How often do you see your mum?

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

My mum has been on her own for a good few years. Has a reasonable social life during the week, COVID permitting. But she NEVER arranges anything on a weekend and leaves her weekends free for myself and my sister to either visit her or have her over for lunch/dinner. It's expected. So every weekend I drive over to see her. She lives about half an hour away. Around once a month I'll have her over for dinner.

My AIBU is whether it's too much to expect to have a 'weekend off' once in a while? I don't want to come across as uncaring, as I'm not. I know how lonely it can be living on your own. But I have a busy life - work FT, ferrying teenagers to their social lives, etc etc. I get two days off a week. I'd just like the odd weekend to myself sometimes. If I skip a visit it's met with huffiness.

[Kitkat151]

Most probably her friends all do weekend stuff with their own families....it’s the same with my Mum....she never sees her friends at weekends because they do family stuff....most people do family stuff at weekends.....my mum just doesn’t see anyone at weekends if she doesn’t see children/grandchildren...she wouldn’t huff about it though

[sunshineandshowers21]

everyday. i also see my sister and nanna most days. but our family are extremely close, and we all live within five minutes of each other. can’t you and sister take it in turns so one of you goes each week instead of both?

[Mumofsend]

I see my mum 2/3 times a week

[UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme]

Once a year for a week - sometimes twice a year. We live in different countries.

I adore my own children but would despise myself if I was needy and clingy with them, either now or when they are adults. They owe me nothing and never will, least of all entertainment and a social life.

[pepsicolagirl]

I see my Mum usually 2 or 3 times a week. If she lived closer it would probably be everyday, she is a good friend as well as a good Mum so I enjoy spending time with her. I see my Dad maybe a few times a year. They live less than 5mins drive from each other.

[Isaidnope]

When I lived in my hometown I saw her 2-3 times a week. Moved 30ish miles away so nothing huge but now only see her once every other month at best. Usually during the school holidays because I’m a teacher and she’s a TA so it fits best.

[FatCatThinCat]

Last saw my mum in 2014. Currently my daughter sees me every 2 or 3 months, would be more often if it weren't for bloody covid.

[Imapotato]

I’ve seen my mum twice since Christmas. That’s the way we both like it. We talk on the phone once a week or so. She lives around 30 mins away. We have a sort of close, but somewhat strained relationship due to her being frankly and awful parent while we were growing up. I maintain a relationship as her behaviour was due to mental illness which she was and is totally in denial about, but I don’t feel the need to see her all the time.

[lubeybooby]

My mum lives quite far away but we usually see her at least twice a year - haven't seen her for about 15 months and counting but hope that changes soon.

YANBU to your post - I love her tonnes but she can be a bit hard work and I couldn't do weekly/fortnightly. Maybe monthly at a push

If she were to just pop in for a cuppa/lunch or vice versa if she lived closer it would be fine maybe fortnightly but due to distance it's always a big fuss of her being a guest and staying a few days with my stepdad in tow. CBA.

[UsernameTaken76]

DM passed away but I see my Dad about fortnightly? I try and alternate with my sisters so he sees at least one of us. DH sees his Mum about once every 4-6wks but she see his sister 2/3 times a week.

[TheChosenTwo]

My mum lives close by to me, usually we will see each other maybe once a fortnight.
Covid times, I’ve seen her twice this year.
We’re close, I can count on her and vice Versa, we speak more often but we don’t live in each other’s pockets. We are both happy enough with how often we see each other.

[SamanthaVimes]

2 or 3 times a year. We speak a few times a week in the group chat with my sister but only briefly / to share pictures etc. She lives about 45 mins away.

[Kitkat151]

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme

Once a year for a week - sometimes twice a year. We live in different countries.

I adore my own children but would despise myself if I was needy and clingy with them, either now or when they are adults. They owe me nothing and never will, least of all entertainment and a social life.

