He has met someone else hasn't he?

(302 Posts)
walkigonsuncc Thu 15-Apr-21 08:04:22

2 months ago (after a awful relationship) I started speaking to a man on tinder.
We exchanged numbers and straight away started speaking a lot.
Before work,during work after work etc.
He added me to Instagram and sometimes we would be chatting at the same time on both.

We had our first date 3 weeks ago after a month of chatting.
It went really well and we never stopped talking and laughing.

Straight after the date he rang me and he we spoke on the phone for a hour and he asked me out Again.
We arranged this Friday,so I booked the table and paid £20 deposit (outdoor drinks ,put they need deposits to secure table )
He was excited and talked about what drinks he fancied.
He was tagging me in posts about the place etc.

He would ring me most days after work for a hour,sometimes twice in one night.
He spoke about how his nephews were going to love me,told me he wanted to come with me whilst I pick a car (as I'm too nice and they will try and rip me off )
He is offered to pick me up from work as my car broke down.
Set an alarm every morning at 4am to text me good morning before my job started.

Last Thursday he text and asked if I wanted to grab a coffee (I said no as I was so busy that day)
He said no problem and was excited for Friday.
I was also so excited.
I thought at last I had met a nice guy.

Then Saturday I felt a change.
He wasn't chatting,no texts,no phone calls.
I tried texting but he would read and not reply for a few hours (I could just tell )
Sunday I spoke about our next date and how we would freeze in the beer garden..he replied ha.
He also was posting topless pics on his insta story (as though he was trying to impress someone )
Then he tagged a girl in his story of a song.

Monday he text "hi sorry I'm not ready to date after my ex broke my heart ,hopefully you understand,can you please delete my number"
I was shocked and text asking what I had done.
He said "it's me not you"
Then I said "you've done a 360 overnight"
He said he hadn't and had been thinking about it for a few days.
Then he blocked me on everything just like that gone.

My gut instinct told me check tinder ..there he was,with new pics (pics he sent me two weeks earlier )
Later in the day his profile was gone.

So my gut says,he started talking to someone new who he obviously preferred..I'm assuming the girl he tagged.
She was tanned,huge boobs,posing on a bed with legs spread etc (so clearly caught his eye )
How intense with me (over 2000 texts in two months ) will be what she's getting.

I'm upset (I know it was only 1 date) but everything was so intense.
Now he's gone just like that.

Aibu to think that's what's happened ?

OP’s posts: |
OolieMacdoolie Thu 15-Apr-21 08:06:12

Sounds like it. Sorry OP, he was a dick to be so intense so early and then just cut it off. The good news is at least it was a lucky escape for you, though it might not feel like it right away flowers

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult Thu 15-Apr-21 08:08:36

Yanbu.

Its really common for guys to lovebomb like that then go cold. Be wary of that intensity in future.

Sorry you're feeling hurt flowers

LakieLady Thu 15-Apr-21 08:09:43

He's a player, you had a narrow escape.

And he's superficial too, if a fake tan and huge (possibly also fake!) tits are more important to him than good conversation and laughs.

I think you dodged a bullet.

walkigonsuncc Thu 15-Apr-21 08:11:07

I feel so stupid.
He told his friends and mum about me so I assumed he liked me.
I took the long convos etc meaning something.
Also he let me pay £20 for a table and then ditch me three days before sad
After having it planned for weeks.

OP’s posts: |
Iremembertheelderlykoreanlady Thu 15-Apr-21 08:13:45

He sounds like a dick but when things move that quickly and things are so intense it's usually a bit of a red flag.

Sorry this has happened but to be honest, topless pics on tinder...sounds like you've had a lucky escape flowers

Pottedpalm Thu 15-Apr-21 08:14:09

Sounds like you had a lucky escape.

LooseLipsSinkShips Thu 15-Apr-21 08:14:27

You can still use the table with someone else.

Vallmo47 Thu 15-Apr-21 08:15:14

I’m sorry you’ve been hurt. Luckily he showed his true colours quite early on. Bring a friend for a drink and have a lovely time. He’s absolutely not worthy of you and thank god you found out this early on. 💗

Briarshollow Thu 15-Apr-21 08:15:21

I dare say he’s met lots of other people. He sounds like for him, it’s all a bit if a game. Lots of (massively) intense contact, knowing that he’s got you where he wants you, then bam. Gone.

