To not want DH to have a sex toy when I have one?

(151 Posts)
Confrontayshunme Fri 14-May-21 16:18:58

DH recently bought me a new sex toy, which I appreciate. He mentioned in passing that he would like one and said the company emailed him an ad with male sleeve/fleshlight type toys. I don't know why, but I really don't want him to have one of these. He and I were both a bit surprised, as I am a big fan of feminism and generally favour all things being equal.

I guess I think that we use "my" toy together so I can achieve orgasm, but his would be just for him (and he has hands for that). Also, the cleanup for them seems...gross.

I wouldn't mind terribly if my DDs were teenage/adult women and knew I had toys, but I definitely don't feel the same about a silicone vagina/ass. Boak.

AIBU?

OP’s posts: |
luciles Fri 14-May-21 16:22:22

I don't think you're being entirely unreasonable. Did you tell him you don't want him to have it? What did he say if so? A lot of people would see it as unfair. I think fleshlights are gross in general so I might be biased.

TheDiddlyGang Fri 14-May-21 16:25:18

Incredibly unreasonable.

pandarific Fri 14-May-21 16:25:58

I think you’re being silly. You know you’re allowed to use your toy yourself? You know you’re allowed to orgasm yourself, whenever you like? The poor guy just fancies a go with a toy, I’m a bit hmm at your ‘he has a hand for that’, it’s somewhat controlling and borderline shaming language.

It’s just a toy, and theyre just orgasms op. Chill.

MishMashMummy Fri 14-May-21 16:27:05

YABU. Toys are for everyone! And no reason why you can’t get involved too, even if it is a fleshlight.

TimeForTeaAndG Fri 14-May-21 16:27:34

His toy, cleanup is his responsibility.

HollowTalk Fri 14-May-21 16:27:40

Oh god, I couldn't be interested in a man who bought one of them.

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UndeadSlut Fri 14-May-21 16:28:01

I would feel the same as you, for the same reasons!

I think also the male orgasm is a different beast to a female one. For a man, once he's ejaculated he's "done", so if he used the toy for that then that's the end of it. When DP and I use toys together on me they're like a warm up, I have a few orgasms or at least one from that and then we are both ready for PIV.
Also, I don't have any phallic toys, ones supposed to look or feel like a penis. If DP had a thing that was "like a vagina" to play with I'd probably feel a bit weird about it.

Very anti-feminist of me of course but that's the way it is! Thankfully DP doesn't seem interested, I honestly don't know how I'd feel or what I'd do if he was!

RickiTarr Fri 14-May-21 16:28:17

the company emailed him an ad with male sleeve/fleshlight type toys. I don't know why, but I really don't want him to have one of these. He and I were both a bit surprised, as I am a big fan of feminism

Aye right. 🙄

NuffSaidSam Fri 14-May-21 16:30:05

I think YABU. And you I think you know you are really.

I wouldn't get involved with the clean up though, that's for him to worry about!

AnUnoriginalUsername Fri 14-May-21 16:30:44

We both have toys, and we used them both together. It doesn't have to look like a vagina there are loads.

Joinedjustforthispost Fri 14-May-21 16:31:33

I bet you are the type of partner who gets offended when your dh masterbates because he should only be having sex with you so you can orgasm. Yabu and controlling

Aprilx Fri 14-May-21 16:31:44

If you can have a toy, I honestly don’t know why or how you can object to him having one. I don’t understand your comment about your daughters or what they have to do with this.

Regularsizedrudy Fri 14-May-21 16:33:20

Why are you even thinking about the clean up? It’s not like you’ll be doing it.

Flugbusters4444 Fri 14-May-21 16:33:21

My friends and I were discussing this recently actually!

The knee jerk is to feel grossed out by a man masturbating with a fake vagina, but then why is owning what is essentially a fake penis not seen as gross?

Vibrators, I guess thats a different thing and as you say, it's used by you both really.

But if you don't find dildos gross then it's unfair to find a fake vagina gross imho

GreyEyedWitch Fri 14-May-21 16:35:26

You know you're being unreasonable.

sammylady37 Fri 14-May-21 16:38:51

YANU. he’s perfectly entitled to have a sex you.

And WTF have your daughters got to do with this issue??

sammylady37 Fri 14-May-21 16:39:07

^Gah! YABU

sammylady37 Fri 14-May-21 16:39:35

Double gah!

Entitled to have a sex toy

MsHedgehog Fri 14-May-21 16:41:39

So so massively unreasonable. So you can have a sex toy that replicates male genitalia but he can’t have a sex toy that replicates female genitalia?

You do realise feminism is about equality...?

Horst Fri 14-May-21 16:44:02

It does feel different doesn’t it. I mean we use toys but none are designed to look like a penis and we use them as a couple. A fake fanny or ass to pretend to actually have sex with feels different to something vibrating on or being clamped etc.

MissConductUS Fri 14-May-21 16:45:43

Massively unreasonable. Use it with him and incorporate it into your foreplay.

Some men are really insecure about sex toys for women. It's not attractive.

Tiktokersmiracle Fri 14-May-21 16:46:23

Oh OP
You are missing out

I bought DP and I some toys. Not a fleshlight but another male sex toy

It's bloody brilliant. I can get off when he has it.

Totally sorted out our sex life after years together and getting a bit samey

Best £30 I ever spent that grin

There's nothing wrong with men having sex toys. Rather that than an affair...

Returnoftheowl Fri 14-May-21 16:46:37

So you're allowed a sex toy but he isn't?

DixonD Fri 14-May-21 16:47:18

You most certainly are being very unreasonable. Why can’t he have solo fun?

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