Hen Party Abroad

[Strawbfields]

Hey,

I am a bridesmaid for a good friend who is absolutely insisting on having a 4/5 night hen party abroad in the summer holidays next year. Like the majority of us, I have been unable to get away with my OH or family due to the pandemic and I'd rather prioritise my family. The cost is looking to be in the region of £1000PP by the time we factor in the holiday cost, spending money and all the added extras that come with hen parties. (The brides DM is covering the brides cost)

I just think with everything that we have all gone through over the last year, it would be far better to hire out a lodge with hot tub etc and have a great time in the UK at a 1/4 of the cost.

It might also be worth mentioning the wedding has been postponed by a year due to the pandemic and a few of the girls circumstances have changed. If the wedding itself was abroad then that would be completely different, but I think it's a bit much just for a hen weekend. AIBU?

[MarieDelaere]

What do brides say when their friends say, 'I can't afford it'?

I can't think of a single female friend or relative under 40 who could conjure up a grand for a holiday right now. They're too busy stressing about bills, keeping cars on the road for work, paying for childcare, and rent/mortgage payments.

[CherryPieface]

YANBU - hope the bride to be changes her mind!

[Strawbfields]

@MarieDelaere hey, we have a group chat and when I voiced my concerns (along the lines of "look, I can't take 6 days off work for a hen party when I'm already taking 2 days off for the wedding and I also can't afford to spend £1000 on a jolly abroad because we are in the process of house hunting" I was basically told by the grooms mother that I have a year to save for it, and the bride "desperately wants to go abroad, no ifs or buts"

[Strawbfields]

@CherryPieface thanks, I hope so too although I doubt it, especially given she isn't the one paying for it!

[Nesski]

Why is it costing £1000? Are you going Vegas? I wanted mine abroad, 4 days 3 nights all in £420 each and we all had a great girls holiday. I paid £150 for a half day hen in London, and another one was £240 in Bristol with one night accommodation. Hen parties are fcking expensive.

[Strawberryfelineforever]

That is outrageous price per person for a hen party. My family aren't coming to afternoon tea for my hen because they said it's too expensive, they'd pass out if they knew your bride LOL!

[Wolfiefan]

Say you won’t be able to go. And you hope she has a lovely time. Maybe meet up and see the pics when she gets back.
Cheeky bloody mare!

[Thehop]

Keep repeating back “I’ll try, but I’m not committing to anything just incase. Hopefully we can have a party for you in the U.K. too for any of us who can’t make it”

[Strawbfields]

@Nesski hey, so because 1 of the girls works in a school it has to be during the holidays. The bride wants Marbella or Tenerife and ideally 4* plus so by the time we pay for the holiday itself, we will have meals out to cover, drinks, experiences, themed outfits etc ...

[Muchtoomuchtodo]

Just keep saying, I’m sorry I won’t be able to join you.

You’ve gone into details once. That’s enough. It’s also very cheeky to assume that everyone has money store at the end of each month to save for this purpose.

[Strawbfields]

@Strawberryfelineforever aww I am so sorry to hear this! Afternoon tea sounds lovely, when my time comes this is the kind of hen I'd have. I absolutely hate the thought of anyone having to shell out big bucks at my expense.

[MarieDelaere]

Oh gawd, not the dreaded group chat ...

If the bride, her mother and the groom's mother aren't budging, then you are going to have to say something fairly definitive asap directly to your good friend the bride outside of the group chat.

'Hey friend, I want to tell you this early on, that even next year I will not be able to afford the £1000 hen holiday or the 6 days off work. I am sorry but this won't change.'

You'll find out how good a friend she is when she either (a) understands, or (b) uninvites you to the wedding.

Don't get sucked in ffs. These weddings are slow torture.

[FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken]

Fuck that. I mean, there's being happy for your friend and wanting to celebrate with them and then there is paying 1k for the privilege.
How rude of the mum as well.
I wouldn't get into an argument. Just I cant afford that, what a shame, have a lovely time and I will celebrate with her another day.
Its mad booking anything at the moment unless it is fully refundable anyway.

[Beseigedbykillersquirrels]

That is just offensively ridiculous. Who does she think she is, expecting people to spend that amount of money and annual leave on a few nights abroad for her hen do? I'd say right now that there's no way you can commit to it and how out of the group hen do chat. She can like it or not, that's up to her. I'm surprised that others didn't see your concerns as an opportunity to agree though. Are they scared of upsetting her?

[MarieDelaere]

@Thehop

Keep repeating back “I’ll try, but I’m not committing to anything just incase. Hopefully we can have a party for you in the U.K. too for any of us who can’t make it”

I wouldn't do this. They'll take it as a Yes.

You have to say No.

[crankysaurus]

Say to her directly that you can't commit to that but would really like to organise something in the UK for those that can't go.

[Strawbfields]

Thank you so much ladies, I really appreciate your comments as I was starting to think maybe I was just being a killjoy.

The bride and I are good friends but she's the kind of person who you walk on eggshells around because she's hyper sensitive and very self absorbed. I am almost 100% certain that if I messaged her to say I can't spend that amount on a hen do she would take it personally. She has led a very spoiled life, both from her parents and partner, and telling her no is just a nightmare. As I said on my OP, if her wedding was abroad, that would be totally different, but I can't justify the money for a hen do.

[LifesNotEnidBlyton]

YANBU. I just don't get how people think it's ok to do this it seems to only happen with weddings. Imagine if you said you were having a bday party then went "Its 200 for the village hall and 400 fir caterers and booze so thatll be 25 for your ticket please". You wouldn't do it so why do people think that just because they're getting married everyone should pay up for the extravagant holiday they want to celebrate?

[Maisy84]

Ridiculous that they think you should spend a year saving for this, what about saving for a family holiday or a new boiler or all of the million things that would take priority over a hen! I’d just be nice but firm and say no, arrange a garden party for her and the guests that can’t go abroad so she can’t sulk - I bet you anything that loads more people drop out as the time gets closer!

[WingingIt101]

Crikey I’m organising a hen at the moment. It was £300 for Friday-Sunday in the uk but included accommodation, activities and food as well as a few bottles of Prosecco with the invitation for those drinking to also bring more if they wanted.

I was swiftly told my a few that they thought it was hideously expensive and they wouldn’t be coming. I rearranged so it was a fraction of the cost. Wish I’d sent them this thread to demonstrate how cheap it was 😂

[Pollypudding]

Sounds OTT to me. Not just the money either but the time off on annual leave. “ Sorry I am not able to go due to the amount of time off work. Hope you all have a lovely time- let me know if you are having a night out in the UK” leave group - 🎤
You may also lead the way for others who are not able to do this

[Strawbfields]

My OH and I have been discussing getting married ourselves and we also have our eye on a house that we'd like to put an offer on. It requires a lot of work and will eat into all of our savings and then some. We don't have the luxury of parents who have a money tree in their garden and I feel as though the bride and group chat squad don't understand this.

[AnaofBroceliande]

@Muchtoomuchtodo

Just keep saying, I’m sorry I won’t be able to join you.

You’ve gone into details once. That’s enough. It’s also very cheeky to assume that everyone has money store at the end of each month to save for this purpose.

Rinse and repeat. Keep telling her this and stick to it.

[Mixitupalot]

Jesus that’s awful, I run a business and my hen parties are uk based. 4 nights (2 day trips inc) travel & accommodation inc B&B for £325 she’s having a laugh!

[PopcornAndWine]

4-5 nights abroad and £1000 for a hen is absolutely insane. No-one but a complete twat would demand that of friends. If she really has her heart set on it, she should do the holiday with those who can afford it and organise something smaller and more low-key at home for others.