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AIBU?

To ask the nanny not to have hot drinks whilst looking after the children?

296 replies

namechangedasouting · 03/05/2021 20:14

We have a new part time nanny, currently settling in with out just 2 year old and 5 month old. I'm not back to the office for a couple of months but am WFH part time (hopefully, I will soon be able to be WFH on the nanny days, but currently I'm around to help most of the time whilst she's here).

We're on week 3 now, and there a few things which are making me a bit uncomfortable. She is drinking a lot of tea/coffee (at least 10 cups a day) which in itself is fine, but she leaves them accessible to my toddler. They are piping hot (freshly boiled water), not left to cool before being brought into reach. More than once I've had to pull DS away from the table they are at and ask her to move the mug. She is finding time to sit with the drinks instead of making an effort to interact with DS. He is pretty unsettled (new nanny but also other stuff happening as well) so is understandably a bit clingy, but I do feel that if she got down on the floor and started playing he would join her.

How should I approach this? Would IBU to ask her not to have hot drinks at all whilst she is around the toddler and baby? I'm not a tea/coffee drinker so may be underestimating how big an ask this is. I feel like I need to address the safety issue urgently, but also the decision to sit with feet up and a hot drink rather than interacting with the kids (again, if it were a couple of times a day it would be different, but it's at least once an hour).

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

1761 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
37%
You are NOT being unreasonable
63%
osbertthesyrianhamster · 03/05/2021 20:17

At only 3 weeks? I'd get rid, she's not passed probation.

UrsulaTee · 03/05/2021 20:17

Honestly, I would be looking for a new nanny. Not leaving hot drinks around young children is pretty basic and something anyone with half a brain should know

Thingsthatgo · 03/05/2021 20:17

Maybe suggests she uses a travel mug for her hot drinks. That is what I did when my children were little. It was safer because they don’t spill, and they stay hot for a long time, so I could drink them when I had a spare second, rather than settling down for the whole cup.

4PawsGood · 03/05/2021 20:17

Leaving them in reach and ignoring your child for 10x5-10 minutes seems the actual problem. If she can’t work out that these are a problem then I think she’s not fit to look after children. Maybe a few breaks could be ok while a child is busy playing on their own, but leaving hot drink accessible really isn’t.

hauntedvagina · 03/05/2021 20:18

No hot drinks around children and babies is basic childcare 101. I'd be seriously questioning her credentials and what other risks she's prepared to take.

Karwomannghia · 03/05/2021 20:18

She doesn’t sound great but don’t know the whole picture. Is there a designated high up shelf or something where she could have to put drinks?

Love51 · 03/05/2021 20:20

A travel cup seems to be an easier solution. It depends if you otherwise trust her.

SnuggyBuggy · 03/05/2021 20:20

Any idiot would know not to leave a hot drink near a toddler. I wouldn't be happy with this.

NutellaEllaElla · 03/05/2021 20:20

If she's not attending enough to your child and leaving hazards in harm's way then just fail her probation. Banning cups of tea isn't the right answer.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 03/05/2021 20:20

She's PT and drinking at least 10 cups per shift? C'mon, that's pisstaking shit that would get you the sack at just about any job. You're not paid to sit drinking tea in that job.

user1493494961 · 03/05/2021 20:21

I'd find someone else, she doesn't sound very experienced around young children.

Sparklingbrook · 03/05/2021 20:22

@osbertthesyrianhamster

She's PT and drinking at least 10 cups per shift? C'mon, that's pisstaking shit that would get you the sack at just about any job. You're not paid to sit drinking tea in that job.

I agree. 10 cuppas? And this is while you are there. Get rid of her.
SnarkyBag · 03/05/2021 20:23

No one need 10 cups of coffee in a working day (and I’m a prolific coffee drinker). If she’s sitting down to drink them every time and not interacting that’s potentially over an hour and half a day for coffee breaks

I’d give her notice.

underneaththeash · 03/05/2021 20:23

So she's putting them at risk and not engaging with them!

RedcurrantPuff · 03/05/2021 20:23

@osbertthesyrianhamster

She's PT and drinking at least 10 cups per shift? C'mon, that's pisstaking shit that would get you the sack at just about any job. You're not paid to sit drinking tea in that job.

This

Bin her off OP, she sounds shit.
NoSquirrels · 03/05/2021 20:25

I think hot drinks and your feet up ignoring the children you’re paid to interact with - and in the boss’s sight - is the sign of a shit nanny, tbh.

But also, being around so much whilst “settling in” a nanny is a very hard dynamic - are you taking over/not drawing back?The children will keep looking to you whilst you’re available and it’s been 3 weeks so you should be transitioning by now. WFH with a nanny in the house is going to be tough and you need some who will shoo you away confidently!

I’d look for a new nanny and be very clear in your mind about boundaries and how this will work for everyone.

namechangedasouting · 03/05/2021 20:25

I'm glad I'm not totally overreacting. I'm sure it's not been the easiest start for her as DS has been quite difficult - having spent half his life in lockdown with me and DH, he's not adjusting very well to having someone else in the house. And DD is still EBF and also has spent her whole life as a velcro baby with me, so there's not a lot she can do there either. But I had been hoping for some help from the nanny in how to settle them in (she came with loads of experience and great references, so I'm worried it may just be me!)

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 03/05/2021 20:25

It would be unreasonable to demand she doesn't have any hot drinks. Just say they need to be in a travel cup.
You are not unreasonable to raise any concerns about the quality of her engagement with the children.

feltpens25 · 03/05/2021 20:26

I’m a nanny and I never drink hot drinks at work (I sometimes would at playgroups but they were very tepid). Partly because I don’t have time and partly because of the risk of scalding. I would never have time to drink ten cups during a part time shift!! Ten cups is a crazy amount anyway, is she not constantly in the loo??

Purpleweeks · 03/05/2021 20:26

I think asking her not to have hot drinks, isn't going to solve the main issue which is that she doesn't see the issue with having hot drinks within easy reach of a toddler and lack of interaction with the toddler is also a concern.

CutieBear · 03/05/2021 20:27

How many hours is she there per day to drink 10 hot drinks? She sounds incredibly careless. It’s common sense to keep hot drinks out of reach from young children.

Goblin74 · 03/05/2021 20:28

The first thing that sprung out to me is the 10 cups for a part time... that's an absolute joke. On top of that, she's ignoring your child and leaving her boiling mugs in reach... I'd get rid

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osbertthesyrianhamster · 03/05/2021 20:28

You're under reacting. C'mon, at least 10 cups in a PT shift and she's leaving them round the wee ones? I'd have told her not to come back. She's not the right fit for your kids.

Tuesdaysintheazores · 03/05/2021 20:30

I wouldn't keep her on OP it will only get worse

namechangedasouting · 03/05/2021 20:33

@nosquirrels cross posted with you- this was exactly my concern. Maybe I'm the one making it difficult. I do try to step away and I've had my mum over as well to get her started whilst I've gone out to try to give her a chance with DS (which apparently worked quite well). But the disregard for safety is making it difficult for me to feel comfortable leaving them alone with her - I do struggle with letting go and do recognise that this probably makes it harder for everyone involved.

For those asking, she does a 10.5 hour shift twice a week as this is what I will need on my office days when I'm back.

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