I think I've upset my neighbours

(122 Posts)
Happilysinglemum Thu 22-Apr-21 19:21:10

Last year while I was away for a week my neighbours erected a fence down the middle of a shared drive. This has left me with a drive which is no longer wide enough to open both car doors, which is rather a problem as I have 2 children so my autistic 10 year old ends up having to stand in the road while I get the car out. Around Christmas I approached the housing association who own the properties to ask if they would consider widening part of my drive, it would mean I would loose part of my front garden but at least I'd be able to open the doors. They sent a surveyor within weeks who visited while I was at work, he left a card to say he had been and someone would be in touch.

When I got to March and I still hadn't heard anything I phoned again and asked for the housing officer to ring me as it is ridiculous to keep struggling and I was looking for a decision on my widening or an alternative suggestion. I also explained that I needed to speak to him as the horizontal rail is overhanging my side of the drive and blocking me from replacing my fence, it is only the horizontal rails, the posts are lined up with the boundary line.

He never phoned me back and due to Easter and work I have yet to chase.

This morning I received a letter from the housing association telling me a surveyor has examined the fence, it is constructed correctly and they have no issues with its location. I have never suggested it is not constructed correctly.

I tried to speak to my neighbour this afternoon, while not outwardly rude she told me the HA had told her I had complained and that her fence was fine and was going nowhere, I pointed out that her fence was blocking the end of mine and she offered to move that rail when I change the fence.

Where do I go from here? I feel that the landlord has created a potential neighbour dispute in speaking to my neighbour and not me.

OP’s posts: |
ForTheLoveOfWine Thu 22-Apr-21 19:27:52

I think you can’t do anything about the fence so what could be done so you can open both doors?
Can you park further over it’s hard to understand from you post sorry

worrybutterfly Thu 22-Apr-21 19:30:42

Just explain to the neighbour that you're sorry if there has been a misunderstanding and the HA has got the wrong end of the stick. You didn't want her fence/rail removed, instead you were asking the HA to widen your drive to give you better access on your own property.

Fence wise, however annoying it is, it's on her side so there isn't much you can do other than widen your drive. We put a fence up between ours and ours neighbours drive. They weren't happy and consulted a solicitor who looked into it and said there was nothing they could do.

Happilysinglemum Thu 22-Apr-21 19:32:52

Thanks, if I park further over then one of the children is getting out onto the grass, did that initially until one of the children walked cat poo into the house.

OP’s posts: |
Happilysinglemum Thu 22-Apr-21 19:34:35

worrybutterfly

Just explain to the neighbour that you're sorry if there has been a misunderstanding and the HA has got the wrong end of the stick. You didn't want her fence/rail removed, instead you were asking the HA to widen your drive to give you better access on your own property.

Fence wise, however annoying it is, it's on her side so there isn't much you can do other than widen your drive. We put a fence up between ours and ours neighbours drive. They weren't happy and consulted a solicitor who looked into it and said there was nothing they could do.

Thanks, I did try but she told me she was late and drove off.

OP’s posts: |
Proudboomer Thu 22-Apr-21 19:36:24

Your drive was never wide enough as you was opening your doors and getting out over next doors property.
Now If you have to step on to grass on your side when getting out why don’t you just pop down to b&q and buy a couple of paving slabs to put over the grass which you are stepping on?
Cost about £20 and problem solved.

worrybutterfly Thu 22-Apr-21 19:37:21

Happilysinglemum

Thanks, if I park further over then one of the children is getting out onto the grass, did that initially until one of the children walked cat poo into the house.


So there's enough space to open both the car doors on both sides? But then one child has to step on the grass rather than drive/pathway?

If that's the case could you look into putting something on top of the grass for them to step onto? I don't know what, but I imagine you can get some sort of plastic grid (like you see in temporary car parks that they put in fields).

woodhill Thu 22-Apr-21 19:39:42

I'm surprised your neighbour was allowed to put the fence up if it a shared drive

Artesia Thu 22-Apr-21 19:39:56

Can’t you all get in the same side, and one of the kids just scooch across the seat?

Bluntness100 Thu 22-Apr-21 19:40:02

Just buy a few cheap paving slabs ans park over the grass area. It doesn’t need to be this hard.

PatsyJStone Thu 22-Apr-21 19:41:13

Can you children get in the car on the same side and shuffle over to the other seat? Arrange your seats so that the person in car seat is 8n the furthest one s9 the other doesn’t need to climb over it.
Check your garden for cat poo regularly?
Get a grid thingy, two or three, that you can put on the grass - look at wickes, can’t remember the proper name. You can stand on them and they are firm, cats probably wouldn’t find them easy to walk on and may avoid them as well.
Doesn’t sound like you have many other options but the ones above are fairly easy to put into practice.

