To ask honestly if you feel sorry for these women?

(370 Posts)
LemonSherbetFancies Sun 09-May-21 12:50:27

Who are approaching 40 and single with no kids?
I know a few in this situation and they always say they feel judged and inferior to women of that age who do.
Personally, I do not feel sorry for them if they do not have kids as they are not for everyone. But I do feel for women who don't have a supportive and loving relationship. Now, I am not saying women need a man to be happy but I know from myself how much nicer my life is with DP in it.

OP’s posts: |
Hopdathelf Sun 09-May-21 12:52:09


Sosigsandwich Sun 09-May-21 12:53:18

Only if I knew them and knew it wasn't what they wanted.

MagnoliaBeige Sun 09-May-21 12:53:32

No I don’t because I don’t assume that everyone necessarily wants a relationship or children and also don’t believe you need to have one or both to be happy.

thedevilinablackdress Sun 09-May-21 12:53:50

Eh? These women??
If a friend expressed a wish that her circumstances were different regarding partner/children I would be sympathetic. But no, I don't generically feel sorry for those poor spinsters. Odd OP.

Royalbloo Sun 09-May-21 12:55:24

How about don't decide anything for anyone else? Some people want kids, some don't. Some want a relationship, some don't. Why are we "feeling sorry for" anyone?

Deadringer Sun 09-May-21 12:55:35

No, i envy them at times, but i don't feel sorry for them.


Wizzbangfizz Sun 09-May-21 12:55:44

I envy them their freedom!

LemonSherbetFancies Sun 09-May-21 12:56:11

I am referring to the women in my life. Some ex colleagues, some family.
Many feel that they are looked down upon, pitied or seen as spinsters. Generally I get the same view as well as in my social circle, people do seem to feel sorry for women approaching 40 who do not have this in their lives. Yet on Mumsnet it seems to be a different story.

OP’s posts: |
KFleming Sun 09-May-21 12:56:15

I would have sympathy for a friend if I knew that they weren’t happy with aspects of their life, eg if they want kids but don’t have them.
I don’t automatically feel sorry for someone in that situation.

Coldwine75 Sun 09-May-21 12:56:29

Envy id say, at times !

minou123 Sun 09-May-21 12:56:30

Save your pity for those who need it.

As a 39 year old, single, child free woman, I'm having a great time.
Own my own house, see who I want to see, spend my money however I want.
Life is good, thanks for asking wine

Onlyherefortheconspiracies Sun 09-May-21 12:56:55

No because I am one. It's a choice and it's great. My life is mine to enjoy as I please.

OwlinaTree Sun 09-May-21 12:57:00

I have a couple of friends who I know would have liked to have had children and haven't had the opportunity due to being single. I think saying I feel 'sorry' for them sounds a bit smug, but I do feel it's a shame they haven't managed to do something they wanted to do.

ClarkeGriffin Sun 09-May-21 12:57:13

No, if they are happy, why should I think they should have children and a partner? confused

To be honest, I wish more people would reconsider having children. Some really aren't fit to be parents.

vampirethriller Sun 09-May-21 12:58:04

No. I'm nearly 40, single mother, no partner. I've never been happier.

romdowa Sun 09-May-21 12:58:23

If I knew that they have had fertility issues or it had just never happened for them and they had wanted children then I would feel for them but if they didn't want kids or weren't upset about how things went then I'd be happy that they were happy. A family and a mortgage isn't for everyone.

minou123 Sun 09-May-21 12:58:26

High five Onlyherefortheconspiracies

Sleepplease1111 Sun 09-May-21 12:58:28

hmm no I wouldn’t ‘feel sorry’ for them neither of those things are terrible life circumstances.

OwlinaTree Sun 09-May-21 12:58:39

I wouldn't feel that way automatically about any single woman!

Chailatteplease Sun 09-May-21 12:58:44

I wouldn’t feel sorry for them unless they were upset about it themselves.
People want different things from life 🤷🏼‍♀️

WorraLiberty Sun 09-May-21 12:58:47

Blimey OP. Are you trying to kick off WW3? 😂😂

Royalbloo Sun 09-May-21 12:59:26

I'm a single parent with no partner and I guarantee no one who knows me feels sorry for me - I have a great life thanks!

MadeOfStarStuff Sun 09-May-21 12:59:57

YABU for assuming everyone wants the same things in life that you do

Of course I would have sympathy for someone if they were in a situation that wasn’t what they wanted in life. But I wouldn’t have blanket pity for anyone who doesn’t have a stereotypically “picture perfect” life.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss Sun 09-May-21 13:00:20

No, many people are very happy single.

Some jump in because they purely don’t want to be single, not exactly the ideal basis for a stable relationship.

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