Aibu to be so cross about this?

(379 Posts)
Tiredandcross Sun 02-May-21 06:46:18

Have nc'd as outing but regular, long time poster....sistene screamer, penis beaker, Spanish gran etc

Had a huge row with dp last night. I do all...and I mean all....the housework we both work full time. I have not been happy for sometime and have made it very clear he needs to start helping but nothing going.

Three weeks ago I had day surgery. It was minor but can take months to recover. I had 2 weeks off work and spent the first week asleep on the sofa most of the day but was still expected to do dinner etc etc. Back to work last week and yesterday was totally exhausted.

I am menopausal, disturbed by the dogs the night before, and dp snoring. So was also not very friendly to anyone...not rude but not chatty.

He was really off with me during dinner. It was late as I was tired, and had not got my act together very well.

However we always eat at 9 because he likes to game with his mates until then. Last night he had a go as apparently I don't care and spend more time doing stuff for my kids as dinner is getting later and later.

I pointed out that I finish work at 5.30 and by the time I have walked the dogs and got the kids dinner it is 7pm. Then I like to speak to my parents every evening, they are in their 80's and I have seen them once in the last year as they are some distance from me. I also have laundry and housework to do and assist my dc with asd with personal care and school work. So yeah sometimes dinner is late.

He told me I don't care and when I started to get frustrated and upset apparently this meant I knew he was right. I told him no, I'm upset because he is wrong and wasn't letting me talk at which point he told me to stop raising my voice.

I was so upset. I pointed out that I had surgery 3 weeks ago and having been back at work last week am really tired. Not sleeping well either which doesn't help. I pointed out that when he gets in from work he games. I do everything else.

He wouldn't let me talk and I ended up shouting "what did your last servant die of" as I got so frustrated. I shouldn't have shouted but at that point I had had enough.

So now he is sulking as I don't care enough to feed him on time, I never feel like having sex (I'm exhausted and can't just switch it on!) , and shouted at him when he asked me not to (I did ask him at this point to write down how he would like me to behave in future so I don't forget)

I have woken up this morning really upset about the whole thing. Is that all he sees me as? A cook and someone to have sex with? Aibu to feel like this or was I wrong?

OP’s posts: |
1AngelicFruitCake Sun 02-May-21 06:48:53

If you asked him why don’t you cook? What would he say?
He sounds selfish!

DinosaurDiana Sun 02-May-21 06:51:41

I can’t see why you are still with him to be honest.

Soubriquet Sun 02-May-21 06:52:04

Christ he sounds awful

imsanehonest Sun 02-May-21 06:52:05

No you are not wrong and you were being extremely reserved in only shouting 'what did you last servant die of?' I would have told him bluntly he's a lazy, selfish sod (I'm being polite there).
You had surgery yet you were still expected to cook? He's narked because dinner is later - whilst he sits there gaming? Honestly - why is he there? He needs to go back to mummy and grow up.

LadyWithLapdog Sun 02-May-21 06:53:20

OMG. Rant away. Let him look after himself for the foreseeable. Then reestablish a more proportionate housework pattern.

Sparklfairy Sun 02-May-21 06:53:44

Is that all he sees me as? A cook and someone to have sex with?

That about sums it up.

He's unhappy about something? He tells you and has no problem expressing his feelings. When YOU express your feelings however, he tells you HOW to express them, then shuts you down, then sulks.

Very telling.

Shoxfordian Sun 02-May-21 06:54:49

He’s not looking after you when you’re sick, he does no housework, he’s not even nice to you. What are you getting out of this relationship? He sounds like a waste of space

Sexnotgender Sun 02-May-21 06:57:43

He sounds appalling. Why are you with him?

ivfgottwins Sun 02-May-21 06:59:16

Yeah he sound likes An epic prick. But you've facilitated, allowed and possibly encouraged this behaviour so should take some responsibility - I'd be telling him he eats at 7 with the kids or doesn't eat all. Set out a list of stuff you want help with. If he doesn't shape up he ships out simple as that

RedHelenB Sun 02-May-21 07:02:20

After surgery a loving partner would do all the chores, make cups of tea , get you magazines and flowers. If they don't they don't love you hard to hear I know but you are with them through habit not through love.

IggyAce Sun 02-May-21 07:03:11

Sorry he needs to be an ex. Exactly what do you get out of this relationship?
Whose house is it? I’d be kicking his sorry arse out of the door today.

lockdownalli Sun 02-May-21 07:08:06

Eat dinner with the kids at 7 and he can reheat his when he has finished his very important hobby.

Or, actually, just get rid.

DamSky Sun 02-May-21 07:11:11

Don't apologise for shouting - it sounds like you need to be doing a lot more of it. Don't let him walk over you. There is nothing wrong with getting angry.

Buy why are you cooking two evening meals? Your dc can't be little ones, just cook one family meal- job done. Eat with the children or later but just cook once. I can't imagine cooking two meals every night. Stop that right now! And see if he will do a few of them.

What really is he adding apart from extra income?

Tiredandcross Sun 02-May-21 07:14:00

Thank you for your responses.

I'm glad I'm not wrong to have got so cross. He left me feeling like I was in the wrong somehow.

It is my house, he moved in with me and my dc 8 years ago. We eventually planned to buy our own but it's not happened...thank goodness really!

Yes I've facilitated this I know. I'm not proud of that but it has happened and this is where I am.

I'm dreading hearing him get up as I know he is likely to be in a bad mood and sulking and short with me and I can't bear bad atmospheres.

OP’s posts: |
takemetothelakes Sun 02-May-21 07:16:01

What do you want? Do you want to be in a relationship with him?
It looks like you're in a good position to kick him out tbh.

phoebewallyfridge Sun 02-May-21 07:17:15

OP, seriously, read your post back to yourself!! Hr comes home from work and games until 9pm while you do EVERYTHING???

How is this happening?

longwayoff Sun 02-May-21 07:18:03

Lucky that restaurants are now opening up again so he can choose to be fed at his own pleasure. What a prince. Bloody hell OP; you know the rest. Try to plan your urgent exit required ASAP.

Cam2020 Sun 02-May-21 07:19:03

Hes an absolute shit.

Pottedpalm Sun 02-May-21 07:20:37

So he moved into YOUR house and treats you like a slave? Do you even like him any more? I rarely say kick him out, but you would be better off without him. You don’t need this ‘man ’ in your life!

Bloodypunkrockers Sun 02-May-21 07:20:49

Jesus OP

Don't get cross, get angry

Ask to him to start looking for somewhere else to live

What an abusive waste of space

LawnFever Sun 02-May-21 07:21:50

He sounds awful! Why can’t he make his own dinner? You shouldn’t be doing everything like this while he sits playing games every night he’s completely in the wrong here.

What do you want long term, do you want to carry on like this? Will he ever change?

SunIsComing Sun 02-May-21 07:23:00

Omg. Kick him out. He’s vile.

SunIsComing Sun 02-May-21 07:23:36

Why don’t you eat with your kids and let him reheat his dinner later?

DorisLessingsCat Sun 02-May-21 07:24:26

I honestly cheered when I saw that it is your house and he's not the father of your children. Makes it so much easier to ask him to leave.

He needs to go. You know that, right?

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