To be peed off because DH is salty that I didn’t have a hot dinner ready for him?!

(177 Posts)
Vaselina Fri 14-May-21 20:40:36

DH works shifts, today he was working 2-8pm.

I told him last night that I was going to have a busy day today and was at my siblings this evening and wouldn’t be home til gone 7 so I said I’d just be grabbing myself a McDonald’s or fish & chips or something on the way home.

He told me this morning he’d be home at 8.30/9pm. I said again, I won’t be cooking dinner as I won’t be home til a bit later myself. Reiterated again that I would just be grabbing myself a McDonald’s or something.

That’s what I did.

DH messaged me at 8 to say he was leaving work and was there dinner for him, I said no, because I just grabbed something out. He has to drive through the same town as me to get back to our village, there is a fish and chip shop, McDonald’s, Chinese etc. He knew driving through it that there was no dinner for him at home.

He’s come home and appears annoyed, we had a bit of a row and he said ‘It’s the fact you didn’t think to have something hot ready for me when I came home. You didn’t think about me at all.’

I’m pissed off, just for the record, DH and I have been together for 7 years, he has worked shifts for 7 years and for the last 7 years I have pretty much always had a hot meal ready for him if he gets home at 8.30/9. The majority of the time obviously that means me waiting to eat until then too and sometimes I’m bloody starving by the time we do.

He’s now cooking something downstairs with a sour look on his face. I said I don’t know why he didn’t just stop and pick up something on the way home. We can afford it and it’s just the once!!

I’ve just said, I’m not a 1950’s housewife and don’t need to ‘think about and consider him’ 24/7. He’s a grown man! Fair enough if it was a regular occurrence but it’s not. AIBU?!

OP’s posts: |
Loopylobes Fri 14-May-21 20:43:58

You did think about him.

You took the time to let him know that you wouldn't be cooking for him. You could just have not bothered telling him.

Does he plan meals too or is it always your job?

Aprilwasverywet Fri 14-May-21 20:45:56

Shove the kettle on. Job done..

AutoIncorrect Fri 14-May-21 20:46:03

He’s a twat and thinks you’re is slave. How dare you not meet his every need? He’d be making his own dinner from now on if I were you.

Vaselina Fri 14-May-21 20:46:10

Well that’s what I said. I did think about him because I let him know both last night and today that I wasn’t cooking and was going to be grabbing something out.

No, to be fair he does 40-50% of the cooking (depending on how busy he is at work)

OP’s posts: |
crankysaurus Fri 14-May-21 20:46:55

Buy him a slow cooker, he could put on something before he goes to work at 2 in the afternoon and have something hot then. He's obviously demonstrating that he can cook for himself.

threeteenstaximum Fri 14-May-21 20:47:06

Meh, your DH can cook himself something. Surely you have a fridge and food lou d cupboard that has food in. Or as you say he passes the shops

But we don't know your background. Do you work ? do you have children ? (In which case does he pull his weight with childcare ?)

It's weird that you told him your weren't around and yet he still eclectic yes you to cook a dinner for him


threeteenstaximum Fri 14-May-21 20:48:23

Oh he cooks too, 50% of the time?
And all you are doing is arguing over tonight as you were out late?

Do you work?

MonkeyPuddle Fri 14-May-21 20:48:28

I’d laugh in his sour pissy face. Fuck that misogyny.

Shoxfordian Fri 14-May-21 20:48:42


You gave him plenty of notice

Persipan Fri 14-May-21 20:49:00

I would make him a really passive-aggressive salad every day for a fucking month.

threeteenstaximum Fri 14-May-21 20:50:25

If you both work, he's being outrageous

If you don't work snd he's financially supporting you without any children for either of you, then you told him you were out and you can debate on expectations but he's still a bit misogynist to expect a meal cooked for him when you aren't there

Vaselina Fri 14-May-21 20:50:29

I work yes, I finished work, cleaned the house, went to my sibling’s for an hour to drop something off and then came home. I was home for about an hour before DH got home so to be fair I could have put something in the oven for him but I was hovering when he came in as I didn’t get time to get that done earlier before I left. I just couldn’t be arsed tonight tbh and was hoping he would just sort himself out. Yes that’s selfish but it’s not a regular occurrence so I don see the issue.

OP’s posts: |
purplecorkheart Fri 14-May-21 20:50:57

I am getting more and more grateful that I am single. You are not in the wrong.

FourTurnings Fri 14-May-21 20:51:13

The 1950s called, they want your husband back

tiredofthisshit21 Fri 14-May-21 20:51:35

Does he think it's 1942? Tell him to fuck off to the chippy.

threeteenstaximum Fri 14-May-21 20:52:20

So you work
You told him you'd be out, eating out and wouldn't be able to make him a dinner this evening

He's a sexist arse

bigbaggyeyes Fri 14-May-21 20:52:52

He's being utterly ridiculous

threeteenstaximum Fri 14-May-21 20:54:49

Raise your eyebrow and remind him it's isn't 1950s anymore
Women got the vote 100 years ago

Lollypop701 Fri 14-May-21 20:55:54

It’s NOT selfish. You told him upfront it was a takeout night. He chose to be a martyr (aka a twat) about you not being his 1950 housewife. Not your problem. But you need to ask him, considering the conversation, why he had behaved as he jast

MonkeyPuddle Fri 14-May-21 20:56:24

You’re not selfish. He’s being a twat.

cupsofcoffee Fri 14-May-21 20:57:39

Did he say why he didn't just pick up a takeaway?

Chicchicchicchiclana Fri 14-May-21 20:58:28

You know you're not bu. I don't even know why you're asking.

Thatisnotwhatisaid Fri 14-May-21 20:59:03

So he doesn’t listen to you and expects a hot meal when he returns from work every day. Such a catch, in 1951.

MishMashMummy Fri 14-May-21 21:00:37

Is he a bit thick? Why didn’t he understand the several times you told him you weren’t going to cook for him?

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