You don’t need that. The contact sounded really unhealthy anyway. Find a nice, decent, normal man, set boundaries, and get to know each other slowly.

walkigonsuncc Thu 15-Apr-21 08:15:36

@LooseLipsSinkShips I can't unfortunately as we both took days off work and booked 12pm-3pm as it was fully booked for evening with being first week open.
All my friends are at work and I'm not going on my own.
Never mind tho

OP’s posts: |
letthemwonderhowwegotthisfar Thu 15-Apr-21 08:16:03

Lucky escape you’ve had

In future be wary of someone who starts off so intense

eatsleepread Thu 15-Apr-21 08:16:48

I wish they would teach about lovebombing in schools! grin
It just happens so commonly on MN, with most being completely knocked for six, with zero understanding what's going on.

OP, I'm really sorry this has happened to you, but you must learn from it. Any bloke who does 'future-faking' ("my nephews will love you") after one or two dates is not genuine at all.
I'd also take more of a break from relationships, after having an 'awful' one break down only a couple of months, but that's just me.
Better luck next time OP ... online dating can be brutal, and I do sympathise.

MaMaD1990 Thu 15-Apr-21 08:19:45

Gross - you've had a lucky escape there OP. It's always hard at the start but by God, you'll look back and think "so glad I didn't end up with that prat". Don't let it phase you, there is someone out there for you, you just have to kiss a few frogs along the way unfortunately.

walkigonsuncc Thu 15-Apr-21 08:20:33

To ditch me that fast he must not of actually liked me must he?
Maybe it's for the best if he is that fickle.

OP’s posts: |
stackemhigh Thu 15-Apr-21 08:21:14

Tell him to give you the £20 and you’ll delete his number. Dick.

walkigonsuncc Thu 15-Apr-21 08:22:00

He was even talking about future Xmas presents.
It's a shame as if he had came on second date he would have enjoyed it,I think I'm fun
I had bought a new outfit,I was even prepared to freeze just to look good.

OP’s posts: |
transsloth Thu 15-Apr-21 08:23:52

eatsleepread

I wish they would teach about lovebombing in schools! grin
It just happens so commonly on MN, with most being completely knocked for six, with zero understanding what's going on.

OP, I'm really sorry this has happened to you, but you must learn from it. Any bloke who does 'future-faking' ("my nephews will love you") after one or two dates is not genuine at all.
I'd also take more of a break from relationships, after having an 'awful' one break down only a couple of months, but that's just me.
Better luck next time OP ... online dating can be brutal, and I do sympathise.


OP read this post, and all the others that mention red flags and love bombing. This was not a good man, you have had a lucky escape.

EarringsandLipstick Thu 15-Apr-21 08:24:07

I'm sorry OP & can see why you'd be hurt.

However, the intensity of this behaviour would have run many many bells for me much earlier.

Examples being - he set an alarm for 4am to text you good morning.

I would hate that kind of extreme behaviour. Draw a line under this idiot, but do learn from it in terms of such extreme, intense behaviour & whether that really does have substance.

MaMaD1990 Thu 15-Apr-21 08:24:16

Just because he had acted like a total that, doesn't make you less fun/pretty/smart/lovely to be around. These are HIS failings, not yours - you can hold your head high knowing you are still all of those things (please don't let him feel like you aren't).

MaMaD1990 Thu 15-Apr-21 08:24:35

I meant TWAT not that!

Brieminewine Thu 15-Apr-21 08:25:07

Online dating can be brutal! Sounds very much like he’s met someone else or the ex is back on the scene. Either way he’s a player and you’ve had a lucky escape!

stackemhigh Thu 15-Apr-21 08:25:27

You’ve invested a lot for a second date.

Don’t pay in advance next time. And never be cold for a man.

walkigonsuncc Thu 15-Apr-21 08:27:07

I did something a bit crazy yesterday.
I screenshot his profile (with updated pics )
And text on his phone (only place I wasn't blocked)

Loving your tinder pics,nice to see the pics you sent me came in handy for all your "not ready to date tinder profile"
Take care with a smiling /laughing/rolling eyes face.
He replied .."what you going on about "

I ignored him.

OP’s posts: |
walkigonsuncc Thu 15-Apr-21 08:28:07

I know I invested a lot,probably more than I should of.
Just the way we were,the calling,planning things..I thought he was interested in seeing how we progressed.

OP’s posts: |

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in