To have told DH to stick his anniversary card where the sun don’t shine?

(297 Posts)
BacktoBeingAGymBunny Mon 19-Apr-21 10:18:16

I actually told him to stick it up his arse but that was too impolite to put in the thread title.

This is the card that he’s apparently going to buy me today and give to me when he gets home from work at about 8-9pm.

Our (24th) wedding anniversary is today. He’s had the weekend off from Friday. He came down this morning to a beautifully wrapped present, thoughtfully written card and bar of his favourite expensive chocolate. I expected to come down to flowers and a card at least. He’d gone to work before I came down and I was just slightly devastated to come down to nothing. He just rang me to thank me for what I got him and got an earful.

I don’t want an afterthought late in the evening when the days almost over.

I put up with him being shit on birthdays, Mother’s Day and anniversaries for many years in our marriage but he’d started to put effort in the last few years or so. I’m bloody furious he couldn’t be bothered again, especially as he is extremely lucky to still be married to me (very hard 2 years in our relationship).

It’s not about him splashing the cash either. It’s the thought that counts IMO. That he actually gives a shit.

OP’s posts: |
Rillington Mon 19-Apr-21 10:25:30

I don't care about presents but I do insist on a card. He's been very thoughtless. I don't blame you for being angry.

timeisnotaline Mon 19-Apr-21 10:28:26

Fair enough! Are there dc? You could just disappear for the night to a hotel.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing Mon 19-Apr-21 10:29:47

He’s in the wrong completely not to acknowledge the day and get you something, as it is clearly important to you.

However, I guess giving him an earful when he phones slightly negates the benefit of getting him a nice card, present etc. He might have preferred no present and no earful!

I’d chat about it calmly on another day so that the message sinks in.

Deadringer Mon 19-Apr-21 10:30:05

I would be eating that nice chocolate for a start.

MorgeMooney Mon 19-Apr-21 10:30:33

Eat his chocolate.

Sparklfairy Mon 19-Apr-21 10:31:29

Out of interest, would he have noticed/been disappointed if you hadn't got him anything?

And 'slightly devastated' is not a thing btw grin like being slightly pregnant

Aprilshowersandhail Mon 19-Apr-21 10:32:14

Similar situation was my dh ruined my 40th..
He was exh before I was 41..
Just an idea.
No excuse for thoughtlessness.

Deadringer Mon 19-Apr-21 10:32:58

After eating his chocolate, i would be ringing him to say where is my fucking present, you lazy arsehole.

Pyewackect Mon 19-Apr-21 10:34:34

You sound hard work !.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows Mon 19-Apr-21 10:35:19

Thing is OP, if he's a repeat 'offender' I have very little sympathy when you then go and make a big effort for him. If he's shit on Mother's Day, birthdays etc why are you even bothering?

harknesswitch Mon 19-Apr-21 10:36:11

Eat his chocolate.

ImprobablePuffin Mon 19-Apr-21 10:38:37


You sound hard work !.

Why is someone hard work for wanting to be acknowledged?

Plumplumbadum Mon 19-Apr-21 10:40:42


You sound hard work !.

Why is it that people who post statements like that are usually very hard work themselves?

BlackCatShadow Mon 19-Apr-21 10:40:47

Just buy yourself a lovely present and card from now on. That’s what I do. I always buy myself very thoughtful presents. My Ex never used to get anything because he couldn’t be bothered, but he is my Ex...

Aprilshowersandhail Mon 19-Apr-21 10:40:54

24 years married and hard work to expect a fuss? Christ some people have low standards then.
Kick u a fuss op.
Or kick him out.

BacktoBeingAGymBunny Mon 19-Apr-21 10:41:22

He’s taken the chocolate to eat at work!

I’m so pissed off because it’s dawned on me recently that it’s always been me that’s had to make the effort in our relationship. He can’t even be bothered to sort out his premature ejaculation that I’ve put up with since we got together (so I don’t even get decent sex out of it) and now this.

OP’s posts: |
Rillington Mon 19-Apr-21 10:42:26

@Pyewackect you must have pretty low standards in a relationship if you think the OP is hard work.

Butwasitherdriveway Mon 19-Apr-21 10:43:13


Yeah.yabu. massively. You sound ridiculous.

WerkWerkWerkWerkWerkWerkWerk Mon 19-Apr-21 10:43:32

Oh god, my partner of 12 years is absolutely terrible when it comes to things like this. I've realised he really doesn't care, his family don't bother, so I've scaled back and actually find it a relief to not put effort in myself. The important bit is he is utterly fantastic in other areas, such as childcare, loyalty, support etc. If your partner is the same, I'd say I sympathise (my female relatives are big on cards/presents/making an effort and would be upset if I didn't reciprocate) but don't mistake thoughtlessness for not caring full stop.
If however, he is lacking in other areas, perhaps this is just the straw that's breaking the camel's back...

Mummy1608 Mon 19-Apr-21 10:45:31

It sounds like the anniversary card is not your main issue... the two hard years (am affair?) and the PE are your main gripes. Address those, rather than confusing him that you're this pissed off over just... a card? Also, you didn't even give him till the end of the day to get the present/card before the earful? Without those previous problems, YABU. It's those other problems that are the issue, not some silly card

MMMarmite Mon 19-Apr-21 10:46:07

This is clearly much bigger than a card. In the context of a great relationship, not a big deal. But it seems this is just symbolic of much bigger problems

Grumblesigh Mon 19-Apr-21 10:46:43

We don't do cards and gifts for anniversaries, but we do plan something together for the day, talk about 'us', have a really positive time together to appreciate our marriage.

But you need to have something positive to celebrate.

If I knew that, to feel loved, dh needed a card and a present, I'd make sure he had it. After 24 years, your dh should know that about you. But I suspect he is not concerned about you feeling loved.


Bluedeblue Mon 19-Apr-21 10:47:06

I think I would have waited until tonight to confront him. What if you get flowers delivered today?!

Mummy1608 Mon 19-Apr-21 10:48:10

Some people (myself included) just don't have gifts/milestones as their love language. I wouldn't be bothered at all if my dh didn't remember our anniversary. But I would be hugely bothered if he gave me an earful about something without giving me the chance of fix it. Sounds like there are miscommunications in your relationship, and you escalating it will not solve it

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