To have had enough of caring for my disabled dd

(181 Posts)
chickensaresafehere Thu 15-Apr-21 15:25:23

14 years & I'm tired.

Tired of being a constant carer,of it being all my world is.
Tired of thinking & worrying about the future. Hers & mine.

Tired of not being able to relax,of constantly being in fight/flight mode,so much so I've totally lost the ability to chill out. It's exhausting.

Tired of dreading school holidays.

Tired of having loads of services cut & respite taken away because of Covid.

Tired of not liking the person caring has made me into. I've lost who I am.

I know IABU. She is my world & I would do anything for her. So think before you judge me.

OP’s posts: |
thesandwich Thu 15-Apr-21 15:26:56

I’m sorry🌺🌺
Long time carer for elderly dm so I hear you.

otterbaby Thu 15-Apr-21 15:27:10

That must be so difficult for you. But you are an amazing mother for sacrificing so much for your daughter. She is lucky to have you.

Iwonder08 Thu 15-Apr-21 15:27:42

You need a break, OP. Is there anyone at all who can help? Is her father around? No judgement at all, quite the opposite

ponderinginpoughkeepsie Thu 15-Apr-21 15:28:45

You really need and deserve a break. See if there are any respite charities who can help. daffodildaffodil

Stichintime Thu 15-Apr-21 15:30:01

Certainly not judging you for needing a break.

grapewine Thu 15-Apr-21 15:30:03

I feel for you. It must be so hard.

amijustparanoidorjuststoned Thu 15-Apr-21 15:30:06

No judgement at all. This is the perfect place to vent.

I have no words of advice as I can only imagine what you are going through. Someone better advised will come along with some words of wisdom soon.

But you are a superhero flowers

Cactusowl Thu 15-Apr-21 15:30:24

I don’t think anyone will judge, you are exhausted because you care but need a break. flowers

x2boys Thu 15-Apr-21 15:30:59

I hear you ,I have a severely autistic non verbal elevan year old it's hard

oldperson1 Thu 15-Apr-21 15:31:27

💐 so sorry your feeling so down, can’t offer any practical solutions but hope things look better for you soon . It must be extremely hard.

LonginesPrime Thu 15-Apr-21 15:32:11

I hear you, OP. I'm in a similar situation.

Are you in touch with your local carers' centre? Does your council have a carer's' co-ordinator person? They can often help with signposting and extra support.

Has your council stopped providing care to her during Covid? Not short breaks, etc, but regular care?

Has your council carried out a carer's assessment for your needs specifically as DD's carer?

deliciouschilli Thu 15-Apr-21 15:32:12

The "fight or flight" comment really resonated with me. My daughter is just 17 and I don't sleep even when everything is ok because I need to be ready...it's exhausting x

JosephineBaker Thu 15-Apr-21 15:32:58

Vent away, it’s healthy.

flowers It’s a draining and unfairly difficult situation. You have my sympathy and best wishes. I hope there is some respite for you.

Disfordarkchocolate Thu 15-Apr-21 15:33:19

I don't judge you at all. Family members foster a little job with disabilities and I'm in awe of how much the cope with, I'm equally amazed they took this on.

Alonelonelyloner Thu 15-Apr-21 15:34:01

Many years ago I was a respite carer for children and their families and I remember a girl coming into my care for the first time and the parents breaking down as it was the first time they had had time off in 11 years. Their daughter, although a delightful girl, was such incredibly hard work. I had to hold the mum before she got back in their car to drive off and actually just spend some time resting.

YANBU. You cannot work 24/365/14 years without being utterly exhausted mentally/physically./emotionally. Just caring for children with no additional needs is hard enough. Rant and Vent. You need to. And do NOT beat yourself up for being a very human, very loving MUM.

Umbivalent Thu 15-Apr-21 15:34:18

You are not BU, OP. You are a human. I can't help you, all I can do is offer my sympathy and understanding flowers

Milkshake7489 Thu 15-Apr-21 15:36:57

I don't have any practical advice but I'd never judge you for this.

I really hope services resume soon so you can have a well deserved break flowers.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 15-Apr-21 15:37:20

I used to be a SW and I cannot tell you what I feel about carers. You should get bloody honours and free holidays and foot massages all day on us. It's a thankless, constant job and without you the world would be shit for children and adults with additional needs.

I'm sorry you're having an even harder time because of COVID. Feel free to vent.

chickensaresafehere Thu 15-Apr-21 15:37:28

Husband is great,helps out as much as he can. No family to help. Sometimes I think my life would be easier if we separated & shared the caring but it's not what I want as I love him.
Covid has made things worse,but I know it has for everyone.
We are waiting for short break foster carers,social worker is sorting it.
Most support has been cancelled for the summer holidays.
I am dreading it.

OP’s posts: |
RealisticSketch Thu 15-Apr-21 15:37:32

My heart breaks for all in your situation, I think our society just doesn't do anywhere near enough to uphold people in your position and I think it is utterly shameful.
So so sorry all I have to offer is words and empathy when you need so much more. flowers

GrandDuchessRomanov Thu 15-Apr-21 15:41:37

I'm in the same situation OP.

It's a life sentence without any chance of parole.

Keeva2017 Thu 15-Apr-21 15:45:26

Nothing helpful to say other than anyone who judges you for feeling the way you do is just a waste of space.

imsoinmyhead Thu 15-Apr-21 15:45:33

God NO judgement here - just extending sympathy as it must be so hard for you.

chickensaresafehere Thu 15-Apr-21 15:46:05

Thank you for all your kindness.
I'm low at the moment,these school holidays have been particularly hard & I think everything has finally got to me.

OP’s posts: |

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