Am I mad to want another baby before leaving my husband?

(305 Posts)
DisneyBaby Mon 12-Apr-21 00:07:21

My husband and I have been very up and down throughout our whole relationship, he's always been lazy and not much help around the house, he has a gambling problem which has resulted in trust issues and he can have a bit of a temper with me at times too.
We have been together 10 years, married 4 and have a 15 month old daughter. I have always wanted 3/4 children close together in age so they would have a close bond like my sisters and I had growing up. But I am now pretty certain after deliberating about it for several years, that I want to leave my husband. I do believe I can do better, and a lot of friends and family have told me the same.
I worry that I wouldn't meet someone new straight away and I think about my daughter growing up with no siblings close in age, and it makes me think... Should I just stay for a few months longer and have baby number two so that my daughter will have a playmate, or is that totally stupid? As much as I would love another baby myself, this decision is more based around her, if I were to be a single Mum she wouldn't have someone else to play with at home and that breaks my heart.. Surely I can't be the only person who has thought or planned such a thing??? Am I crazy?

OP’s posts: |
StylishMummy Mon 12-Apr-21 00:09:44

Christ that's totally stupid, the sooner you up and leave, the more chance you have of your daughter growing up in a good atmosphere and with a supportive mum, rather than parents who hate each other and have 2 kids to deal with.

There's no guarantee that siblings will be close - it's a fantasy. Leave and get happy, then find someone else

daisypond Mon 12-Apr-21 00:10:37

Don’t do that. It’s a horrible thing to do.

user1473878824 Mon 12-Apr-21 00:12:07

That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.

grapewine Mon 12-Apr-21 00:13:09

No way to be sure siblings will even get on. Really stupid idea.

piglet81 Mon 12-Apr-21 00:13:40

I’m sorry you’re in a bad position, but you must know this is a really bad idea.

Wolfiefan Mon 12-Apr-21 00:14:01

Yep. Awful idea.

pipsqueakbollock Mon 12-Apr-21 00:14:33

I don't think you're crazy. Your life doesn't sound easy so I get that there's no easy path to tread so in for a dollar......

Single mum of one is no different to single mum of two.

AhNowTed Mon 12-Apr-21 00:14:58

I understand you're wanting another baby but this would honestly be madness, unless you can financially support being a single parent to two small children.

Do you have the financial means to do this?

Notapheasantplucker Mon 12-Apr-21 00:14:59

I wouldn't if I were you.

Happycat1212 Mon 12-Apr-21 00:15:43

Wow.

PrincessTuna Mon 12-Apr-21 00:15:55

Its pretty dishonest, assuming your partner doesnt know you plan to leave.

Being a single parent isnt a walk in the park, and coparenting is years of headfuckery. I would advise against it.

SleepingStandingUp Mon 12-Apr-21 00:16:04

What if r doesn't take a few months? You could be there years thinking next month it'll work... How many times are you going to force yourself to have sex with someone you dislike? Do you think it's fair to make him think the relationship is good as you suggest trying for another baby, only to dump him the second you're pregnant and him them being left only able to see baby for moments here and there because newborns need to be with their mother? Or do you intend to just fuck him and lie about TTC?

No.

If you're unhappy, leave. So she might end up an only child, that doesn't have to be a bad thing

MintyCedric Mon 12-Apr-21 00:17:36

I hate to say this but presumably you're working on the assumption you'll have a straightforward pregnancy and healthy baby.

Life doesn't always work like that and then where will you be?

Having siblings is not the be all and end all of existence. Your daughter will still have playmates...they just won't live in the same house or be related. It's not essential

Trustisamust Mon 12-Apr-21 00:18:15

How old are you, OP?

Lou98 Mon 12-Apr-21 00:18:28

I can understand the want, however, I think it would be incredibly selfish to plan a baby knowing in advance you're going to leave their dad.

It's also very manipulative making your husband think you want a baby with him to then leave him. Can you imagine the comments on a thread posted by him saying he wanted to manipulate his partner in to a baby before leaving.

There's also no guarantee that it would only be "a few months". What if it takes years? How long would you stay to try?

Sunhoop Mon 12-Apr-21 00:18:36

You really are crazy! I understand the sentiment but it's plain wrong in every which way.

Being a single mother will be SO much easier with one child. You'll get more of a break as people are always willing to look after one child, not so much two. It will be much more manageable financially and you'll probably be a better mother. I was a great, thoroughly engaged mother of one child - it all went to shit with no2.

Children almost always bicker when they're young and it is EXHAUSTING. They may really dislike each other and you'll have no extra pair of hands to help mediate drag them away from each other

Not to mention it's incredibly dishonest to do this to your husband even if he is an arse.

GroggyLegs Mon 12-Apr-21 00:18:47

You don't want this man in your life, why on earth would you chose him for your child?!

It's a terrible idea.

daisypond Mon 12-Apr-21 00:18:55

It’s more than dishonest. It’s abusive and profoundly selfish. How would any child born under such circumstances feel?

Trustisamust Mon 12-Apr-21 00:19:33

@pipsqueakbollock Well it certainly is financially at the very least?

SchrodingersImmigrant Mon 12-Apr-21 00:20:06

As much as I would love another baby myself, this decision is more based around her, if I were to be a single Mum she wouldn't have someone else to play with at home and that breaks my heart

You know that's just you trying to explain your own wantconfused

Honestly, the fact that you are able to have kids, doesn't mean you should!

WilsonMilson Mon 12-Apr-21 00:21:22

One of the stupidest, and very selfish, posts I’ve read on here. Crazy.

Footloosefancyfree Mon 12-Apr-21 00:23:45

Wtf confused

sst1234 Mon 12-Apr-21 00:24:21

Selfless mother of the year award goes to.....

lms2017 Mon 12-Apr-21 00:26:30

There's hundreds of children out there needing adoption .

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