To be shaken up by this and insistent over it not happening again?

(441 Posts)
Boursinfan Tue 20-Apr-21 17:27:59

So my 2.5 year old DS’s grandparents look after him once a week. They dropped him back home today and said there had been an accident. He fell into their garden pond, luckily they were out there and got him out straight away. He was soaked, so his grandma gave him a bath and put some dry clothes on him.
She just messaged me and said she felt dreadful and it was a genuine accident etc.
My mind is now going over the what ifs. I gently asked if they were going to get a cover for it now and she said they’ll “try to”.
They’re my DP’s parents, I feel like maybe he should speak to them. But he’ll brush it off as no big deal, as DS is fine, apart from a little shaken up. I’m also concerned he swallowed some of the water by accident and might get ill. There are algae and newts in there.
Should I insist they get a cover if my partner won’t? I feel awkward, but at the same time I’m not going to be able to relax when he’s at their house otherwise. They’re usually very diligent and careful, so I’m very surprised it happened at all really.

OP’s posts: |
Allthefilmsarecrap Tue 20-Apr-21 17:29:04

God my eyes popped out my head reading this. I honestly wouldn’t let him back till it was covered but I’m a worst case scenario type of person.

DearTeddyRobinson Tue 20-Apr-21 17:30:35

Tbh OP I wouldn't have let him go there in the first place without a cover on the pond. Far too dangerous. I would insist they install a cover and thank their lucky stars today was just a warning rather than a tragedy.

Sbk28 Tue 20-Apr-21 17:31:23

A cover won't stop him from falling in. A fence around it would - that's what they need. If they can't or won't do this, they shouldn't have him out in the garden

GreenTeaPingPong Tue 20-Apr-21 17:32:14

That is very worrying. I think there is more awareness these days than there was in your PIL's time about drowning risks and small children, even in shallow water. I think you should calmly and gently but firmly say that he can't be there without you or your DP until they get a cover, even if that means inconvenience to you re work and upset to them as they'll feel accused of neglect.

MayorGoodwaysChicken Tue 20-Apr-21 17:32:33


Tbh OP I wouldn't have let him go there in the first place without a cover on the pond. Far too dangerous. I would insist they install a cover and thank their lucky stars today was just a warning rather than a tragedy.

This. My child wouldn’t set foot onto their property until the pond was covered and if the child’s father reacted any differently I would be extremely concerned about his parenting. I’m so glad for you that all was ok but can imagine how shaken up you must feel.

Tartyflette Tue 20-Apr-21 17:32:36

Garden ponds are a serious hazard for toddlers, we fenced ours off when DC were small. YADNBU.
Terrible accidents can happen in no more than a few seconds. .

Twistered Tue 20-Apr-21 17:32:38

He fell in even though they are diligent and careful just shows how quickly accidents happen. I'd be kindly insisting on them filling it in or getting a cover. Your mil sounds nice so just message her back saying it's terrified you at how quick things like that can happen even though they are so good etc. And that the pond needs filled or covered.

GreenTeaPingPong Tue 20-Apr-21 17:34:07

You can get safety grids/nets.

Fembot123 Tue 20-Apr-21 17:34:49

Why did they say they’d try to? What might prevent them?

Legoninjago1 Tue 20-Apr-21 17:36:18

Absolutely yanbu. I wouldn't be letting him back either.

MogHog Tue 20-Apr-21 17:36:44

My parents had a metal grill put over their pond as soon as one of us had a child. There was no discussion over it at all. They knew all it takes it a second with your back turned. I would not be letting my kids go back until they've taken measures to make sure this never happens again.

constantsnaxking Tue 20-Apr-21 17:37:21

I'd not let them visit again until the pond was gone.

BingBongToTheMoon Tue 20-Apr-21 17:37:49

Nope. He wouldn’t be going back until it’s secured with a fence (I would want mesh on top too.....or it’s drained & filled in!)

Legoninjago1 Tue 20-Apr-21 17:38:32

Until it was made safe I mean.

Heronwatcher Tue 20-Apr-21 17:39:37

YANBU, my in-laws had a massive trampoline with no side nets. I kept insisting it was dangerous for my young kids but no one believed me until my daughter fell off and broke her arm. Maybe your DH could help get a cover or better still fence it off? But definitely don’t be guilt tripped into dropping this.

TSSDNCOP Tue 20-Apr-21 17:39:46

I had a wrought iron grill made for the pond when I was pregnant. My neighbour had one and the entrances between our properties weren't gated so we installed a small gate too.

Ponds, hot tubs, pools are lethal. You don't hear them go in and their clothes weigh them down very quickly even if the water is seemingly shallow.

longwayoff Tue 20-Apr-21 17:40:03

They are idiots. Get a bloody cover for them if they're still vacillating. And ensure they use it when your child's there. In fact, think hard about that if they're so daft.

MiddleClassProblem Tue 20-Apr-21 17:40:16

I would be helping them get a pond cover (metal not net) or looking into fencing.

THisbackwithavengeance Tue 20-Apr-21 17:40:59

Yes, a cover is needed. However, if they look after your DS as childcare for you, then you might want to suggest that you and your DH organise and pay for it.

WorraLiberty Tue 20-Apr-21 17:41:32

Fuck me, you have to ask? shock

I gently asked if they were going to get a cover for it now and she said they’ll “try to”.

Why 'gently' when you're child could've died? Tell them they need to get the pond made safe before your child goes around there again.

ItIsMyName Tue 20-Apr-21 17:41:43

Maybe send them a link/ print the article about Muriel Gray’s daughter, Roman, who fell into a garden pond and is now severely handicapped.

Hellocatshome Tue 20-Apr-21 17:42:52

My parents got a metal grid put across their pond when their first grandchild was born and they live 100s of miles away and only see the kids a few times a year. Its a non negotiable in my opinion.

Sevensilverrings Tue 20-Apr-21 17:43:45

If it was me, I’d probably just ask them if I could get a cover fitted for them. Once it’s done and you can move on to worrying about whether they keep garden chemicals and heart medication safely locked up, and if they stop the toddler twiddling the gas cooker knobs or trying to climb out of the upstairs windows. (All things we worried over when kids visited grandparents)!

CuriousaboutSamphire Tue 20-Apr-21 17:43:47

Get your DH to tell them DC won't be visiting until they fit a grid and explain that he is disappointed that they hadn't done it already. He could offer to fit it so you are both sure it is safe. You don't have to be the bad guy on this one.

I hope you are feeling more calm now. That has to have been an awful moment for you.

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