Adult son pushing my patience to the limit.

(145 Posts)
Welshgal78 Wed 14-Apr-21 18:03:32

I'm seriously at the end of my tether! Just had another massive row with my ds (20) he's being incredibly inconsiderate and selfish at the moment, making lots of noise every night til gone 5am, chatting to his American friends on-line

Just now he handed me ear plugs he'd ordered online, I shouldn't need ear plugs in my own home, because of my own ds, I've had to use them in the past because of inconsiderate neighbours who don't care, but I feel like my ds should care that he's waking me up early hours almost every night because he's too lazy to type to his friends instead of talking (loudly)

I tried to compromise with him and said please no noise after 2:30am on weekdays, I thought that was more than fair, but now he's stormed off to his room again telling me I'm being unreasonable. He's 20 not 2 but it feels like these days the only person he cares about is himself.

OP’s posts: |
FionnulaTheCooler Wed 14-Apr-21 18:05:54

YANBU. Your house, your rules. If he doesn't like it he's old enough to get a job and find a place to rent, or a room in a flat share.

Pupster21 Wed 14-Apr-21 18:06:40

Your only unreasonable behaviour is saying no noise after 2.30am. You shouldn’t be compromising on sleep for an adult son. No noise after 11pm or he moves out to where he can make noise. If he was in a houseshare as I was at that age he wouldn’t get away with such noise after 11.

CoraPirbright Wed 14-Apr-21 18:06:40

Does he work?

ProfessorSillyStuff Wed 14-Apr-21 18:07:38

Good grief. Learn how to set a timer on the Internet router, and phone etc confiscated at the front door.

SewingWarriorQueen76 Wed 14-Apr-21 18:08:45

Turn off the WiFi. If he's behaving like a Pre teen, treat him like one. If he doesn't like it, perhaps you suggest he find somewhere that does.

Sleepisoverrated150 Wed 14-Apr-21 18:08:48

What no noise after 11pm is reasonable.

Does he sleep in by any chance? Can you start vacuuming at 7am and do some loud cleaning. He might need the shoe to be on the other foot to click he’s being a douche

EileenGC Wed 14-Apr-21 18:10:19

What’s his status? Studying, working?

If he’s studying, he’s welcome to find a house share with other people at uni who will put up with his 5am noise. He can get a maintenance loan and a part-time job to pay his rent.

If he’s working, he can get his own place where he can make noise until 5am. Or a house share of working young people who will put up with that (highly unlikely he’ll find one).

If none of the above, he needs to start doing something with his life that is a) providing him with the means to move out soon-ish and b) not disrupting your sleep.

BrumBoo Wed 14-Apr-21 18:10:40

Is there a particular reason he's still at home? Because barring very good reason, I'd give him notice to leave (and I'm usually not one to say that). Being an inconsiderate arse is one thing, but the ear plugs would have been the last straw.

Bellyundertit Wed 14-Apr-21 18:12:04

Give him a hug.

HollowTalk Wed 14-Apr-21 18:14:56

It's time for him to look for his own place, isn't it? He wants to live a lifestyle that's incompatible with virtually anyone. If he was in a flatshare then staying up that late would piss a lot of them off, too.

Does he work? Is he a student?

unfortunateevents Wed 14-Apr-21 18:15:58

How many American friends does he have that he is chatting to them all night every night?! What time does he get up? Does he not have a job or study?

thatwasme22 Wed 14-Apr-21 18:16:52

Always baffles me threads like this on mn. If I'd pulled this at 18 I'd have being out. He is an adult man, not 13. If he cannot behave ask him to go.

And why are you even asking aibu? You know the answer-there is no grey area in threads like this.

InsanelyPregnantAndSore Wed 14-Apr-21 18:21:56

‘You are a twenty year old adult man. Either you live by my rules or you move out and get your own place!’

iklboo Wed 14-Apr-21 18:22:02

* Give him a hug.*

Come again?

abeanbaked Wed 14-Apr-21 18:27:17

You asked for no noise after 2.30 AM? Jesus. Does he work? If he's able to stay up until 5am then what sort of time does he rise in the morning?confused

grapewine Wed 14-Apr-21 18:31:17

InsanelyPregnantAndSore

‘You are a twenty year old adult man. Either you live by my rules or you move out and get your own place!’

This. I'd be damned if I'd tolerate noise until 2.30am on a weekday. Why are you even suggesting so late?

Geordieoldgirl Wed 14-Apr-21 18:31:29

YANBU! He’s being unbelievably entitled and unreasonable! Hope you can get him to see sense and develop some consideration.

JackieTheFart Wed 14-Apr-21 18:31:54

I'd be telling him unless he shows some basic consideration you'll be taking the router to bed with you, and if that happens before he's finished then tough tits.

SarahBellam Wed 14-Apr-21 18:32:34

He needs to leave home. Your lifestyles are no longer compatible.

LucilleTheVampireBat Wed 14-Apr-21 18:33:38

I wouldn't accept this from a 14 year old, let alone a grown adult. For gods sake woman up!

KatherineJaneway Wed 14-Apr-21 18:34:35

He needs to move out

Franklyfrost Wed 14-Apr-21 18:35:42

Give him a hug and write up some house rules together. If he doesn’t stick to them he can leave.

grapewine Wed 14-Apr-21 18:36:44

What's with the hugging? The son is being an entitled git.

Umbivalent Wed 14-Apr-21 18:38:08

Wouldn't it be terrible if there was a mysterious fault with your wi-fi tonight?

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