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AIBU?

My exH refusing to collect children

341 replies

mrshectic · 04/03/2021 09:40

So I will try to keep this short.

Since I moved 7 miles away to a nicer village with more space for my children (they now have their own bedroom as opposed to being squashed in together), my ex is refusing to collect them for his time with them. He doesn't own a car, but he has always used his Mums car to pick them up from the school on his time. She also does his shopping for him at least once a week and he looks after her dog regularly to do so.

He says that because I moved, it's my responsibility to get the children to him and collect them afterwards. Now I have done because it's not fair on the kids that they miss time with him. But I simply cannot keep being expected to spend time and money doing ALL of the carting around using petrol money for him to sit at home doing nothing.

I work, and try hard to homeschool our 3 kids, which he does not help with, even though he doesn't work.

AIBU? Should I suck it up and take them because he tells me he's telling the children it's my fault they won't have time with him?

Fwiw, I have asked why he suddenly won't use his Mums car as he has a support bubble with her, but he simply says it's my responsibility.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 04/03/2021 09:44

What can you do if he refuses?

Generally I think if you moved it’s up to you. But DH’s ex moved much further than that and refused to do any of the driving so he’s done every journey for years as he wants a relationship with his children. They don’t think it’s fair she refuses to do any of it.

BoyTree · 04/03/2021 09:44

He's being pretty clear about his priorities! How do the kids feel about seeing him?

TheGriffle · 04/03/2021 09:44

I think if you’ve moved further away then yes it is your responsibility to get them to him.

Ermidunno · 04/03/2021 09:45

I agree with him. So many times on here the man has moved away and the advice been it’s his responsibility to travel as he moved away. It’s not far so a bit pedantic of him but since he doesn’t have a car yes I think it’s your responsibility.

Easterbunnygettingready · 04/03/2021 09:46

When we moved my then dh and his ex had to do one way each. Court ordered...
If he can't prioritise his dc over getting one over on you are the dc really missing out?

PringleMcDingle · 04/03/2021 09:47

I would say the person who moved had responsibility to do the travelling however, it's usually much further than this when this issue comes up on here.

I think it's a bit petty over 7 miles.

mrshectic · 04/03/2021 09:48

This is just the thing though, he is supposed to collect them on the court order.
He says I’m evil and alienating his children, even though he does have access to a car... he is simply refusing.

Isn’t parental responsibility on both parents to share the pick up and collection?

OP posts:
mrshectic · 04/03/2021 09:49

It’s a 15 min bus ride or maximum of a 10 min car ride. I’ve not moved county’s!

OP posts:
Ermidunno · 04/03/2021 09:50

What was the distance between you before you moved?

needsahouseboy · 04/03/2021 09:50

I would normally say yes but as he is sat on his arse doing nothing while you are home schooling three children it's the least he can do.

7 miles is really not much to be doing for his children either.

He sounds like a right catch having his mum shopping for him?!?!

CruCru · 04/03/2021 09:50

I think this is a couple of separate issues. Do you have a contact arrangement? If you do, what does it say about travel? Depending on where you live, 7 miles isn’t all that far. How often does he have them?

However, the man sounds a bit of a prick. He tells the children it’s your fault that he won’t spend time with them, he doesn’t work. Where is the children’s school? If it is near you (presumably it is as you’ve moved) then he’s doing this to make a point.

Soubriquet · 04/03/2021 09:50

Take him to court again

TaraR2020 · 04/03/2021 09:51

For all of 7m I don't see why anything should change. Id split it halfway. You have custody and have moved in the best interests of your children, he should be willing to act in the same.
Stop pandering to a spiteful, lazy man and get him to do half.

user1471457751 · 04/03/2021 09:51

He's being pathetic. It's only 7 miles, he has access to a car and its not like he's pulling his weight with the children anyway. Sitting at home doing nothing while the OP works and homeschools 3 children.

whichcolour · 04/03/2021 09:54

7 miles is nothing. He is being ridiculous.

Peace43 · 04/03/2021 09:54

7 miles?

Ermidunno · 04/03/2021 09:55

It doesn’t say anywhere he doesn’t work. It says he’s sat on arse doing nothing for the 10 minutes OP is driving the kids.
Why should he be out of pocket. Around here a 6 mile bus ride would be £4 for an adult, no idea the cost for 2 kids. Why should he be so out of pocket because you moved?

daryldixonsdreamgirl · 04/03/2021 09:55

You have a court order that say he collects the children. A 7 mile move is not unreasonable and no court is going to change your court order for something so little, he needs to keep collecting.

Aprilx · 04/03/2021 09:56

@mrshectic

It’s a 15 min bus ride or maximum of a 10 min car ride. I’ve not moved county’s!

I have never been on a bus that has managed to cover seven miles in fifteen minutes.

You moved, I think it is reasonable you should cover the travel especially as he does not have transport. It is only ten minutes after all... so you are being very petty.
Windinmyhair · 04/03/2021 09:56

I agree with the principle but it is 7 miles and he is a lazy bastard isn’t he?

BoyTree · 04/03/2021 09:57

Why should he be out of pocket. Around here a 6 mile bus ride would be £4 for an adult, no idea the cost for 2 kids. Why should he be so out of pocket because you moved?

So that he can see his children?

whichcolour · 04/03/2021 09:58

The OP said he doesn't work.

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Blacktothepink · 04/03/2021 09:58

He’s a pathetic loser!

whichcolour · 04/03/2021 09:58

That was for Ermidunno

Ermidunno · 04/03/2021 10:00

@whichcolour so he does! I read it 3 times and couldn’t see that part.

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