...to not want to go on holiday to South of France to celebrate MIL 60th with newborn and 2 year old?(73 Posts)
I am currently 13 weeks pg with my second child and already have an 18 mo DS. Some months ago all of DH's family started planning a family holiday to celebrate MIL's 60th birthday. The plans were to rent a shared house somewhere in the south of france for a week. Provisionally everyone agreed to go 1st week of July next year, however since then I am pg and the baby will be born end of May.
I am really struggling to muster any sort of enthusiasm at all for this holiday. I have weakly raised a couple of potential red flags but even though DH is very supportive, I don't think my concerns are being factored in at all. I am mainly worried about having the baby late, or having a c-section and in either scenario not having time to recover before getting on a plane. The logistics of it all fills with me horror as well - the amount of kit we will need for a toddler etc, and DH's family are not used to children (DS only grandchild) and I can expect very little practical help. The heat, lack of sleep and lack of privacy (trying to get going with BF for eg) with a newborn are also playing on my mind.
Quite frankly when I look back to when DS was born and the subsequent weeks after his birth I think all I mainly wanted to be was at home, but he was a difficult baby who wanted to feed all the time and did not sleep much.
So am I being unreasonable? Should I just go along with the plans and grin and bear it, in the belief that second babies are easier? Or do I try to negotiate going later in the year? Or not at all? SIL even asked DH if he would go on his own!!! (no way would he and told her so). Just need to find a solution that doesn't p*ss them all off (I know they all think we don't see them enough as it is) and that I am 100% happy with as well...probably impossible! Any ideas?
Oh and just one more thing to add! I gave up work in Aug to be a SAHM for a while, so financially we are on one salary with a another baby on the way for the next couple of years. Holidays in the south of france I am sure do not come cheap - when I was earning good money this would have been far easier to justify but we have to be much more thrifty now
You are not being unreasonable at all, you should say how you feel.
I wouldn't even contemplate it, don't think we went anywhere for a couple of months, and even then it was only a couple of hours in the car...
You'll worry about it, which is not good for the baby or you... put the family straight - it's just not possible!
I don't think you are being unreasonable at all!
If your in laws were helpful and supportive I would suggest you go, simply because you might get some rest, but as they aren't then the last thing you need is to be away from home druing the first few weeks of your babies life. I know how difficult it is, I have 2 little boys born 2 yrs (to the day) apart. You need to have a nice quiet time at home, relaxing and enjoying your newborn and 2 yr old.
Also as you say, if you had a CS you wouldn't be up to travelling anyway! Can you suggest to DH that he tells his family you will not make any definate plans atm and will decide if you will go once the baby is born?
Personally, I wouldn't go. (Think you'll have the same age gap as I have between my ds's - ds1 2.6yrs and ds2 7mths)
But as a compromise, how about arranging a weekend away for later in the year for you, dh, pil and your los? That way you'll have more time to get in the swing of things with having 2, and you can always say to your mil that she's got something extra to look forward to?
Or could they change the date to say early/late August? They can't think you are unreasonable to not want to travel with children so young!
No YANBU - not at all. IMO 2nd babies are sort of easier in that the whole thing isn't such a shock but in other ways it is tougher as you have to ensure that DC1 isn't neglected. Very hard when constantly BF!! Your DC2 will not be in any kind of routine by that point (unless you get Fraulein Claire Verity in!) and you'll be wanting to settle both DCs, yourself and DH into expanded family life. I wouldn't consider going for a moment. You and DH need to have a serious talk - take him back to memories of the 1st few months of parenthood if he needs to get real! Deffo not a cheap holiday either, although that isn't the main issue I guess. BTW - I went 2 weeks overdue so don't let anyone dismiss your concerns about that either - or indeed C section as you mentioned. The ILs should all jolly well enjoy themselves and bring you back lots of luvverly wine! Good luck.
i wouldn't dream of doing it now with 19mo and a nearly 3 yo....let alone when both were in prams, both still being babies really, and if you go over you'll still be in the worst bit of cracked nipples and getting a routine for breastfeeding- there's no way i would have EVER done it!!! i would be setting everyone straight. if DH went would one of your family members be able to come and stay at home with you? then DH cant hold it against you that he missed the bash for his mums 60th......
I know there are some gung ho types who think nothing of strapping newborns into the car and heading off into the sunset but personally no way!
I thought we were terribly brave to stay at my parents, 2 hours drive away, with one new born. It was a military operation just doing that let alone travelling abroad with a toddler too. Would let them know early though rather than burying your head in the sand and letting them plan on. Good luck.
