AIBU to think turning up to parties with your own food in Tupperware is rude?

(400 Posts)
LadyWhistledownsQuill Fri 23-Apr-21 09:30:41

No dietary requirements - we have checked.

They've been doing this for years (we see them every year or two) - so it's not COVID related, though they're currently very anxious about COVID.

They know full well that absolutely everything is being bought in (they've seen the order form) and served on paper plates this time, so their previous excuse of "saving us the bother" has evaporated. Hygiene is also not a logical concern for that reason.

Instead they'll be turning up to a family event with all their food in Tupperware, and no reason has been offered.

AIBU to think it's rude to reject your host's catering? I just don't get what they're playing at.

OP’s posts: |
ChekhovsWorkshoppedShooter Fri 23-Apr-21 09:33:13

It’s a breach of etiquette certainly, but it’s not actually putting you out. If you otherwise enjoy their company I’d just accept it as their personal quirk and move on.

If they happily eat out at everyone else’s house I’d take it more personally - do you have pets?

Angrypregnantlady Fri 23-Apr-21 09:33:55

It's a bit weird but it doesn't actually affect you does it? If they were bringing like a whole turkey to Christmas and serving your guests then I'd be annoyed but bringing themselves a packed lunch I'd just see as a bit quirky.

MapGirlExtraordinaire Fri 23-Apr-21 09:34:42

It is weird and rude.

However they clearly have their own reasons for doing this, and since it's not really harming anyone else I'd be tempted to have a laugh to myself about how odd they are and then let it go.

I know all sorts of weirdos but if they're nice people who I enjoy the company of otherwise, let them be weird!

There are worse things than being a bit odd.

Only you know if they're being deliberately rude or insulting to the host. If they are then I'd guess they are probably rude in other areas and you're unlikely to enjoy their company, so sack them off grin

PurpleDaisies Fri 23-Apr-21 09:35:43

What kind of food is it?
Do they eat out at restaurants, take seats etc?

Lovethewater Fri 23-Apr-21 09:36:18

Maybe try asking (nicely) why they do this.

ThorosBeta Fri 23-Apr-21 09:36:38

It’s perculiar but wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.

TeamCuthbert Fri 23-Apr-21 09:38:10

That is so rude! I am vegan and can’t eat most of what people serve, but wouldn’t dram of taking my own food. Unless it was one dish that I was sharing with everybody.

FizzyApricot Fri 23-Apr-21 09:38:31

Do they do it at other people's gatherings? Could be an anxiety thing? Have you asked them nicely?

HilaryBriss Fri 23-Apr-21 09:38:36

I had a friend who wouldn't eat anythng that anyone else had prepared so maybe it's like that? My friend would eat in restaurants, preferably ones with open kitchens where she could see them cooking, if not she would visit the toilets before ordering to check out the general level of cleanliness.

KFleming Fri 23-Apr-21 09:39:17

It’s odd but I’d probably assume they had a reason they didn’t want to share (extreme fussy eating and they’ve decided this is less rude than being served something and not eating it for example).
I’d want to know in advance they were doing it so I didn’t cook for them though.

PicaK Fri 23-Apr-21 09:39:48

What do you think it is that they're really saying? Genuinely curious not having a go.

They think you're dirty
They think your house is dirty
They don't trust you

Why are you so sure it's not about them?
Food anxiety
Food issues
Lack of confidence

Lilmzsnowflake Fri 23-Apr-21 09:40:47

Maybe they’re just really fussy eaters, rather than a specific dietary issue. SIL is like this and often brings her own food.
If worried excessively about covid now, could have a phobia about germs, sickness, illness in general and this is their way of controlling that while still socialising.
If they’re like it with everyone then I would be less bothered than if it was just me as it would suggest they’d had specific issues with my home or hygiene. Up to you to decide if there is a problem or not.
Yes it’s a bit weird but I couldn’t get worked up about it, if otherwise they are nice people and you get along.

singtanana Fri 23-Apr-21 09:42:38

Could they be calorie counting? They know how many calories/points are in what they made. A bit unusual but maybe they’re a bit embarrassed to say they want low fat meals as not a dietary requirement as such. I know someone who did this and we all just enjoyed each other’s company.

idontlikealdi Fri 23-Apr-21 09:45:10

I wouldn't get annoyed by it - there is obviously an issue somewhere and you know they are going to do it.

My gran was like this - she would take a (cold) baked potato and butter with her. She just had weird food issues.

FizzyApricot Fri 23-Apr-21 09:47:02

I'm assuming they are your family and you are quite close. If not I'd just leave it and accept this is what they do. I don't think it's rude to do it with no explanation especially if you know them well.

Ladymouse Fri 23-Apr-21 09:47:16

Are they bringing there own BBQ?

IrmaFayLear Fri 23-Apr-21 09:49:03

I would far rather someone did this than present me with an extensive and impossible list of their requirements. They are dealing with their issue rather than putting it on you.

MissyB1 Fri 23-Apr-21 09:51:37

My husband's ex used to do this. It caused him a lot of embarrassment and in the end people stopped inviting them around. It wasn't just family she did it to, it was any friends houses and anywhere they got invited to. She also flatly refused to eat in pubs cafes or restaurants.

She had an eating disorder but was in total denial.

HappyAsASandboy Fri 23-Apr-21 09:52:30

It wouldn't bother me at all! I wouldn't see it as rude, and I would just ask whether I can do anything to accommodate them - plates/cutlery/condiments etc.

I can see why it would be inappropriate in a formal setting, but at a friends house/party I would rather they be comfortable and have food they want to eat than sit there finding the food situation difficult in any way.

I don't take food with me to peoples houses because I am more than happy to eat what I'm given, but I absolutely don't mind if others bring food to my house!

readingismycardio Fri 23-Apr-21 09:53:40

Hmmm I did this a couple of times, as I was calorie counting and I knew there'd only be pizza/garlic bread/chips, but it was only me, not my husband, he had whatever everyone had. However in your OP the situation seems to be different & a bit odd. I'd ask, tbh!

Flatstanleysenvelope Fri 23-Apr-21 09:55:07

Bringing their own food might be the only way this person can eat out... would you let your pride and offence come before someone else’s problems?

It really wouldn’t bother me. Less washing up!

UniversitySerf Fri 23-Apr-21 09:55:48

I really wouldn’t care and would just think less prep and tidying up for me.

Now the real question what relative and do you actually like them? food issues aside.

Hankunamatata Fri 23-Apr-21 09:56:47

Odd but wouldnt bother me. Would make me chuckle

cate16 Fri 23-Apr-21 09:57:33


It's a bit weird but it doesn't actually affect you does it? If they were bringing like a whole turkey to Christmas and serving your guests then I'd be annoyed but bringing themselves a packed lunch I'd just see as a bit quirky.

If they were bring the turkey ready cooked - I'd be inviting them to every big meal!

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