Ex says he has stress induced heart problem and therefore I must book children's activities for his contact time

(352 Posts)
SeriouslyAreYouSerious Sun 11-Apr-21 08:20:18

Ex wants me to make bookings for him at local leisure centre because he says he can't work their website. I don't want to because:

A) the activity is quite expensive and ex is slow and unreliable about sending money

B) I have all the dc full time (ex has once a month supervised contact court ordered) and it's quite full on, I just don't need another thing to be responsible for and spend time on

C) I don't want to be responsible for getting the right booking - it tends to book up fast and I would have to have much contact with ex over arranging it, possibly live while booking it, and I try to minimise contact with him as much as possible (he is neither nice nor reasonable)

I have therefore said no, I am sure the leisure centre people can help him with whatever issues he has with the website.

He has sent an email telling me he has a heart condition which is caused by stress and heart break, and that smoking doesn't help and he smokes more when he is stressed, therefore I must do the booking for him 'for the children'. AIBU to completely ignore this and think it is emotional manipulation? He has smoked, eaten huge amounts of sat fat and red meat, not taken any meaningful exercise for decades (since long before we even met), none of which is my responsibility and all of which will have caused his heart condition - not me or his 'broken heart'?

OP’s posts: |
Sirzy Sun 11-Apr-21 08:23:14

If he can’t figure out how to book something online or ask someone to help him then that’s his problem not yours!

If trying to book an activity makes him so ill then I would ask him if he is healthy enough for unsupervised contact.

Rainbowqueeen Sun 11-Apr-21 08:23:17

So he has very limited time with his kids and wants them to do an activity during that time instead of being with them?
Let him do it himself

MiddleParking Sun 11-Apr-21 08:23:34

YANBU to ignore him, at all.

smoking doesn't help and he smokes more when he is stressed, therefore I must do the booking for him


GladysTheGroovyMule Sun 11-Apr-21 08:26:54

grin I really do marvel at the cheek of these piss takers.

And no, you definitely shouldn’t be booking this stuff for him which you know already but I get why you ask. My ex is also a lifelong piss taker and I have to check with other people occasionally to make sure I’m actually right. He's played me that well over the years...

ThisIsMeOrIsIt Sun 11-Apr-21 08:26:56

YANBU. It's sad he has a heart condition but there's no reason he has to go to the leisure centre for his contact time. He could take them to the park or for a walk or to his house. If it's too much for him to book he needs to think of something else.

I'd probably say help him if he had the children more, but once a month isn't exactly hard to think of activities.

And as for saying smoking makes it worse and he smokes more when he's stressed... Another reason not be booking for the leisure centre if it makes him that stressed.

CongealedCrags Sun 11-Apr-21 08:27:53

And yet you say the marriage was not a success? grin

Would you book it if he gave you the money upfront and he agreed to go, whatever slot you could get? Or is this an example of his usual useless twattiness and another reason why he should be drop kicked into the swimming pool fully dressed?

AnneLovesGilbert Sun 11-Apr-21 08:28:21

He’s pitiful. Keep ignoring him.

TheUndoingProject Sun 11-Apr-21 08:29:13

Hahahah chancer. Tell him you’d hate to get stressed yourself and develop a heart condition so you can’t possibly help.

Lassy1945 Sun 11-Apr-21 08:29:50

Once a month supervised contact?

Who supervises?
How long does he have them for?
Why is it supervised court ordered?

LeroyJenkinssss Sun 11-Apr-21 08:31:18

Oh I’m sorry you have to deal with him but that is glorious! It’s just so utterly ridiculous that grown adults think that this is acceptable. ‘For the children’ indeed.

Lassy1945 Sun 11-Apr-21 08:32:37

Supervised court ordered access is mainly for when a parents past behaviour leads to serious concern re their ability to care for their children.

So perhaps activity canpsbmay be best for them. However he transfers money before booking

rainbowthoughts Sun 11-Apr-21 08:33:47

He has sent an email telling me he has a heart condition which is caused by stress and heart break, and that smoking doesn't help and he smokes more when he is stressed, therefore I must do the booking for him 'for the children'.

I would tell him the children are much more stressful than booking an activity and that in order to protect his health you won't be sending them.

OolieMacdoolie Sun 11-Apr-21 08:35:24

He’s being a lazy twat. Ignore him.

parsnipsnotsprouts Sun 11-Apr-21 08:37:31

Poor kids. What a joke

FanPanCan Sun 11-Apr-21 08:37:59

Yeah, no. Seriously, these men...

vodkaredbullgirl Sun 11-Apr-21 08:39:27

Lazy man

DrSbaitso Sun 11-Apr-21 08:39:50

How has he not been eaten yet?

Babdoc Sun 11-Apr-21 08:39:57

It’s a Mumsnet cliche but still true:
“No” is a complete sentence!

VettiyaIruken Sun 11-Apr-21 08:40:19

Tell him to send the money for a block of sessions upfront and you will book when he's paid whatever it is for a set of six or ten or whatever.

I bet he'll drop the idea!

BeastOfBODMAS Sun 11-Apr-21 08:41:50

Haha nope. Tell him he can employ a carer or personal assistant if he has ‘medical’ needs (smoking too much wtf!) that mean he needs help with simple tasks.

sashagabadon Sun 11-Apr-21 08:43:09

Ignore him

Poorlykitten Sun 11-Apr-21 08:45:06

Can he not pick up a phone and book it??? You might as well still be married to the chancer if you are still being coerced in to doing everything for him. No way would I be enabling this rubbish.

AIMD Sun 11-Apr-21 08:46:26

Yanbu - it’s clearly manipulation. Don’t engage at all. Either ignore it completely, or give a short response such as “no I cannot book for you. Managing plans for time with the children is your responsibility.”
It’s not your job to manage his, very limited, time with the child.

Who supervises the contact on the day?

Fizzgigg Sun 11-Apr-21 08:47:10

If the contract is supervised can the person who supervises not help him with it? No reason you should. Totally ignore.

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