To be beautiful?

(589 Posts)
Mindgoneblanko Wed 14-Apr-21 18:37:08

Aibu to want to be beautiful and to wonder what it must be like to be beautiful and know you’re beautiful? How does it feel, if you are?
Have you been aware of having more opportunities in life, people being nicer to you etc, based on your looks, or has it been detrimental in any way?
For the record, I’m not hideous, ok I’d say or was when younger, but definitely not highly attractive/very pretty/beautiful

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FeistySheep Wed 14-Apr-21 18:42:22

Not really beautiful as such I don't think. But when I was younger men were very interested. Totally pointless as their interest presumably wasn't in me as a person but what I looked like - terrible basis for starting a relationship!
It also doesn't help make friends.

I think it's best to be middling, have something attractive about you, but not to be 'beautiful'. Beautiful just attracts a large quantity of useless men!

Mindgoneblanko Wed 14-Apr-21 18:46:53

@FeistySheep But I find that people just gravitate towards better looking people? Even females who want to make friends, it’s an unsaid thing but I do notice people generally suck up to or want to be around great looking people. At school, the beautiful children are often favoured, whether deliberate or not and at work too. My best childhood friend and one of my closest work friends are both way above average in looks and it’s something I’ve definitely observed. It’s true though that they’ve often ended up with wankers and could do much better!

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Tal45 Wed 14-Apr-21 18:51:04

Beauty brings its own share of problems (not that it's a problem I have personally!). It can cause a lot of jealousy and distrust. Aging can also be extremely difficult particularly if you have the worry that everyone only likes you because of the way you look. You then have to work harder and harder and go to more and more extremes to try to keep those looks. It's a bit like having loads of money, you're never know if people genuinely like you and you're always terrified of losing it.
Better to have just enough of each IMO.

Gobbeldegook Wed 14-Apr-21 18:51:52

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

WorraLiberty Wed 14-Apr-21 18:54:09

Threads like this tend to bring all the Samantha Bricks to the yard and you can guarantee they won't have a shred of posting history between them 😁

SummerHouse Wed 14-Apr-21 18:56:08

I know a beautiful person and I have always wanted to ask her but I feel that would put her on the spot. Admit she knows or lie and deny.

<Awaits beautiful person>.

FeistySheep Wed 14-Apr-21 18:56:20

Yes you're right, some men and women gravitate towards beautiful people, but I've never wanted 'friends' like that!
I'd rather have one good husband and a handful of genuine friends, than all the groupies in the world.
I stopped wearing makeup and wearing dressy clothes in my mid twenties and that was hugely helpful in shaking off the irritating men 😆

JustDanceAddict Wed 14-Apr-21 18:59:20

I’d love to know too!
My friend was telling me how she always had a guy lined up when she was younger - I have no idea what that must’ve been like and I would’ve loved to have been able to ‘pick’ rather than get rejected 99% of the time.
I’m sure I would’ve done better job-wise as well as I’d be more confident- I hate job interviews as I’m too self-conscious about my looks etc even as a middle-aged woman.
It’s funny as I’m ‘attracted’ to friends by their personalities totally - when I click w someone it’s nothing to do with looks. It’s much more sense of humour and outlook for me.
A bit different re finding a guy attractive, but I’m Married so I don’t ‘look’ for nice men these days (although a bit of eye candy is always welcome).
Maybe if you’re good looking you have more self-esteem which in turn is attractive (but not too much to make you big headed!).

SpringItIsThen Wed 14-Apr-21 19:00:52

Hmm, shall I admit to being a "beautiful" person who may be accused of stealth-boasting or an "ugly" person who enjoys the virtue and gratification of self-deprecation?

Race to the top or race to the bottom?

<walks off totally undecided>

Mindgoneblanko Wed 14-Apr-21 19:02:26

@SummerHouse My childhood friend was once called ‘The prettiest girl in the school’ she’s still lovely, but not like back then (who is 🤣) I could tell she knew was attractive, but not as much as she actually was?
My work friend grew up with glasses and braces and was quite overweight and sort of blossomed in her late teens, she’s very fine to earth but they must know when they look in the mirror? I mean, if I was Angelina Jolie, I’d love looking at myself and taking pictures of myself 🤣

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mamaatthegym Wed 14-Apr-21 19:02:48

Growing up I was always told I was beautiful - up until the age of about 25 I was stopped in supermarkets and told I was pretty etc. I’m now a bit older and the compliments have stopped.

I think it helped with opportunities but one thing I found in my career was looks really only get you so far - you might get given a job or an opportunity because you’re good looking but if you end up being unreliable or a bit shit the novelty wears off.

My looks also came with downsides - I’ve been judged, people have assumed I am conceited, stuck up and vain before they’ve met me. I had issues in school with bullies (boys) who fancied me so would physically and verbally assault me. I’ve had women in organisations who excluded me because I was younger and prettier. I’ve been told I must dress for male attention. I’ve also been sent drinks to my table by men whilst out at a work function - I just wanted to hide, felt really awkward!

