus It’s not that I’m not standing up for myself, I just don’t know it it seems a bit petty to ask for a tenner back off a friend, or to ask for money back at all really.[/quote]
She has factored all this into her strategy

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ChangePart1 · 09/06/2021 13:44

She said that she'd have to give it to you when you next met, so I would go by the assumption that's what is happening.

When you meet up and it's time to pay, just say to her 'oh would you mind giving me that tenner so I can pay please?' or 'do you want to get mine this time?' if she doesn't offer.

If she doesn't say anything about it then by all means text later and say 'sorry I forgot to ask for that tenner! I'll give you my bank details' and send them across.

It's really not petty to ask for it back, it's actually rude on her part not to give it. If someone lends me money I'm itching to give it back asap! That's just what you do.

Had a similar situation a while back when a guy my friend was seeing came to a gig with us, there was some issue with the bar not taking cards or something so I ended up buying him a tenner's worth of drinks and he laughed it off saying he'd get me a few drinks 'next time', despite the fact that we had no plans at all to go to any gigs together in the future. We ended up going for brunch the next day randomly before they had to leave so when it came to be time to pay I just asked if he would pay for mine to cover the drinks last night. Don't think he was expecting it but hey.

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TheNorthWind · 09/06/2021 13:45

I'd definitely ask, but I'd ask in person, just because tone can be off in texts/It doesn't give her a chance to offer it.

If she doesn't have the cash on her, bank transfers are free and instant...

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stackemhigh · 09/06/2021 13:46

@Moonshine11

I would let it go tbh

OP is skint, she shouldn't let it go at all.
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cupsofcoffee · 09/06/2021 13:46

Get your money back!

I'm convinced that people who "forget" their purse all the time bank on others feeling too "awkward" to bring it up.

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Youresogolden · 09/06/2021 13:47

@QioiioiioQ Do you really think so?

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Moonshine11 · 09/06/2021 13:47

@stackemhigh was just saying what I would do

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lunar1 · 09/06/2021 13:48

I hope if I forgot to give money back I owed that someone would remind me!

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Juneisjoyful · 09/06/2021 13:49

Hi friend, will meet you outside so that tenner can get me in and me and dc our snacks..

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Youresogolden · 09/06/2021 13:49

@TheNorthWind Yes, that’s truth and she might think, God I was going to pay for brunch/give it back

The issue is she’s so all over the place, I wouldn’t know if it was a genuine forget or what

I have a feeling it will be forgotten, with other friends I wouldn’t think to text beforehand 🤷🏻‍♀️

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babybabybabybabymother · 09/06/2021 13:49

I've noticed theives always start out by being a bit forgetful

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MaskingForIt · 09/06/2021 13:49

Just text “hi friends, looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, I’m a bit skint this week so can you bring the tenner you owe me otherwise we’ll be going hungry”

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Youresogolden · 09/06/2021 13:49

*That’s true

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Beardie03 · 09/06/2021 13:50

Wait until the actual playmate. Chances are she will let you have it as soon as you arrive. If not then ask

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jellybeansforbreakfast · 09/06/2021 13:50

Oh that's so fucking female and British, isn't it?

You put yourself out for someone and are now too embarrased to ask them to put you right.

We all do it. Some people know how to use this to their advantage.

You have 2 choices:

Ask her first

Or, when it comes to settling up say "Oh, if you pay for us that'll make us straight" and smile... a lot!


And don't feel embarrassed.

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