Perhaps not AIBU, but posting for traffic so be gentle please!
My DS is now three months old and was born at 39 weeks by section after a difficult birth first time around. His sister was born at 42+2 by EMCS after a long induction. My son has reflux and a clear diastasis - he has had feeding issues.
Since he was born, I have realised that I simply got him out too early. I had hot flushes I didn't have first time round, he had an outie belly button and tiny scrawny little legs with a relatively much bigger head, he had feeding issues. I am wracked with guilt for getting him out early for my own convenience rather than his (partly, due to my experience first time round where the midwives and junior doctors ignored me and pushed vaginal birth until very late on I just didn't believe that if I went into Labour early the doctors would honour the section but also due to Covid and childcare issues 39 weeks was easier than 40). My pre section consultation with a junior doctor was all about mode of delivery and the doctor was respectful but clearly would have preferred me to try a VBAC and her suggestion that I leave him in to 40 weeks to give me a chance of that persuaded me to stick to my guns for a 39 week section. If anyone had suggested him staying in earlier FOR HIM but definitely having a section regardless I really would have done.
He was 8lb 13 at birth, so I was right that he was a decent weight, but I now realise that it's not just about weight. He struggles a lot more than my DD did and we have both had a difficult start as a result. He has dropped centiles. It has been a lot harder managing two kids than it might have been.
I know that I am lucky to have a broadly healthy baby and that other babies are born properly premature, but I can't stop thinking that he was probably born 2-3 weeks early based on how long I carry a baby to term for. I am kicking myself for not doing more research.
Is there anyone else out there who has had an undercooked baby and felt like this? Will it all come good in the end?
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AIBU?
To want assurance that it will come good for my baby in the end?
70 replies
guiltguiltguilt · 10/05/2021 08:38
OP posts:
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