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AIBU?

Husband won't share things with me

144 replies

Roomuma · 13/04/2021 19:29

Dh said he won't share the netflix password with me because I'm a 'blabber mouth'.
This led onto him saying that he doesn't share loads of things with me because he worries I'll talk about it with someone else.
I am quite an open person with certain people (best friends, my mum etc.) and he is not like this. However when he asks me to keep things private I do try my best, a couple of times I have accidentally let small things slip but these have been genuine mistakes. I supposed this is what he means by blabber mouth and I understand how he feels but all the same I feel like I'm being treated like a child.

OP posts:

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Am I being unreasonable?

657 votes. Final results.

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You are being unreasonable

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You are NOT being unreasonable

27%

Zarinea · 13/04/2021 19:34

I'd be really upset if I told DH something in confidence and he told a single other person.

If 'doing your best' means telling other people things he has told you in confidence, you need to do better.

I would be worried about sharing private things with you if you have a history of betraying trust. And it would affect our marriage.

Leeds2 · 13/04/2021 19:37

I would actually struggle to be with someone who I couldn't 100% trust to keep confidences.
But, in your position, I would be irritated if my DH wouldn't share the Netflix password with me.

Shoxfordian · 13/04/2021 19:38

It doesn’t sound like he’s wrong
Would you go sharing the password with everyone?

Butchyrestingface · 13/04/2021 19:39

Dh said he won't share the netflix password with me because I'm a 'blabber mouth'.

You need to work on not being an indiscreet blabber mouth and he needs to work on not being a petty, controlling arsehole.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 13/04/2021 19:43

I'd treat somebody like you if they were my partner on a strictly need to know basis.

And I'd definitely not give them the Netflix password, knowing they'd tell half their family 'oh, we've got Netflix - here's the password so you can use it, too' - meaning I'd then be paying to not be able to access anything because they'd all the watching it every night (and also risk Netflix's crackdown on fraudulent usage meaning my account is deleted).

user143677433 · 13/04/2021 19:43

Does he think you’d going to share the password about? Is that something you are likely to do?

It’s strange context. It sounds like he’s accusing you of being a gossip, but a password isn’t exactly something you gossip about.

Umbivalent · 13/04/2021 19:45

However when he asks me to keep things private I do try my best, a couple of times I have accidentally let small things slip but these have been genuine mistakes

I had a friend who was like you. It drove me up the wall. And you're only telling us about the times you think are worth mentioning...

He may be in the wrong here, but the thing is that you just don't care enough to keep your mouth shut about things he has specificall asked you not to talk about...

Bagelsandbrie · 13/04/2021 19:46

Well would you share the password with someone else? Otherwise it’s weird he’s not sharing it with you.

But yes on the face of it it does seem like he has a point... if something is private / given in confidence you don’t share it with anyone, full stop.

user1493413286 · 13/04/2021 19:47

Problem is that you say it yourself that you’ve told people things that you weren’t supposed to.
Netflix password is a bit of a random thing to keep from you though.

Umbivalent · 13/04/2021 19:48

Why do you even need to know the Netflix password? Once he's logged you in on the TV or computer, you're sorted.

Why do you need it?

Fattyboomboom77 · 13/04/2021 19:48

If he's told you things in confidence you aren't being very respectful by telling people are you.

oblada · 13/04/2021 19:48

What were the small things you 'let slip'?
What do you mean by 'trying your best'? Surely if something is said in confidence it shouldn't be shared. It's not rocket science. I would normally share everything with my DH so unless someone has made clear he shouldn't know/it would be betraying their trust or then I may tell him (and I'd expect the same with most long term couples) but I'd have no reason to disclose his secrets to others. Relationships are built on trust.

Umbivalent · 13/04/2021 19:49

I am quite an open person with certain people (best friends, my mum etc.)

I mean, this sounds like a nightmare. I bet you tell all these other people about your arguments, his health issues, what someone said/did to him at work, his weight problem, etc etc...

MichelleScarn · 13/04/2021 19:49

What type of things have you shared? Random little daft things or private personal things about his health, work ?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 13/04/2021 19:49

"try my best" is never the best. Usually not even good.

Unfortunately, yabu in this. Case. He can't trust you. I agree with pp that if I couldn't trust my partner keeping things in confidence it would be affecting my marriage

Umbivalent · 13/04/2021 19:50

And then, even when he has asked you not to, you blabber to them about his private stuff!

MichelleScarn · 13/04/2021 19:50

And saying 'I try my best' is a cop out.

ScaryMimeker · 13/04/2021 19:51

Depends what you have let slip. I'm a very private person and would be furious if DH shared something about me I'd told him not too.

LostwithJin · 13/04/2021 19:53

I wouldn't tell you anything either.
Who wants their partner spilling the beans on their life to their MIL or neighbour.

Tal45 · 13/04/2021 19:53

I don't think it's a great relationship if he doesn't even trust you with the netflix password :-O

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 13/04/2021 19:54

Try harder

Insomnia5 · 13/04/2021 19:54

He’s specifically told you things in confidence and asked you to keep them (which he shouldn’t have to do ffs), and you’ve told people anyway?! You’re not ‘trying your best’, you’re a fucking gossip op, betraying your husbands trust. Grow up.

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Umbivalent · 13/04/2021 19:55

@Tal45

I don't think it's a great relationship if he doesn't even trust you with the netflix password :-O

I don't think it's a great relationship if OP can't even be trusted with the Netflix password...

Insomnia5 · 13/04/2021 19:55

@Leeds2

I would actually struggle to be with someone who I couldn't 100% trust to keep confidences.
But, in your position, I would be irritated if my DH wouldn't share the Netflix password with me.

I would actually leave someone over this, I absolutely detest people like the op.

Livpool · 13/04/2021 19:55

I am a chatterbox but have never shared things about my DH (stuff he would only share with me) with anyone else. I think it is a cop out to say you 'try your best'. I wouldn't tell you anything either

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