AIBU because my friends think me and DH are weird...

(42 Posts)
isitjustmeorareweallgoingmad Sun 18-Apr-21 10:17:37

My DH and I have been married 8 years and have 2 children.

We recently sold a rental property (was mine before I met DH and i became an accidental landlord) and we’re about to sell the house we live in which is DH’s and put all the money together and buy somewhere putting all the money together.

Anyway, house prices in our area have gone absolutely wild. Houses are selling for crazy money and DH and I are hesitant to pay a lot more than we think the house is worth.

I relayed I conversation to my friends that my DH and I had spoken at length about the future and what would happen if for instance, we divorced and couldn’t recoup the money as we’d paid way over the odds, one of us died etc and the costs of the upkeep of the house. Just general musings about the future and how you’re never sure what is round the corner.

My friends told me straight that they thought my DH and I even discussing divorce was weird. I tried to explain that we’re not getting divorced - just trying to be cautious with money which we generally are.

Are we weird? I thought when you’re talking about spending (and possibly over spending) hundreds of thousands of pounds you’d cover all the possibilities?

OP’s posts: |
alwaysscared Sun 18-Apr-21 10:18:42

Nope not weird, just sensible

MaMaD1990 Sun 18-Apr-21 10:19:11

You're being sensible, not weird. Your friends are clueless.

huuskymam Sun 18-Apr-21 10:21:14

Nothing weird about it. It's very sensible to discuss all possible outcomes.

Mvemjsunp86 Sun 18-Apr-21 10:22:22

Not weird at all. But I say this as someone who started talking about (and then got) a prenup as soon as marriage was mentioned.

Plus have had a will since I bought my first place, my own savings account in relationships etc. It is sensible to make sure that you are prepared for things to go wrong and make a plan just in case. And then you can get on and enjoy life with the additional security the back-up plan brings.

JackieWeaverFever Sun 18-Apr-21 10:22:26

You are normal and sensible to discuss it.

We bought our house at a price point and
With life insurance cover that allows us to continue living there should one of us die. We are in our 30s

Lockdownbear Sun 18-Apr-21 10:24:15

Not knowing about the future and being cautious is sensible but I think it is slightly odd to have divorce cross your mind.

My thoughts would be more along the lines of could we afford it if one became incapacitated or if one of us died.

LolaSmiles Sun 18-Apr-21 10:25:40

Nothing weird at all. It's very sensible.

greenlynx Sun 18-Apr-21 10:26:07

It’s just sensible especially because you’ve had your personal assets before marriage so obviously want them to be protected.

KFleming Sun 18-Apr-21 10:26:36

Very sensible to discuss it, especially if there are children involved I think.

isitjustmeorareweallgoingmad Sun 18-Apr-21 10:26:53

@Lockdownbear

The divorce stats show I’m just as likely (if not more) to get divorced as I am to have a serious illness confused

Thanks all. I’ll keep all these options in my mind knowing I’m not alone in being prudent.

OP’s posts: |
LawnFever Sun 18-Apr-21 10:28:05

That’s a very sensible open and honest conversation to have, ignore your friends

Chloemol Sun 18-Apr-21 10:28:25

Nope not weird, very sensible, it’s your friends being weird if they haven’t thought about it. It could back to bite them on the behind

RuggerHug Sun 18-Apr-21 10:29:21

Definitely not weird.

itsalifetimesworkfella Sun 18-Apr-21 10:32:04

The amount of people who don't have wills as it could somehow trigger an awful event tells you how weird some people really are.

You're being eminently sensible.

PatsyJStone Sun 18-Apr-21 10:35:54

Definitely not. You’ve raised valid points not just about divorce but affording the property as a single person.

Some people don’t like to admit divorce may happen and like everyone to think they have a perfect marriage.

Returnoftheowl Sun 18-Apr-21 10:36:36

Not weird, just being sensible.

BeeyatchPlease Sun 18-Apr-21 10:37:57

It's not a pleasant topic to discuss but definitely wise to cover all possibilities, including death etc. I'm a financial planner and ask clients to consider all outcomes when making big financial decisions. Pragmatism is key when you don't have a crystal ball.

Magnificentmug12 Sun 18-Apr-21 10:39:43

It’s weird but it is also sensible. Maybe she automatically assumes you will be worse off in a divorce situation and for you to be mentioning your OH having protected assets against you is silly, being as it’s normally the women who takes resident responsibility of children.

billy1966 Sun 18-Apr-21 10:41:17

Taking out critical illness cover or income protection insurance or house insurance is what adults do to protect their family's.

Having conversations about how you would like to be buried, organ donation are similar conversations too.

Life happens.
Being prepared and discussing life's possibilities is wise.

An over priced house needs a conversation!

Lucywarlowsrighthand Sun 18-Apr-21 10:42:48

isitjustmeorareweallgoingmad

*@Lockdownbear*

The divorce stats show I’m just as likely (if not more) to get divorced as I am to have a serious illness confused

Thanks all. I’ll keep all these options in my mind knowing I’m not alone in being prudent.

When ex-H and I split up I deliberately didn’t take him off the tenancy of our council house (this is perfectly legal BTW) because I wanted him to be able to move back easily if something happened to me. We have children together.

I’ve since been diagnosed with cancer and while I’m not planning on dying from it, it’s just one less thing to worry about. And I might still get knocked down by a lorry of course.

Shit happens, life happens and it would be crazy not to at least consider the possibility of splitting up in the future. Life is full of unknowns.

Here’s to long, happy, healthy lives with great relationships, and the knowledge that we have something to fall back on if the shit hits the fan. I doubt my house will ever burn down but you’d better believe I’ve got contents insurance.

Dizzy1234 Sun 18-Apr-21 10:42:59

Definitely not weird, you're sensible, we live in my house and rent out oh's house, we've had conversations around buying together and the repercussions of splitting up in the future, we've decided to put our plans of buying a house together on hold.
I'm more wary as I earn less than oh and I've nearly paid my mortgage off, don't want to risk not being able to afford a house in my own if it all goes pear shaped, we've been together 14 yrs btw

VegCheeseandCrackers Sun 18-Apr-21 10:43:24

Definitely just being sensible.

TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN Sun 18-Apr-21 10:46:37

Sensible. Ignore your friends.

Shit happens - it's easier to deal with said shit if financial stuff is already in place.

No matter how lovely ones spouse is it's never sensible to think they'd do the best by you if you got divorced!

UseOfWeapons Sun 18-Apr-21 11:37:51

Sounds sensible and reasonable, but I think your friends might need a bit more openness and realism in their lives.
However...
When my 1st husband and I had a conversation about affairs...he told me if I had an affair, he would want to know. I told him that unless he was going to leave me, I didn’t want to know, as he’d be telling me to assuage his guilt by being ‘honest’. In the event, after his first foray, he literally drove home and told me about it, even though it was a ONS. With the second (that I know about), he was having an affair, and it wasn’t until I asked him something about his unusual behaviour that he blurted it all out. He was going to leave me a note 🙄. Our friends thoughts we were deranged to have this discussion in the first place.

It taught me to have the discussion about awkward things but don’t expect it turn out that way.😶

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