AIBU to think we did a nice thing?!

(504 Posts)
WeddingSingers Sun 06-Jun-21 20:08:17

NC because this is very outing.

About two weeks ago, DH and I attended a wedding where DH was the Best Man. The bride went a little bit "bridezilla" in the build-up to the wedding - including quite a big argument where she was insisting to her DH that the bride should get a veto on any wedding decision and was insisting that she got to choose the suits). We're not in the UK so Covid restrictions were different so around 100 people in attendance.

On the day, the band contacted the couple to say that there was some issue (it was illness related but not sure if it was Covid) and they couldn't be there. DH is a musician with an audio background - he spoke to the Groom offered to sing and play guitar for their first dance and a few other pieces. I also sometimes sing with DH (I'm not a professional singer) so I did some backing vocals for the songs. I thought it was quite nice and went quite well all things considered - it was also quite a lot of stress to try and sort out on the day of the wedding to go home and get kit and get things set up without anyone really being aware or missing any part of the day.

I've just been messaged by the Bride today to say that she's really hurt that I made "her day" all about me "by stealing the limelight". I also wore white shoes (with a navy dress) and she's said it was "totally inappropriate and really nasty". I feel like this is completely absurd - I only sang the backing vocals and, of course, all eyes would've been on her! I understand not wearing white to a wedding but I feel like it's just my shoes - am I wrong here?

Should I apologise just to keep the peace and prevent anything being awkward with DH and his best mate? Should I ignore entirely? Should I respond and defend myself? Or was I in the wrong and should I apologise?

OP’s posts: |
Ifimight Sun 06-Jun-21 20:09:18

The only words out of her mouth should have been "thank you".

JoyOrbison Sun 06-Jun-21 20:10:28

Just reply "You're welcome. We'll send the invoice shortly"

20viona Sun 06-Jun-21 20:12:53

She's batshit

HandfulofDust Sun 06-Jun-21 20:13:36

Jesus Christ! She sounds ridiculous! I'm assuming you didn't get up on stage uninvited, she agreed for you to sing and you sang. Who the hell even notices the coloyr if someone's shoes?

KarmaStar Sun 06-Jun-21 20:15:57

Completely self absorbed.ditch.block.forget.

WeddingSingers Sun 06-Jun-21 20:16:41


Jesus Christ! She sounds ridiculous! I'm assuming you didn't get up on stage uninvited, she agreed for you to sing and you sang. Who the hell even notices the coloyr if someone's shoes?

I'm not sure if she knew. DH arranged it with the groom because they didn't want to stress her or worry her on her wedding day. The groom got the phone call so tried to sort it himself. The groom then told the bride (after the ceremony because they didn't see each other before) that the band couldn't make it but not to worry because he's sorted the music.

OP’s posts: |


LawnFever Sun 06-Jun-21 20:17:36

She’s nuts!

HandfulofDust Sun 06-Jun-21 20:18:49

Then she can take it up with her husband if he agreed to something she wasn't comfortable with!

MaybeCrazy2 Sun 06-Jun-21 20:19:36

This is an easy one. Just text back I’m sorry then drop her from your life. Can’t be dealing with any drama but I’d be happy for my partner to keep his friend whose her husband.

I know your not in the wrong and she is batshit but I just can’t be doing with playground spiel, life’s way way too short.

Weirdfan Sun 06-Jun-21 20:20:12

I would send back 'you're welcome' and leave it at that, you can't argue with batshit and Ifimight is right, thank you should have been the only message you got from her.

Immunetypegoblin Sun 06-Jun-21 20:21:11

She's fucking bonkers. I'd have been beyond impressed at your and your DHs initiative if you'd done that for me! She sounds hideously controlling too. Bet her DH is profoundly hmm at her reaction too. She could also be horribly insecure.

You did nothing wrong basically.

MichelleScarn Sun 06-Jun-21 20:21:43


Just reply "You're welcome. We'll send the invoice shortly"

Yep, I'd say 'it's unfortunate my shoe colour was such a detriment to you, I'll take 5% off the bill'

Shamoo Sun 06-Jun-21 20:22:30

I honestly just wouldn’t reply at all. She’s insane and any reply you send other than an apology will make it worse, but an apology will leave her thinking she is in the right which wouldn’t be ok.

SleepingLikeALog Sun 06-Jun-21 20:22:59

I would get your DH to forward the message to the groom along with a brief message along the lines of "I'm not sure how to reply to this." Then let the groom sort her out.

SmidgenofaPigeon Sun 06-Jun-21 20:23:13

White shoes though? With a navy dress?

It’s besides the point but I’m just struggling to imagine that colour combo.

thecatfromjapan Sun 06-Jun-21 20:23:26

Ignore. Don't reply.

Show your DH the message. He can chat to his best friend and the best friend can talk to his wife when she's less bonkers.

Your DH is friends with the Groom, he and the Groom can sort it out.

Honestly. That's a ridiculous message.

Imagine being married to someone who is such hard work, though!

JillsFlapjacks Sun 06-Jun-21 20:23:29

She sounds very insecure. I'd ignore her, and not do her any favours in future.

Immunetypegoblin Sun 06-Jun-21 20:23:40

Maybe text back "I'm very sorry if we upset you - it was absolutely not our intention to steal any focus whatsoever, we just wanted to help with the music. Honestly, we thought we were helping you out. I'm really sorry that this has caused stress though. I hope you had a good honeymoon. Speak soon, OP"

Hopefully that strikes the right line between standing your ground for common sense and soothing her feelings.

Msfoxy17 Sun 06-Jun-21 20:24:09

Cant imagine why youd ask if you should apologise. If I were you, I'd tell your OH you are not interested in ever seeing these people again. Is her DH aware of what she has said to you?!

MrsW150917 Sun 06-Jun-21 20:24:24

What a dick
I see you probably don't want to fall out for the sake of ur husband and his best mate but that doesn't mean you have to be overly friendly with her again. Just be civil and never forget what an ungrateful brat she's been.
Vile woman

legalseagull Sun 06-Jun-21 20:24:36

Just reply 'wow' and never speak to her again. She's batshit.

Immunetypegoblin Sun 06-Jun-21 20:24:54

Actually on second thoughts the other posters are right - deflect to your DH and hers!

3scape Sun 06-Jun-21 20:26:27

She sounds crazy. Though a picture of the offending shoes might help.

ProudPolyGradSingleMum Sun 06-Jun-21 20:26:29

I’d get your DH to deal with it via his mate and stay well out of it.

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