Looking at my life now I don’t think my looks have ended up giving me any particular advantage or disadvantage. I think it’s all about your drive and determination. Many models and actresses are quite average looking but saw the goal and went for it.

You make your own luck!

OrangeRug Wed 14-Apr-21 19:03:41

WorraLiberty

Threads like this tend to bring all the Samantha Bricks to the yard and you can guarantee they won't have a shred of posting history between them 😁

Oh my god I forgot about her 😂😂

Mindgoneblanko Wed 14-Apr-21 19:04:03

*Down to earth

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SchrodingersImmigrant Wed 14-Apr-21 19:04:51

I think the gravitating towards beautiful (which is sibjective anyway) is an instinct. Like brain doing "oh look. Good genes there. Mate?"

DrSbaitso Wed 14-Apr-21 19:05:09

I have a friend who is uncommonly beautiful. She's happily married with a child now, but my God the things she had to go through to get there. Men may have appeared on the surface to treat her well but actually they treated her like shit.

I'm not "beautiful" but a few years ago, after I lost weight, had a couple of minor procedures and started dressing well, I did find people treated me better, men and women. But I think it was my improved confidence and self worth, because while the difference was startling if you saw it, the basics were still there. I got more polished but I didn't morph. Being more confident and happy in myself made me more fun to be around and I was just better at interacting.

the80sweregreat Wed 14-Apr-21 19:06:16

I'm not beautiful and never have been. I
Was told I have a ' symmetrical face ' once. Good as it ever got.
I would love to be beautiful and slim for a day. Just to experience it smile

SchrodingersImmigrant Wed 14-Apr-21 19:07:36

I also believe that lots of beauty comes from self care.
I was in demand when i was young. I took care of myself. Then i had a period when i didn't really and demand was gone.

It's the thing that if you obviously value yourself, others will value you too imho. Even if you are not whoever you think is the most beautiful person

SchrodingersImmigrant Wed 14-Apr-21 19:08:19

the80sweregreat

I'm not beautiful and never have been. I
Was told I have a ' symmetrical face ' once. Good as it ever got.
I would love to be beautiful and slim for a day. Just to experience it smile

I wish. I assume glasses wouldn't be such pita then😂

Cam2020 Wed 14-Apr-21 19:08:35

Threads like this tend to bring all the Samantha Bricks to the yard and you can guarantee they won't have a shred of posting history between them 😁.

Samantha Brick 😂

I have a friend who is pretty but not beautiful, but she gets a lot of attention - both from men chatting her up and women and girls who want to be her friend. She is the loveliest person and really, really good fun. Her personality just seems to radiate from her. I've got beautiful friends who have not had half the attention she gets. Shes also had her fair share of jealous bitches who have treated her awfully.

IrishGirl2020 Wed 14-Apr-21 19:11:59

I had a very beautiful friend when I was teenage. She got loads of unwanted male attention and lots of the nice guys were intimated by both her looks and the attention she got and never asked her out. She had very few female friends as many girls were jealous of her and consequently she found it difficult to integrate and relate to large groups of girls e.g. at school etc.
I became friends with her through a mutual hobby and otherwise we would probably never have become friends.
Anyway looking like she did just seemed like a real nuisance tbh and ever since I’ve been glad to just be fairly averagely pretty

anxietyanonymous Wed 14-Apr-21 19:12:59

I think its important to not rely on it if you are as it makes the whole hitting 35 and becoming invisible thing even harder i'd imagine.

People have generally always behaved to me as if they find me attractive. And made those sort of noises. At times unwanted attention but that wanes a bit as you age. As a result i am very confident in how i look and dress although woefully lacking confidence in other areas.

Today i was asked to be one of the faces of the company on a promotional photoshoot thing. And it was quite blatant it was about having the right look. I actually hate that sort of thing but am New in the job so felt pressure to please. That sort of thing happens a bit to be picked out because of it. Which is nice. But probably frustrating if you dont get taken seriously because of it as well.

I have also found it useful/helpful at times-but also a disadvantage at times. Just like any 'skill' or asset i guess.

Maddox33 Wed 14-Apr-21 19:13:06

It's a chore, let me tell you. I am constantly fending off amorous advances from both men and women and that's just when I'm walking the dog in my anorak and wellies. When I'm dressed up on a night out, I almost need a bodyguard to protect me from the dozens of admirers wanting to talk to me.

The above might not be true

the80sweregreat Wed 14-Apr-21 19:13:14

The symmetrical face thing was a bit of back handed compliment! 😂
( you take what you can get when your ordinary looking though !)
Nobody says anything nowadays : I wear my masks with pride.

Pedalpushers Wed 14-Apr-21 19:13:59

I've never been the best looking of any group I'm in but I'm attractive enough, I've always found that I get more attention than my extremely attractive friends, I think once you pass a level you attract jealousy or become intimidating. I do think I've been treated better as a possibly 'above average' looking person, but if you don't have the self confidence to go with it it can create issues.

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