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To just go with it and seem grateful

(253 Posts)
Dogatemyporridge Thu 04-Mar-21 09:08:38

Dh’s birthday today. Due to lockdown, tried my best to make it special. Baked a four sponge cake with the treats he liked, ordered big present all wrapped with balloons, toddler and I made a special packed work for lunch including party things like popcorn, marshmallows, chocolate..alongside normal sandwiches etc. All pretty silly stuff. Cue this morning, face pulling about how he’s going to take a cake that size to work (they usually take a cake to work at his workplace to share out)
Next trying to take things out of his lunch back as he’s not ‘Taking things like popcorn’ for his lunch...I ended up saying ‘Well, just put them in the bin then, just take them’ 🤷🏻‍♀️
Telling Dd to constantly ‘Calm down’ as she’s jumping around excited scout them balloons, cake etc.
Ordered a nice dinner delivery tonight of his favourite burgers (nice restaurant with steak/Angus burgers etc)
Aibu to think he could’ve just been (or at least pretended to be) a bit happier and well, more grateful 🤷🏻‍♀️

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Dogatemyporridge Thu 04-Mar-21 09:09:25

*Lunch bag

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Dogatemyporridge Thu 04-Mar-21 09:10:38

*About the balloons

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OverweightPidgeon Thu 04-Mar-21 09:12:31

Yes he could at least have acknowledged that you have made an effort to make his birthday nice. I’d say to him that you’re sad that he’s not happy with what you’ve done and because of this you won’t bother in future.

Nekoness Thu 04-Mar-21 09:13:10

I get it, but...the stuff like kiddie food in his lunch... is this “him” or is this “you”?

Because I would be grumpy if my DH made me a lunch with his (or our child’s) favourite treats instead of a special lunch with my favourites.

If the idea is all about the thought you put into it, did you make a lunch he would want or just a “fun lunch”

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl Thu 04-Mar-21 09:14:10

He probably should have tried to appear happy, but to me he sounds embarrassed rather than ungrateful. You did kind of treat him like a toddler... balloons, marshmallows, etc. I'd be feeling a bit nonplussed.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Thu 04-Mar-21 09:14:28

Not gonna lie - I'm with your husband on this.

Childish crap in a lunch to take to work?
That much fuss with an over excited toddler when I'm trying to get ready for work?


HollysBush Thu 04-Mar-21 09:18:59

Was he running late, feeling stressed? I know I feel a bit embarrassed taking cake into work(dont know why, drawing attention to myself I suppose! “Oo looks at me! It’s my birthday”) and yes, the bigger the worse it would be. He really should have been more gracious and at least tried to look thankful. Maybe he’ll apologise later.

Ownerofmultiplechimps Thu 04-Mar-21 09:20:21

I can see it from both sides tbh, my DH can be similar & for me I’m not upset that he doesn’t like the gift/effort etc it’s the delivery of the dislike & lack of acknowledgment for the effort even if it’s not quite right. You can be gracious by saying thank you but I’m not taking this/don’t like this etc. My DH would not appreciate the party food or balloons for a normal birthday (i.e not milestone) but I know this so wouldn’t do it.

Randomness12 Thu 04-Mar-21 09:20:47

I think previous posters are being a bit harsh, I think it depends how this type of thing would usually go between the two of you.

My DH would like that kind of thing as it reminds him of his childhood and demonstrates birthday fun to our DD, with a more adult celebration once she’s in bed. However, as he was getting ready for work (pretty rubbish on your birthday anyway and would put me in a bad mood) id probably have left it until after work for the celebrations and gift, balloons and a fun dinner.

I think it was perhaps just the timing?

HollysBush Thu 04-Mar-21 09:21:32

I mean, when you have a small child you often have to swallow your embarrassment when they make you a ‘necklace’ to wear or paint your nails, whatever. I guess some people are better at that than others.

BrumBoo Thu 04-Mar-21 09:22:08


Not gonna lie - I'm with your husband on this.

Childish crap in a lunch to take to work?
That much fuss with an over excited toddler when I'm trying to get ready for work?


It's popcorn, not lollipops and Billy Bear ham hmm. Next year he can sort a delicatessen bar for his colleagues and then no one at home can bother him with excitement over his birthday.

Dogatemyporridge Thu 04-Mar-21 09:22:42

@NekonessThe added stuff in his lunch box was what our toddler wanted to put in to make it ‘like a party’ 🤷🏻‍♀️We had the bits in already from a movie night and she wanted to add them, I mean, he could’ve thrown them on the way to work.

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Dogatemyporridge Thu 04-Mar-21 09:24:33

@HollysBush I set it up ready for when he’s had a wash, he then had 15 minutes or so to open a present and have us sing happy birthday..that’s it.

I didn’t actually know he wanted to take the cake to work..I wanted some 🤣I wouldn’t perhaps bought a smaller one wrapped up in that case.

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Borntohula Thu 04-Mar-21 09:25:21

Does he like popcorn and marshmallow?

I'd be happy with cake though.

ChameleonClara Thu 04-Mar-21 09:25:30


*@NekonessThe* added stuff in his lunch box was what our toddler wanted to put in to make it ‘like a party’ 🤷🏻‍♀️We had the bits in already from a movie night and she wanted to add them, I mean, he could’ve thrown them on the way to work.

Exactly - he should have made the toddler feel nice then not shared them at work.

I think he's a mardy article and wouldn't bother with the dinner!

Heyahun Thu 04-Mar-21 09:26:50

Wow how ungrateful - his child wanted to make him a party lunchbox! He could have smiled and said thank you!

FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken Thu 04-Mar-21 09:27:59

I also think he was being a bit harsh. I think when you have kids it's good to get them excited about other people birthdays and to try and think what they will get other people otherwise they will think they are the only ones that matter. She was just trying to make her dad happy, so yea he could have pretended and then taken them out somewhere not in front of her. And if itts traditional to take a cake into the office and you've gone to the effort of making him one, which always takes loads longer than you think it will, it is a bit ungracious if the only thing you comment on is how it's too big to take to work.

Dogatemyporridge Thu 04-Mar-21 09:28:01

@Borntohula That’s the thing, he loves ALL sweet things and basically eats everything and anything put in front of him.

Jesus, how hard is it to throw the popcorn & marshmallows away or simply leave them in the car 🤷🏻‍♀️

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FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken Thu 04-Mar-21 09:28:14

What effort does he make on your birthday

MyLittleOrangutan Thu 04-Mar-21 09:30:38

He sounds like a mardy old man. Someones gone to a special effort for you, you appreciate that.

Also, he took the whole cake to work? So neither you nor DD get any? That's really shit.

Anoisagusaris Thu 04-Mar-21 09:30:52

I’d have been pissed off he took the cake I’d made to work instead of having it at home with his child!

Dogatemyporridge Thu 04-Mar-21 09:31:26

@FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken That’s it, I mean I come from a family who always makes an effort on birthdays, as it’s supposed to be the one day you feel a bit special. He doesn’t and we’ve had issues on him rarely making an effort on mine over the years, think a card and shop bought cake..that’s it.
Since Dd has come along, it is fun to get her involved, as it’s exciting to her, plus things are depressing enough as they are at the moment, any reason to celebrate anything helps.

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WellThisIsShit Thu 04-Mar-21 09:31:35

Stupid idiot... ungrateful much?!

Dogatemyporridge Thu 04-Mar-21 09:33:00

@MyLittleOrangutan @Anoisagusaris No I did cut a piece for her first 🤣I’m assuming he may bring it back as there’s only four of them there and it’s a beast of a cake..!

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