To not want DH to have a sex toy when I have one?

[Confrontayshunme]

DH recently bought me a new sex toy, which I appreciate. He mentioned in passing that he would like one and said the company emailed him an ad with male sleeve/fleshlight type toys. I don't know why, but I really don't want him to have one of these. He and I were both a bit surprised, as I am a big fan of feminism and generally favour all things being equal.

I guess I think that we use "my" toy together so I can achieve orgasm, but his would be just for him (and he has hands for that). Also, the cleanup for them seems...gross.

I wouldn't mind terribly if my DDs were teenage/adult women and knew I had toys, but I definitely don't feel the same about a silicone vagina/ass. Boak.

AIBU?

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[luciles]

I don't think you're being entirely unreasonable. Did you tell him you don't want him to have it? What did he say if so? A lot of people would see it as unfair. I think fleshlights are gross in general so I might be biased.

[TheDiddlyGang]

Incredibly unreasonable.

[pandarific]

I think you’re being silly. You know you’re allowed to use your toy yourself? You know you’re allowed to orgasm yourself, whenever you like? The poor guy just fancies a go with a toy, I’m a bit at your ‘he has a hand for that’, it’s somewhat controlling and borderline shaming language.

It’s just a toy, and theyre just orgasms op. Chill.

[MishMashMummy]

YABU. Toys are for everyone! And no reason why you can’t get involved too, even if it is a fleshlight.

[TimeForTeaAndG]

His toy, cleanup is his responsibility.

[HollowTalk]

Oh god, I couldn't be interested in a man who bought one of them.

[UndeadSlut]

I would feel the same as you, for the same reasons!

I think also the male orgasm is a different beast to a female one. For a man, once he's ejaculated he's "done", so if he used the toy for that then that's the end of it. When DP and I use toys together on me they're like a warm up, I have a few orgasms or at least one from that and then we are both ready for PIV.
Also, I don't have any phallic toys, ones supposed to look or feel like a penis. If DP had a thing that was "like a vagina" to play with I'd probably feel a bit weird about it.

Very anti-feminist of me of course but that's the way it is! Thankfully DP doesn't seem interested, I honestly don't know how I'd feel or what I'd do if he was!

[RickiTarr]

the company emailed him an ad with male sleeve/fleshlight type toys. I don't know why, but I really don't want him to have one of these. He and I were both a bit surprised, as I am a big fan of feminism

Aye right. 🙄

[NuffSaidSam]

I think YABU. And you I think you know you are really.

I wouldn't get involved with the clean up though, that's for him to worry about!

[AnUnoriginalUsername]

We both have toys, and we used them both together. It doesn't have to look like a vagina there are loads.

[Joinedjustforthispost]

I bet you are the type of partner who gets offended when your dh masterbates because he should only be having sex with you so you can orgasm. Yabu and controlling

[Aprilx]

If you can have a toy, I honestly don’t know why or how you can object to him having one. I don’t understand your comment about your daughters or what they have to do with this.

[Regularsizedrudy]

Why are you even thinking about the clean up? It’s not like you’ll be doing it.

[Flugbusters4444]

My friends and I were discussing this recently actually!

The knee jerk is to feel grossed out by a man masturbating with a fake vagina, but then why is owning what is essentially a fake penis not seen as gross?

Vibrators, I guess thats a different thing and as you say, it's used by you both really.

But if you don't find dildos gross then it's unfair to find a fake vagina gross imho

[GreyEyedWitch]

You know you're being unreasonable.

[sammylady37]

YANU. he’s perfectly entitled to have a sex you.

And WTF have your daughters got to do with this issue??

[sammylady37]

^Gah! YABU

[sammylady37]

Double gah!

Entitled to have a sex toy

[MsHedgehog]

So so massively unreasonable. So you can have a sex toy that replicates male genitalia but he can’t have a sex toy that replicates female genitalia?

You do realise feminism is about equality...?

[Horst]

It does feel different doesn’t it. I mean we use toys but none are designed to look like a penis and we use them as a couple. A fake fanny or ass to pretend to actually have sex with feels different to something vibrating on or being clamped etc.

[MissConductUS]

Massively unreasonable. Use it with him and incorporate it into your foreplay.

Some men are really insecure about sex toys for women. It's not attractive.

[Tiktokersmiracle]

Oh OP
You are missing out

I bought DP and I some toys. Not a fleshlight but another male sex toy

It's bloody brilliant. I can get off when he has it.

Totally sorted out our sex life after years together and getting a bit samey

Best £30 I ever spent that

There's nothing wrong with men having sex toys. Rather that than an affair...

[Returnoftheowl]

So you're allowed a sex toy but he isn't?

[DixonD]

You most certainly are being very unreasonable. Why can’t he have solo fun?

[H2OConnoisseur]

I don't think it's fair that you're 'allowed' a sex toy and he isn't.