AIBU to think my SIL was trying to steal my thunder?

(139 Posts)
GlasgowMiss1991 Mon 17-May-21 10:32:24

So this happened before Covid, when people could attend events etc.

I had just got engaged and my family had kindly organised a family dinner for just my parents, siblings and partners and my cousin had organised a brunch the following day for the wider family to mark the occasion.

My SIL has a track record of becoming ill whenever my family has an occasion - she's missed major birthday celebrations, naming ceremonies etc.

On the day of the dinner she insisted that we call to her house beforehand, which was not something she'd ever done before. My mother, my sister and I called down. My brother, (SIL's husband), and my Dad weren't there. SIL congratulated me on my engagement and told us she was pregnant.

I was delighted for her, but surprised at the manner that she had announced it, especially given that my brother wasn't even there.

She then became ill and hysterical later on in the evening and didn't show up for the family dinner.

I was mainly confused and surprised but my mother was quietly livid (she did not make this known to SIL or brother). She did ask them, however, not to announce the pregnancy at the brunch the following day.

Anyway I'm sure you can see where this is going. They announced it at the brunch. Everyone seemed a bit stunned by the announcement, there was no major fuss made.

Anyway, this happened ages ago, but since then she has done this again. She didn't attend my hen party and she took ill just after the ceremony at my wedding and left before dinner started. We had booked and paid for a room for them at the wedding venue so she could have gone for a lie down but instead she went home. There was a second day of celebrations at the wedding but she didn't attend that either.

We make it our business to attend all of their parties/events etc.

We never spoke about this. I just sort of pretended that it was normal because frankly I didn't know how to approach it, and I don't want to start a fight. I have a good relationship with my brother. I mentioned it to a few friends but they didn't really offer opinions on it.

AIBU to think that she is trying to get attention, or at least trying to disrespect my celebrations deliberately? This isn't normal, right?

OP’s posts: |
KaptainKaveman Mon 17-May-21 10:35:23

YANBU, OP. I'm afraid she sounds deeply envious of anyone who has good news or nice events to celebrate. She also sounds extremely childish. If I were you I would do my best to distance myself - remain on civil terms but engage as little as you can.

Footloosefancyfree Mon 17-May-21 10:35:36

Could she have been pregnant again or was it the same pregnancy?

Hankunamatata Mon 17-May-21 10:37:00

She is a big drama lama. Roll your eyes at her and let her get on with it. She sounds quite jealous of you

Michaelangelo467 Mon 17-May-21 10:37:25

What does your brother do/say?

Sicario Mon 17-May-21 10:38:19

My sister is like this. Every single time over every little thing. I don't have anything to do with her any more.

Aprilwasverywet Mon 17-May-21 10:38:22

Make a mental note if dh doesn't invite her then you don't...
My sil was also a nightmare... Wouldn't have my dd(not dh's) at her wedding incase the guests thought her dps were dgps already when she wanted the first dgc...
A year later I did have the first dgc.. She never forgave me.

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MoreAloneTime Mon 17-May-21 10:39:26

I think this is one of those situations where you have to accept you can't change a person. You have to adjust (lower, let's be honest it's always lower) your expectations of them and put in your own boundaries to reduce hurt.

For what it's worth I had really unpleasant pregnancies. I didn't make a drama out of this but wouldn't have made myself suffer a social event I couldn't cope with. If you are determined to always attend her events then good for you, she doesn't have the same attitude and you can't change that

MishMashMummy Mon 17-May-21 10:40:46

Yanbu. It’s super rude to announce big news of your own at someone else’s celebration. She is clearly envious of you, or just a deeply bitter and selfish person.

mainsfed Mon 17-May-21 10:43:39

YANBU. I'm so pleased your mum stood up for you.

I would keep her arm's lengths from now on and don't give too much of yourself to her. Don't make her a priority and don't let this continue into the next generation (people like this often encourage their children to treat their cousins badly).

