To have been angry about what my child’s father said

(161 Posts)
SugarbabyMilly Wed 12-May-21 10:20:01

Trigger warning - disability discrimination.

My ex wanted to take our 16 month old daughter to ‘Tiny Talk’ which is a baby communication group that I pay for her to go to because it’s the only thing open here atm.

When he finished the session and brought her out to me he said that he had noticed that some of the children in the group had Downs Syndrome and he seemed to be implying that our daughter shouldn’t go to the group because she doesn’t have it.

This really upset me. I think it’s irrelevant. And I don’t want his bigotry to rub off on our daughter. It never even crossed my mind when I took her.

So I told him to please think about the prejudiced remarks that come out of his mouth because otherwise he will upset a lot of people and dd will also pick it up.

His response was to say that I took his remarks out of context and that I’m manipulative and twist his words.

I don’t think so - I don’t think it’s something he should have even mentioned. AIBU?

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SugarbabyMilly Wed 12-May-21 10:21:09

By the way, we are separated (thank god).

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StreetLightsHoney Wed 12-May-21 10:22:48

YABU. It sounds like he just mentioned a fact - that there were Downs Syndrome children there - and you took it the wrong way with your implications because you have previous bad history with him.

AlmostSummer21 Wed 12-May-21 10:23:06

Depending on his tone & general attitude I would have taken it to mean she's using a space that a child with DS could better use.

It I'm not familiar with 'tiny talk' so not sure if it's aimed for anyone or children with needs?!

MontysRoseGarden Wed 12-May-21 10:23:22

It sounds like you twisted his words here too.....’he seemed to be implying our daughter shouldn’t go to the group because she doesn’t have it’

Maybe he thought it was special needs only?

Then you say it’s bigotry?

AlmostSummer21 Wed 12-May-21 10:23:35

SugarbabyMilly

By the way, we are separated (thank god).

Yeah, the clue was in EX! 🤣

SugarbabyMilly Wed 12-May-21 10:24:03

He definitely wasn't thinking about the children with disabilities that could 'better use the space'

It's a group for everyone.

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toocoldforsno Wed 12-May-21 10:24:05

he had noticed that some of the children in the group had Downs Syndrome and he seemed to be implying that our daughter shouldn’t go to the group because she doesn’t have it

What did he actually SAY though?

SugarbabyMilly Wed 12-May-21 10:26:00

Ok, here's what he actually said

Him 'Why do some of the children at the group have downs syndrome'

Me : 'why would it be a problem if they do?'

Him : 'Well she doesn't. Can't she go to a group for kids like her?'

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SingingSands Wed 12-May-21 10:27:31

Was he just commenting on what he observed? You might have taken his comment the wrong way.

SingingSands Wed 12-May-21 10:28:26

Oh well that was a massive drip feed wasn't it?

SugarbabyMilly Wed 12-May-21 10:29:13

No it wasn't a drip feed - I said what he was implying in the OP.

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MontysRoseGarden Wed 12-May-21 10:29:32

Can’t be arsed with goady drip feeding threads

bananamonkey Wed 12-May-21 10:30:35

Tiny Talk is just a franchise of baby signing, it’s for everyone.

YouLikeTheBadOnesToo Wed 12-May-21 10:30:59

SugarbabyMilly

Ok, here's what he actually said

Him 'Why do some of the children at the group have downs syndrome'

Me : 'why would it be a problem if they do?'

Him : 'Well she doesn't. Can't she go to a group for kids like her?'

So he didn’t ‘imply’ that she shouldn’t go as you originally posted, he out and out said it?

You’ve told him that you find his attitude unacceptable. Next time he asks to take your daughter to the group, refuse.

MontysRoseGarden Wed 12-May-21 10:31:38

No you just Dave YOUR version of what he said, your opinion

2 sides and all that!!

Pumperthepumper Wed 12-May-21 10:32:30

He’s a dick. I’d be really concerned that’s the attitude he’ll normalise around your daughter.

SugarbabyMilly Wed 12-May-21 10:33:19

@MontysRoseGarden I'm awfully sorry.

I didn't realise that I need to qualify the OP with a word for word conversation. I said what he implied in the OP hmm and you didn't believe me.

It's not goady at all. I am genuinely concerned about his attitude and whether it will rub off. In our household 3/5 of us (at least) are autistic.

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RightOnTheEdge Wed 12-May-21 10:33:23

Well you were a bit vague in your OP he didn't imply it he straight out said it.
It was a massive drop feed but if that's what he said then obviously YANBU and he's a dick.

SugarbabyMilly Wed 12-May-21 10:34:39

I'm sorry if my OP wasn't clear. I am autistic myself so I sometimes probably don't make things clear enough.

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MontysRoseGarden Wed 12-May-21 10:39:04

It’s Aibu.... typical response

rosiedeus Wed 12-May-21 10:42:06

YANBU
I have two sons with special needs, and I hate when parents don't want their NT children to mix with mine.

SugarbabyMilly Wed 12-May-21 10:43:16

@MontysRoseGarden yes but that’s not an excuse to be nasty and accuse me of starting the thread to be goady.

It made me depressed. I don’t know how to address it because he flies off the handle.

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SingingSands Wed 12-May-21 10:43:16

Well, following the update, to answer your question id like to say you are right OP. It's not a nice attitude at all. Mixing with children of all abilities will only be good for your DD and good for all children. And yes, your ex is being twatty by suggesting your DD doesn't attend this group.

It's so hard for children with any sort of disability, however slight, to be accepted into children's activity groups and friendship groups, so you carry on taking DD and enjoying the fun, your ex can sit at hime and think about changing his attitude!

PegPeople Wed 12-May-21 10:44:02

If that's what he said word for word why on earth would you need to ask if he's being unreasonable? You already know he is.

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