Cousins crappy gifts

[Babygotblueyes]

I have a cousin the same age as me. Her parents divorced when she was young (like mine). Unlike mine, hers both kept contact and spent years trying to spoil her more than the other. She has a long history of giving me (and my sister) really cheap and nasty gifts - like, tat from the market, free branded stuff she has been given at conferences. If she was cheap with everyone, I wouldnt mind, but she gives lovely presents to my parents, and boasts about how much she has spent on her only daughter and on herself. So, it was my birthday a few days ago and I got a box of chocolates from her, (and according the to note her child and their partner - her child is late 20s and has never bought anyone except her mother a present in her life). The box is tiny, like the ones you can add to a bouquet or other gift as a small addition. I've seen it online, it costs £5. And no, before you ask, she is not furloughed, is in a secure job, owns a house in London with a tiny mortgage, and has professional job with a lucrative second income coming in.

So, here is my question. She and child have birthdays coming up, which she is always very careful to call and drop hints about. I usually send them both a thoughtful gift and now the childs partner too. But for some reason this time, I am really annoyed at this.

So, heres my question - should I rise above it again and do what I usually do, or send her and child a similar box? Or send the same kind of box to all 3 of them?

YABU - rise above it and be the better person.
YANBU - send the same kind of box back to them.

[stonebrambleboy]

YANBU Send the same kind of box back to them.

[Cocogreen]

Absolutely just send a gift back of the same value. YANBU.

[madrose]

chuck a fiver in a card - job done!

[Changingwiththetimes]

Why on earth do you exchange presents at all?
I used to send my cousin's kids presents every Christmas. One year she called at Easter to say that she knew I'd sent something but as they had so much couldn't remember what but thanks anyway! Needless to say that's the last time I sent them anything. She never ever sent my kids (born after this) anything.
Just send her a token. And her child, though really once people reach adulthood they shouldn't expect anything.

[Aprilshowersandhail]

Regift it. Most definitely do it.

[denverRegina]

Why are you buying cousins gifts anyway? Of course she's going to buy lovely things for herself and her daughter, but you're just her cousin!

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

If she says anything, you can say you liked them, thought it was a good idea to cut back, anything really.

[Babygotblueyes]

@Changingwiththetimes - because she always makes such a big deal about presents - she used to make a real performance of coming over before Christmas to drop off the presents (and get hers). And I would really struggle to be empty handed - and my mum has always felt very sorry for her and would be upset.

[Notapheasantplucker]

Yeah, give them something shit back.

[SappysCurry]

Get temporary amnesia

[Janaih]

Just send a card. A 29p one from card factory.

[JustAddCoffee91]

Yeah I'd wrap up a tube of smarties and have done with it

[LemonRoses]

Personally, I give presents for my pleasure not necessarily as a bargaining tool. If you want to give, give, regardless of what you might receive in return. If you choose not to, that’s your right too.

[SappysCurry]

She’s a piss taker OP
Up to you how you deal with that
29p card factory card is ....appropriate

[Babygotblueyes]

@LemonRoses

Personally, I give presents for my pleasure not necessarily as a bargaining tool. If you want to give, give, regardless of what you might receive in return. If you choose not to, that’s your right too.

Well, I do too usually but after a lifetime of her taking the piss, I am finding my ability to do this depleted. Not sure why you think I am bargaining here. You sound a bit preachy.

[KoalaOok]

If she wasn't dropping hints then I'd assume she was trying to hint to you that you didn't have to spend as much. But she is so I would definitely send something of equal value for all of their birthdays.

[Daydrambeliever]

Just stop sending gifts to randomers. I don't even know my cousin's child's partner let alone picking out gifts for them. Honestly, just say for environmental reasons you will be making donations instead of gifting.

[Babygotblueyes]

Yes, @KoalaOok - she will also let it be known if she is not happy with the gift you get her.

[Justilou1]

Start returning the favour. In fact, when she’s dropping hints, say “Are you fucking kidding? You keep buying me shitty, cheap gifts, and think I haven’t noticed? Forget it!”

[EveryDayIsADuvetDay]

the "cheap gifts" aren't a one off - just buy gifts of a similar value if you want to give a gift and not feel aggrieved about the inequality of gifts.

because she always makes such a big deal about presents - receiving more than giving clearly

[Baublebox]

@LemonRoses

Personally, I give presents for my pleasure not necessarily as a bargaining tool. If you want to give, give, regardless of what you might receive in return. If you choose not to, that’s your right too.

But there is no pleasure in choosing and giving s thoughtful gift to someone who doesn't give you any thought at all.

YANBU send a box of chocs and have done.

[Gustavo1]

Just give wine. Keep a stash of wines bought when they’re on offer and dole those out.
If there are any noises about not liking it or preferring something else just smile and say something non committal and carry on regardless!

I’d usually say it’s the thought that counts and agree that one doesn’t give to receive but I think that goes to pot when you’re being made a mug of!

[KoalaOok]

@Babygotblueyes

Yes, *@KoalaOok* - she will also let it be known if she is not happy with the gift you get her.

Wow! That's awful! If she kicks up a fuss I'd just be honest and say you thought you were doing cheaper gifts now as you keep getting cheap gifts.

[KoalaOok]

Or maybe say you're only doing gifts for the children now? Although if they are 20 they are an adult really.

[Babygotblueyes]

@KoalaOok - say you thought you were doing cheaper gifts now as you keep getting cheap gifts

genius!