FlyingBurrito Thu 22-Apr-21 19:41:30

Happilysinglemum

Thanks, if I park further over then one of the children is getting out onto the grass, did that initially until one of the children walked cat poo into the house.

Then the solution is to put something over the grass

Unless I'm missing something (which is possible as I can't visualise the problem) you are making an issue where there doesn't need to be one

Are you saying you've stressed yourself out with the HA when you could have just put something on the grass?

Proudboomer Thu 22-Apr-21 19:42:44

It is clearly not a shared drive if the housing association have said the fence is fine. More likely they are parallel drives that didn’t have a dividing fence but now do.

Bluntness100 Thu 22-Apr-21 19:43:56

Any of those would do it.

www.amazon.co.uk/CrazyGadget-Plastic-Driveway-Protector-Drainage/dp/6040427531/ref=bmx_2?psc=1&pf_rd_p=6398e171-4f42-4318-a493-6aac0e34c3e5&pf_rd_r=S945PRM7JGWM5704FWG2&pd_rd_wg=n4gfP&pd_rd_i=6040427531&pd_rd_w=p4yVK&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&pd_rd_r=96c6b115-448a-481e-8ee2-0a81daa52745

www.wickes.co.uk/Marshalls-Richmond-Smooth-Natural-Paving-Slab-450-x-450-x-32-mm/p/144650

Aprilshowersandhail Thu 22-Apr-21 19:44:00

The op was getting her dc out onto the shared drive. Not ndn's drive...
Flag the lot op.
And never ever do anything for ndn. No parcels or owt... Awkward bag.

Bluntness100 Thu 22-Apr-21 19:45:12

Are you saying you've stressed yourself out with the HA when you could have just put something on the grass?

This is how I read it too, there is plenty of space to open all doors she just didn’t wish her child to step on the grass in case of cat poo.

Saltyslug Thu 22-Apr-21 19:46:17

Getting out on to the grass is a minor issue

Badtasteflump Thu 22-Apr-21 19:47:25

Tbh I don't see the issue - if you still have room to open the car doors both sides, just get the DC to wipe their feet before going inside. Surely they risk walking in poop every time they walk on grass anywhere, not just in your drive? I can't imagine a HA will see it as an issue that needs resolving when they probably have countless families living in houses with no driveways to park in at all, and who probably manage fine.
Re your neighbour, just explain what happened as you have done on here so they know you weren't complaining about them.

Whinge Thu 22-Apr-21 19:47:44

Aprilshowersandhail

The op was getting her dc out onto the shared drive. Not ndn's drive...
Flag the lot op.
And never ever do anything for ndn. No parcels or owt... Awkward bag.

The drive was wide enough to get the children out before the fence, but this isn't possible with the fence in place Surely the only reason for this was because the OP was benefiting from the extra space from the neighbours drive.

CarmelBeach Thu 22-Apr-21 19:49:21

Badtasteflump

Tbh I don't see the issue - if you still have room to open the car doors both sides, just get the DC to wipe their feet before going inside. Surely they risk walking in poop every time they walk on grass anywhere, not just in your drive? I can't imagine a HA will see it as an issue that needs resolving when they probably have countless families living in houses with no driveways to park in at all, and who probably manage fine.
Re your neighbour, just explain what happened as you have done on here so they know you weren't complaining about them.

This is my interpretation as well.

Retrievemysanity Thu 22-Apr-21 19:49:35

Get the kids to go out of the same door. I do this if I’m parked on a road, I always make sure the kids get out on the pavement side.

Aprilshowersandhail Thu 22-Apr-21 19:49:43

Shared drive isn't half each...

Bluntness100 Thu 22-Apr-21 19:49:59

Aprilshowersandhail

The op was getting her dc out onto the shared drive. Not ndn's drive...
Flag the lot op.
And never ever do anything for ndn. No parcels or owt... Awkward bag.

It’s clearly not a shared drive if the housing association is happy with th fence. So it was two drives just missing any border.

Whinge Thu 22-Apr-21 19:50:38

Aprilshowersandhail

Shared drive isn't half each...

Shared drives don't usually have fences dividing them into two sepearte halves.

Curiosity101 Thu 22-Apr-21 19:51:00

It doesn't sound like a shared drive to me, otherwise, it wouldn't have been allowed a fence down it. It sounds like you always relied on using some of your neighbour's driveway to get your kids in and out of the car? I'd have thought that might have annoyed your neighbours and could be the reason they requested the fence in the first place?

Did they never have a car on the drive themselves?

I definitely think PPs suggestions make sense. If HA can't/wont turn some of the garden into a permanent driveway then can you find a cheap temporary solution like laying paving slabs or gravel or something?

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