To think it’s challenging to support a family on £25k a year?

[Mileu]

I am pregnant with 1st DC and intend on going back to work after enhanced maternity pay ends- then my husband will stay home for a bit.
I keep getting comments that I’ll change my mind after DC is born and I won’t want to leave my baby, and it’s not all about money and I can stay home.
Other than finding it a bit sexist really (as if my job is just some sort of hobby) I also think it’s not practical.
Whilst it isn’t all about money, I earn £50k and my husband £25k.
There is no way we could maintain our current standard of living on just his salary (with or without a bit of additional SMP). When people suggest this I really think they must be out of touch- one £25k job does not pay the mortgage on a 3 bed semi in desirable area, run a car (we share one), and cover all the bills and necessities for two adults and a child. My job could- hence me going back and my husband then taking time off.
The only way I can think that we could do this is if we sold our house and moved to a 2 bed terrace in a less desirable area and then lived very frugally and even then we would be pushing it. Plus- I don’t want to do that!
These comments really annoy me 😬 AIBU to think people are clueless as to the cost of living (and to the fact that a woman can outearn a man!)

[Babyroobs]

I don't think it's easy to live on 25k but it does depend on rent/ mortgage costs. Nor do I think it is necessary to have a 75k income to live comfortably and have some luxuries. Can you consider going part time or both of you go part time?

[Justanticipating]

I lost my at the end of maternity in March and my DP earns around the £23k mark (i was on the same before) . I've not been in a rush to get back to work because I didn't want to leave my baby after our 1st year being in lockdown and we're topping up the bills with my redundancy payout( but will applying this month) But it's not sustainable.
We don't even live in an expensive area (mortgage & bills £950 a month not including food) and live quite frugally already.
£50k is a great salary and I'd be wary of leaving that. If anything I would see if you can see about going back part time.

[Wotsitsarecheesy]

Do they know your DH's salary? They may be assuming he earns more than he does, and that you earn less. Or more likely they just aren't thinking at all about the practicalities, but purely about the sentiment. It would be a massive drop for you, going from £75k to £25k household income, so I don't blame you for wanting to stay in your job! It never occurred to me to give mine up, for similar reasons, although I did move to part time, which worked for us.

[Justanticipating]

@Justanticipating

I lost my at the end of maternity in March and my DP earns around the £23k mark (i was on the same before) . I've not been in a rush to get back to work because I didn't want to leave my baby after our 1st year being in lockdown and we're topping up the bills with my redundancy payout( but will applying this month) But it's not sustainable.
We don't even live in an expensive area (mortgage & bills £950 a month not including food) and live quite frugally already.
£50k is a great salary and I'd be wary of leaving that. If anything I would see if you can see about going back part time.

Lost my job*

[MrPickles73]

I am the main breadwinner and some people just cannot understand this and assume are sahm or work part time

[SchrodingersImmigrant]

It's logical that higher earner will go back to work when possible regardless of what's bin their nether regions.

[RoseMartha]

It can be done and people live on a lot less with more children.

But it does depend on your lifestyle choices etc.

I think if you have been used to living off £75k then it will be a big shock to have £23k

Whereas people for who £23k is the norm or more than they have to live on it is more than doable.

£75k seems a fortune to me.

I am going to suggest that perhaps you both work but you cut down your hours. Your little one will not be little for long and that time is so precious.

[JackieTheFart]

YANBU.

I love the immediate assumption from the first respondent that you actually don’t want to go back and part time is more desirable!

[alwayscrashinginthesamecar1]

You don't have to go back part time, that's what child care is for. I never even considered it, because I like having money and my mum brought me up to always be capable of earning my own. I certainly wouldn't be giving up a 50k salary in a hurray! Do what you want, who cares what other people say or think.

[Merryoldgoat]

When I was planning to go back to work after DS1 my grandmother asked me if she gave me £50 a week that would be enough that I didn’t have to work. She referred to my job as an accountant as ‘your little job’.

Some people are just clueless. She had literally no idea what people earned and would’ve probably had a stroke if she knew how much my mortgage was.

[JustWonderingIfYou]

I think most people would assume someone in your position- homeowner, stable relationship, nice area- would have saved up to enable a longer maternity leave before getting pregnant.