Do you have a partner? Do you ever miss your kids? Does it make you sad that you don’t often seen them or not? Have you got grandkids yet? Genuine questions.....just that I can’t imagine only seeing my kids twice a year....I would be devastated.....but I know that circumstances differ.....I see my daughter and grandchildren 5 times a week....my youngest son and daughter once to twice a week. If I’ve not seen my daughters children for 3 days I start to miss them....However my eldest son who lives an 11 hour flight away I only see once or twice a year....last year he came home for 7 weeks....year before he came home for 3 weeks and we went to his for 3 weeks.....but I miss him lots even tho we WhatsApp daily....and I would never ask him to come home and am proud that he has made a life and career for himself.....just sad it’s so far away...., don’t consider myself needy....but it’s still very hard to not see him regularly and sometimes it’s a real physical pain....like my chest is being crushed.....and i often wonder how I will feel when he starts a family...... ie. will it be even harder..... My Mum lives 2hrs drive away and I see her 1 to 2 times a month.....and always feel guilty that I can’t go more....but she doesn’t moan or anything..... it makes me sad when I see posts like yours.....I know our kids don’t owe us anything....we don’t own them....they don’t belong to us.....but they are part of us....and that’s what makes me want them close.....but you sound like you have a different personality to me....and that’s fine....we are all different people.

[Crappyfridays7]

Last saw her December 2019 FaceTime etc but she lives 500 miles away. She lived a street away from her own mum and used to visit once a week on a Sunday morning occasionally 2 days. She wonders why we would prefer her closer especially with lockdowns etc. I’ve not had her live nearby in my adult life so ideally maybe see her once a week maybe more?...can’t you maybe take turns with your sister.

[SarahBellam]

I’d love to pop over and see my mum once a week. We live too far away go only see her a few times a year. Even if it’s for a cup of tea and a bun on a Saturday morning or one of her legendary Sunday lunchtime roasts it would mean the world to me. If it’s too much can you do something together instead? My sister takes my mum to the supermarket every Saturday and they do their weekly shop together and have coffee after. Something like that.

[JaceLancs]

Once or twice a week but DM is 82 with Alzheimer’s and I do her shopping - take her to appointments etc I’m 57
My DD (29) sees me on 1-2 times a week as we swim/gym - go shopping or for a coffee - pre Covid we used to go to same slimming club - but if busy we may go a couple of weeks without seeing each other - no set routine

[Creepygnochi]

Most days, but she lives on my property.

[Alsohuman]

My parents lived about the same distance as yours, OP. I visited every weekend. If I couldn’t make it I dropped in on a week night.

[AvocadosBeforeMortgages]

We've never been close, and I've only seen her once freezing my tits off on her doorstep since Christmas 2019 due to COVID.

Before COVID it was a few times a year - certainly not as often as once a month

[Silverfly]

In non covid times I'd see my mum once a month or so. We have a good, close relationship btw.

[MatildaTheCat]

My mum lives a long way away so I haven’t seen her since last September and we talk about once a week.

I would think that you probably need to manage your mum’s expectations gradually. Drop into the conversation that your weekends will be getting busy as lockdown ends so she should try to make some other plans for her weekend when you can’t visit. Maybe start by telling her about a fortnight before that you’ll be missing a weekend. Then gradually keep doing it. Obviously try to liaise with your sister so you can minimise times when she sees no one.

She will get used to the new normal. After the year we’ve all had visiting weekly seems quite lavish!

[Pyewackect]

My father lives in up-state New York. We try and see each other 4/5 times a year. My mother lives in Avignon. I haven’t seen since or spoken to her in ten years. My in-laws live 4 stops away on the tube and I see them once a week.

[IamnotH]

About once every few weeks- she lives 80 miles away and I work FT. We FaceTime a lot though and we're in contact by phone/text/FB tag pretty much every day!

When she lived nearby 3-4 times a week.

[Lazypuppy]

Well i see my mum at least 4 times a week and speak to her everyday, so for me only seeing your mum once a week is weird 🤷‍♀️

How often do you want to see her?