To not say anything, pack our stuff and just go to my Mums

(177 Posts)
BreadCrumbsAndSalad Sun 09-May-21 17:17:23

Because DH is being a total twat this evening.

He's been doing work on the house this weekend and is stressed with it but, as is usual for him, he takes that stress out on me.

Has a go at me for not helping enough (we have a very young baby) but then when I get baby to sleep and ask what I can do he yells at me because I 'wouldnt be able to do it anyway'. Slams doors, shouts about the house in general etc etc... I asked him nicely to calm down, he tells me to 'stop fucking telling him to calm down'.

AIBU to just quietly pack our stuff (me and baby) and just leave. I hate confrontation although I do tell him not to talk to me like that. He just gets so mad when he's stressed that you can't have a sensible conversation with him.

He's just nipped to the shop to get something he needs and I'm thinking of just not being here when he gets home.

OP’s posts: |
MatildaTheCat Sun 09-May-21 17:18:24

Go.

DaphneDuBois Sun 09-May-21 17:18:33

Yes. Might give him a the sharp kick up the arse he needs. He can’t kept acting like this and expecting you to tolerate it.

MyCatIsADentist Sun 09-May-21 17:20:07

Yes, go. You aren’t obliged to be his punching bag, and it might be the wake up call he needs to stop being such an arsehole.

AdoraBell Sun 09-May-21 17:20:17

YY, go.

Thunderdonkey Sun 09-May-21 17:20:47

I think going somewhere else for a bit is very sensible.

BreadCrumbsAndSalad Sun 09-May-21 17:20:51

It's like he sets me up on purpose to fail. He told me to go and get a part be needed, some name that I'd never heard of for a bit of piping and then when I ask what it is/looks like it's all 'see what's the fucking point of saying you'll help, have to do everything myself blah blah blah'.

OP’s posts: |

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FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop Sun 09-May-21 17:21:26

Go. It's safer for you to leave when he's not around.

Tell us when you're at your mum's OP.

Your husband sounds like a toddler or a man

Hellocatshome Sun 09-May-21 17:21:42

Yes go, leave a note saying where you have gone.

thepeopleversuswork Sun 09-May-21 17:22:31

Go. And don't come back. Life is too short to tolerate behaviour like this. It won't get better.

You are lucky in that your baby is young enough that he/she won't you remember you living together. Go to your mum's, tell her what's going on, ask for help. Start making plans.

What's your financial situation like? Do you work? Can you support yourself in the short term while you divorce?

BreadCrumbsAndSalad Sun 09-May-21 17:22:35

Hellocatshome

Yes go, leave a note saying where you have gone.

Part of me feels like not even doing this. Just leave and put my phone on silent and let him fucking wonder where we've gone (he'll guess my mum's anyway I'm sure).

OP’s posts: |
Coldwine75 Sun 09-May-21 17:22:55

Firstly is he normally like this? Do feel abused? How old is the baby as its difficult in the early weeks, I cant say if you should go as depends if this is just new parents being stressed and tired or something more?

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop Sun 09-May-21 17:23:05

BreadCrumbsAndSalad

It's like he sets me up on purpose to fail. He told me to go and get a part be needed, some name that I'd never heard of for a bit of piping and then when I ask what it is/looks like it's all 'see what's the fucking point of saying you'll help, have to do everything myself blah blah blah'.


Does he expect you to be psychic?!

This is actually a very subtle form of emotional abuse OP. Belittling you and bringing you down. If it doesn't stop in a few years you'll be miserable and your self esteem will have been systemically crushed. Trust me, I've got the t-shirt

SnarkyBag Sun 09-May-21 17:23:20

Yes do it. Hopefully it will give him time to give his head a wobble. This kind of disrespectful shit will last a lifetime if you don’t make a stand

MintMatchmaker Sun 09-May-21 17:24:09

Go. Definitely go.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop Sun 09-May-21 17:24:10

Leave a note though or send a text - he might panic and call the police, or charge down to your mum's and you don't need the drama of that. I understand the temptation to frighten him though

Etinox Sun 09-May-21 17:25:35

Go. But leave a note, it’s not fair on your mum to bring her into the drama. No need to lie to her just say he’s crashing about DIYing and you’re giving him space.
flowers

BreadCrumbsAndSalad Sun 09-May-21 17:25:45

Coldwine75

Firstly is he normally like this? Do feel abused? How old is the baby as its difficult in the early weeks, I cant say if you should go as depends if this is just new parents being stressed and tired or something more?

He is like this when he's stressed. Which isn't often but it is every time he's stressed whether that's with something in life in general or work etc etc...

I don't feel abused, I'm not scared of him and I don't think he'd ever hurt me physically. I just think he doesn't know how else to let it out when he's annoyed and so he just gives me a load of shit.

Baby is 4 months. He's at work all week though and I do all the nighttimes and he sleeps through now anyway so I don't feel he's particularly hard work at the moment.

OP’s posts: |
DogsSausages Sun 09-May-21 17:26:04

I would go. Get away from him for a while and let him stomp about. He will only shout and moan at you. Take an overnight bag and have a quiet evening with your mum.

AntiSocialDistancer Sun 09-May-21 17:26:19

Leave but please leave him a message.

Trixie78 Sun 09-May-21 17:28:22

Follow your gut feelings hon, if they're saying leave then do it. You have that little voice for a reason xx

Countrygirl2021 Sun 09-May-21 17:31:56

Please don't run off with his child.

Do go out for a nice walk / your mum's garden for the afternoon and tell him you are having some space then calmly discuss later how upset you were.

Soubriquet Sun 09-May-21 17:35:08

his child?!

Isn’t he a child of them both? He obviously isn’t in the right mind space to care for his son right now so the OP is taking him somewhere safer

Ijustreallywantacat Sun 09-May-21 17:36:16

Adding to the 'go off chorus - please leave a note though. You don't want him barging round your mums or ringing her and causing upset. Give him time to reflect.

Aprilwasverywet Sun 09-May-21 17:39:29

Save your ds from hearing you being a verbal punchbag...
He isn't thinking about either you or the baby. So you must.

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