MoreAloneTime Mon 17-May-21 10:44:43

The announcement at someone else's event is rude. I'd understand a discreet word with a host "I'm currently pregnant so if I have to run out and throw up it's not a reflection on the food" to be fair.

mainsfed Mon 17-May-21 10:50:29

And next time she summons you to hers before an event, say no!

PriestessofPing Mon 17-May-21 10:56:16

Yea it does sound like she’s trying g to get the attention on her, but i’d try not to rise to it. Think about it, she’s so jealous when other people have big news that she is either genuinely unwell with it or she pretends to be. Neither is the sign of a healthy person.

reprehensibleme Mon 17-May-21 11:00:59

Everyone will recognise her for the drama queen she is. Best way to deal - ignore what you can, say 'how nice' and move on if she makes dramatic announcement (or obviously `how sad' if situation warrants) and 'OK, bye, feel better soon' if she does dramatic death's door exit.
Stop allowing her the power to spoil occasions - by ignoring /downplaying your response to her ridiculousness hopefully, as she's obviously doing it for dramatic effect, she'll eventually get the hump that it's not working and stop.

JudgeJ Mon 17-May-21 11:04:54

I know one like this, if I break one leg , she breaks two! Whatever's wrong with anyone she has it far worse, never a cold but flu.

Embroideredstars Mon 17-May-21 11:09:40

Just ignore her, the best thing for something like the pregnancy announcement is an indifferent "how nice/what a shame" depending on type of drama before returning attention to the main event people. Sort of like how you would treat a child showing off or making a scene.

If you all act unbothered by her dramatics and don't give her any attention hopefully she will stop.. I think most people would see her pregnancy announcement at your wedding as the attention seeking stunt it was...

frogswimming Mon 17-May-21 11:09:56

Well I'd be grateful she doesn't turn up to events tbh! Leaving you free to enjoy them. Imagine if she turned up and made a fuss!

AlexinMotherland Mon 17-May-21 11:12:03

This happened to me too! Big (early) pregnancy announcement on my engagement, didn’t come to the wedding, drama whenever she’s not centre of attention etc.

I really think social media has a lot to answer for with people like this, just try to pity her and know YANBU.

ANewDawnANewDay Mon 17-May-21 11:14:13

My MIL used to get sick the day we were leaving (whenever we went to visit her - long distance so we would stay a week or so).

The care lavished on her by her sons was a sight to behold! Sil and I used to grab a seat and sit down with the metaphorical popcorn.

Been married 20 years now - I think she stopped after about 10 years.
There's nothing you can do - it probably stems from insecurity somewhere. Just be polite and mostly leave her to it.

FijiCavanaugh Mon 17-May-21 11:14:59

Yes she is ridiculous and YANBU. You are reacting in the right way though which is just to ignore her silliness and not draw any attention to her antics. I would feel sorry for her as she is clearly very insecure.

Bellringer Mon 17-May-21 11:15:08

Maybe she is shy or has anxiety. Or maybe she's an arse. Enjoy your day and ignore

ThatIsMyPotato Mon 17-May-21 11:17:12

Does she have social anxiety?

Therunecaster Mon 17-May-21 11:17:18

Gosh.. on my wedding day I was 6 weeks pregnant and my two sisters and two sister in laws were all in the early stages of pregancy too. Its one of my happiest memories when we all guessed due to the lack of alcohol consumption.

pissface Mon 17-May-21 11:17:27

There's no bloody hope for some people, 8 years ago(today, it's her birthday!) my SIL'a boyfriend proposed, my DD was also born and she told me I 'better not tell everyone and steal her thunder' as if I could just have closed my legs and held DD in for a few days. Bizarre, some people just can't stand not being the centre of attention.

Youdoyoutoday Mon 17-May-21 11:22:18

Wow she sounds like hard work, I would just avoid her to be honest though a part of me want would want to let slip a "big announcement" just to see what she comes up with next grin

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