Also its quite time consuming getting passports for tiny babies, can take a while and you will need a photo so that may be a good "reason" not to go?
Good point about the passport. That would've been the last thing on my mind when ds2 was born.
Crikey yes, thats just reminded me of when we had DS2. We went to inlaws (3 and a half hours away at the time) for Christmas when DS2 was just 6 days old! DS1 was nearly 9 so not as bad as the 2 yr gap, but it was hard work especially as I couldn't BF in front of DFIL so was constantly out of the room and on Boxing day came down with the most awful sickness bug and they kept taking DS away into the smokey log fire filled lounge!
It was a total nightmare!
Needless to say, we made them come to us the christmas DS3 was born. Sooo much nicer!
I wouldn't go. It could be complete nightmare at worst and blardy hard work at best. Stay at home
Chances of getting a passport for the new baby in time would be pretty slim i would have thought.
You have a cast iron excuse reason, it'll be incredibly difficult to get a passport in a month, especially as for a first passport you need all sorts of extra ID and verification.
I'd do something special closer to home with them. There is no way that I could have sat down for that long after DD's difficult birth! And that's not counting the constant BFing, no routine etc etc. I thought that I was really good to go and visit DH's family in the UK, especially as I would disappear upstairs at 7pm to feed DD, and wouldn't come down until morning (combination of cluster feeding and refusing to sleep in a new environment). Oh, and another thing, how far would this villa be from medical care?
Long ramble, in short YANBU.
YANBU. Just say you can't go.
You'll have just had a baby and really need to think of your needs, the baby's needs and your toddler's needs. Your toddler will have enough upheaval to deal with by having a new sibling.
Whatever happened to having a lovely meal with the family on birthdays? I would never expect such upheaval for my birthday! I get annoyed when other people expect me to go on a trip for their birthdays.
If DH's family object, then they are extremely unreasonable.
I'm expecting my first child in March next year, and there's no way I'd even onsider going away with 1 baby, let alone with a toddler aswell! I think its a bit unfair that they haven't considered the fact it will be difficult for you.
The point about the passport is a good one - if the baby was late thenyou may end up only having 3 or 4 weeks to get one, and if you're flying some airlines won't accept infants below a certain age. And as you said, if you did need a CS, you're not likely to feel like or even be able to travel that soon after.
I would definitely air my concerns and stay home.Offer to go out for a meal or a short weekend close to home with them to celebrate when they come back.
Oh and jsut to add to mine, isn't it stressful enough getting some newborns into a routine (feeding/sleeping etc) as it is, without dragging them off to a foreign country in the middle of it all?
I agree with Winky, if they object, they're extremely unreasonable.
Lawks yes - took me 5 bluddy attempts and at least 3 months to get DD1s 1st passport as the photos kept getting rejected. They should effing well have a go at getting a newborn to open eyes, look at camera and not scream hysterically whilst laying on a white sheet [Sparkletastic feels blood pressure rising so hastens to the kitchen for glass of something grape]
Its a good point about the passport. Very unlikey that will happen. You will have to get baby registered, get a photo etc before you can even send off the application.
Also I am sure its not recommended for very young babies to fly.
Also you have your other child to think of, its going to be a huge upheaval for him having a new sibling.
I personally wouldnt think of going anywhere until you your other child and the new baby are settled.
If this doesnt fit in with your in laws thats a shame yoiur priority will be to your dc.
YANBU. No way would I go in your position.
It looks like it is for a week and so the only compromise that I can think of to keep ILs happy is for your DH to go alone just for a weeekend/couple of days, on the proviso that you can get your mum/family/friend to come and stay with you at your house for the couple of days your DH would be away. Is that an option? Personally, I'd let my DH go the whole week alone as he is a bit useless around the house , but I can understand if your DH is helpful, it will be more difficult without him.
Can you say 'I think we had better go for the worst case scenario of late baby/section etc and not count on me to be there'
That way your non-attendance is put in their minds much earlier and you don't have to start making excuses after baby is born.
Then, if you have an early, contented, baby and feel like a holiday you can go, but it will be your choice.
Mind you I am sure that babies under a certain age are not supposed to fly - something about their ears. I'm sure someone will be along to google it in a minute!
Suggest they put it off until September.
-- cheaper (as none of the others have children I assume going in school time isn't an issue)
-- your family life will have settled down a bit
-- allows time to get passport, etc.
-- doesn't sound as though you are being awkward, but constructive.
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