I certainly would have made that assumption if if you look to be in a position to do that. In my personal experience most women want to spend as long as possible with their newborn before going back to work even my most career loving friends.

[sst1234]

Ignore nonsense advice from people who either have no sense of financial independence and are happy to rely on their partner or think that having children is some kind of unrivalled achievement. It’s a stage in life a big responsibility. But an woman’s financial independence is worth its weight it gold.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

I dont know, I'd like to try living on 25k a year.....we might manage a holiday!

Its all relative. thanks to covid redundancy and being a single parent I am on much less than that so I would say YABU. But presumably you lived to your means before now so what you should be asking is "is it U to think that WE cannot support a family on 25k"

[Quaggars]

Depends where and when you bought, surely?!
For example houses round here are a lot cheaper than London/Down South area.
We bought our house 20 years ago so lot cheaper mortgage than a lot of people.
So that isn't high
25k is doable (albeit a bit tight, but still doable)

[PyongyangKipperbang]

@Quaggars

Depends where and when you bought, surely?!
For example houses round here are a lot cheaper than London/Down South area.
We bought our house 20 years ago so lot cheaper mortgage than a lot of people.
So that isn't high
25k is doable (albeit a bit tight, but still doable)

Same here.

Good sized 3 bed mid terrace in a naice area in the midlands 21 years ago......£40k. I couldnt afford to buy it now, never mind rent it! Counting down the 3.5 years til the mortgage is done!

[cinammonbuns]

@JustWonderingIfYou yeah you do not run in normal circles of people can save for s longer maternity. And what exactly does that mean. Telling your job that you will not be returning after maternity leave is up as you want to be home. That would be called quitting your job. Most people can’t afford that.

[Mileu]

I suppose for info our mortgage, bills, car insurance etc add up to £1.5k a month without food.
We aren’t south east but still in an area that has been deemed ‘up and coming’ and seems to appear a lot in lists of most in demand locations. We have around 30% equity in the house.
Unable to save anything prior to now as house renovations (new boiler & kitchen) have wiped out money.
I’m probably young enough that I could have waited a few more years but was fearful of problems TTC ( and these weren’t unfounded based on medical history but got lucky).

[Mileu]

Also the boiler and kitchen were required- the room was basically empty with a tap and a socket when we moved in.

[Mileu]

[quote cinammonbuns]@JustWonderingIfYou yeah you do not run in normal circles of people can save for s longer maternity. And what exactly does that mean. Telling your job that you will not be returning after maternity leave is up as you want to be home. That would be called quitting your job. Most people can’t afford that.[/quote]
I think they mean I could have saved to have a year off rather than the 7 months I will have - but I would have to have saved over £10k just to make up shortfall in income for those 5 months.

[Rollmopsrule]

The people making these comments probably don't care either way what you do. It's just inane chit chat - goes with the territory of having a kid.

[Mileu]

Thanks @sst1234

Yes it does seem that now I’m going to be a mother my whole career is supposed to just fade into obscurity and be disposable in a way that is not the case for men!

[Quaggars]

Just noticed your comment
AIBU to think people are clueless as to the cost of living (and to the fact that a woman can outearn a man!)

Nope, you are not being unreasonable in the slightest there, as in women are perfectly capable of earning the same, and even more than men!

[OopsUp]

I went back to work when my DC was 5 months old (that's all they paid back then). I obviously love my child but I also wasn't going to give up a career and a well paid job.

Got to say, I never felt judged. All the mums I know have always worked.

[helpmebeanadult]

That would just about cover our mortgage - small house, Greater London. Actually it wouldn't. It would cover our mortgage pre-tax. YANBU

[cally8019]

Do what works for you- fuck everyone else!

I had twins 8 days ago and returned to work today (as in Monday). Both me and DH have our own businesses but I’m more “hands on” with mine then he is- so he is at home with our DDs until we find reliable childcare because his business is more likely to tick over happily without him. It’s just reality- we have 3 at private school, one who has just left uni and moved miles away (and we’ve had to pay rent, a deposit plus give her cash for other bills and food) and obviously mouths to feed, roof over our heads to be paid for etc.

I don’t give a shit what people think about me anyway- but it’s your child