To be miffed at all the presents for being a wife and mother

(532 Posts)
Creamcustards Tue 13-Apr-21 21:55:56

Inspired by the baby shower thread.

What is it that makes us ‘reward’ getting married and having children with money and gifts?! I mean, surely the joy of the marriage / the child is enough!?

Yes, I am single and childfree. Maybe a little bit bitter?!! When I get a pet or a new job or there some other happy event in my life I don’t get showered with gifts / money!

Grr.

OP’s posts: |
Boom45 Tue 13-Apr-21 21:56:58

People get presents from people that love them just for getting a year older too. Grrr.

iMatter Tue 13-Apr-21 21:58:25

I'm guessing you don't accept birthday gifts/cards (for simply living a year longer)

Creamcustards Tue 13-Apr-21 21:58:49

I want to say “lighthearted” ..... but it’s kind of not!! I’m not materialistic... I just feel sad and aggrieved that some life choices are valued/celebrated more than others.

OP’s posts: |
OolieMacdoolie Tue 13-Apr-21 21:59:08

I don’t disagree in an intellectual sense, but equally it took cutting through 7 layers of my abdomen for my baby to enter this world, so I do feel that I deserve warm wishes and presents grin

(Your point is fair though. I once teamed up with some friends to buy a pal a kitchen aid when she got a big promotion because she had previously complained that people only got them as gifts when they got married. It should be a more common tradition!)

Merryoldgoat Tue 13-Apr-21 21:59:13

Ffs. It’s a celebration. People like to celebrate stuff. I buy gifts for people all the time and receive them too. It’s just nice.

Creamcustards Tue 13-Apr-21 21:59:39

Thanks for the growl @Boom45 grin

I mean fair point about birthdays I guess.

OP’s posts: |
Merryoldgoat Tue 13-Apr-21 22:00:19

And I got my kitchen aid for my birthday.

Rooandrose Tue 13-Apr-21 22:00:28

To answer your question, It’s expensive to have children so traditionally people have given a newly wed couple, or new parents a bit of cash before they inevitably start spending all their cash on baby related things!
Likewise gifts, it’s a way of showing support for the love and bond of the family.

This is different to when someone has done well at a job. A new job is something that also deserves celebrating but doesn’t actually make sense to congratulate someone for their new job by giving them cash?

I once had a friend who constantly moaned about her friends baby showers and hen doos and said it was really her who should be showered with gifts because she was the only single one. It made her sound bitter. Being happy for someone who has what you want is a way of telling the universe you can also have that joy in your life too.

Thatswhatmamasaid Tue 13-Apr-21 22:01:22

I'm married with DC but I hate weddings and baby showers 🤷‍♀️.

KoalaOok Tue 13-Apr-21 22:02:22

I buy family members a new mug or a bunch of flowers when they start a new job.

KoalaOok Tue 13-Apr-21 22:02:45

Oh! And something for any new pets.

Ilovemaisie Tue 13-Apr-21 22:02:55

If you were my friend and you got a new pet I would probably go a bit crazy in Pets at Home for you. Unless you got a snake because sorry....friendship over grin

Foolintherain Tue 13-Apr-21 22:03:17

You sound very bitter.

PurpleSproutingSomething Tue 13-Apr-21 22:03:17

OolieMacdoolie

I don’t disagree in an intellectual sense, but equally it took cutting through 7 layers of my abdomen for my baby to enter this world, so I do feel that I deserve warm wishes and presents grin

(Your point is fair though. I once teamed up with some friends to buy a pal a kitchen aid when she got a big promotion because she had previously complained that people only got them as gifts when they got married. It should be a more common tradition!)

At first I read this as you'd bought your friend a kitchen!

Rooandrose Tue 13-Apr-21 22:04:22

I would buy someone a gift or flowers to say congratulations for a new job. I think the issue here is you may be fed up of seeing baby showers and engagements, and noticing the praise people receive for them.

Creamcustards Tue 13-Apr-21 22:04:52

Aww lovely to hear some of you buy pet/ job gifts! That makes me happy tbugrin

OP’s posts: |
Littlepaws18 Tue 13-Apr-21 22:05:07

Depends what your motivation is. I don't think I've heard anyone say they are having a baby for the presents! It's a celebration and people offer a token to celebrate.

Ylvamoon Tue 13-Apr-21 22:08:38

There are many "nonsense" things that are celebrated.

Other things like birthday, weddings or Giving birth are a way of sharing an event with friends and family.
If by default I receive a present, I 's think that's lovely, but I never take it for granted.

SuperCaliFragalistic Tue 13-Apr-21 22:09:22

I dont really give presents for these sorts of occasions because I really dislike the grasping nature of baby showers and the self-congratulatory vibe of hen dos and 90% of weddings BUT I put a lot of thought and effort into the gifts I do give and I often give presents to people for no reason at all - my niece and nephew, my family and close friends and I always aim for making people feel loved, rather than adding to a pile of stuff that people accumulate on certain occasions.

VestaTilley Tue 13-Apr-21 22:10:53

Being a mother is bone shatteringly hard.

There can never be enough gifts to throw in to the void in our souls that exist in most women after we become mothers.

YABVU.

BakeOffRewatch Tue 13-Apr-21 22:11:36

You may enjoy this article OP @Creamcustards www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/oct/04/i-married-myself-wedding

lazylinguist Tue 13-Apr-21 22:11:43

Having a child is not comparable with getting a pet or a new job. And I say that as someone with very much loved pets. Like a lot of people, I didn't have baby showers. The presents I received on the birth of my dc were for the babies really, not me. Except the beautiful necklace that dh gave me (in part because he'd watched the traumatic process of me giving birth to his children, which tbh was pretty unlike buying a dog).

DilemmaADay Tue 13-Apr-21 22:12:29

UANBU OP! I've been on both sides being single for years and watching coupled up friends getting engagement gifts/engagement parties/hen dos/wedding gifts/baby showers/baby gifts/anniversary gifts etc, was always pretty rubbish and it felt like single people got nothing.

Now married with DC and stepDC, I always make sure my single friends get treated too.

Sparklfairy Tue 13-Apr-21 22:12:57

There was an episode of Sex and the City which covered exactly this.

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