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How would you handle this childminder situation?

(93 Posts)
Pinkpurplepurple Wed 03-Mar-21 09:05:49

NC as possibly identifying

Sorry this is long

My DD started with a childminder early 2020 when she was approx 1 year old. Me and DH are both key workers so she kept her space through lockdown.

At first everything was absolutely fine and DD loved going but it seemed out of nowhere something switched and childminder took a dislike towards us. Was very snappy, very critical of DD (e.g. criticising that she wasn't able to fully use cutlery yet etc)
She also kept sending DD home saying she had diarrhea . I don't have a problem with sending her home is she is ill but it was literally every week and she never had diarrhea before or after coming home from childminders. It got to the point where we paid in full for 3 months of childcare but she was only in 2 or 3 days. (She went 2 days a week)

We looked for alternate childcare but was difficult to find anywhere in lockdown. The final straw came when she sent me a message again criticising that DD would not use cutlery. She then sent a video to 'prove her point'. It was horrible, DD was obviously very very upset and childminder was trying to force her to use cutlery and was being very snarky / mean to DD when she was too upset to do it. It was horrible to watch. We immediately collected her, paid our 8 weeks notice and kept DD home and used leave / family help to cover childcare around work.

I was very upset about what happened but DP said we should let it go. We found a new childminder who is lovely and DD is so happy.
However it has now come out that the original childminder had badmouthed us to various people, saying we were neglectful parents, saying DD obviously had an allergy causing the bad tummy but we just ignored it and lied about it and various other things. This has made me extremely angry, it is not true and how well DD is doing at new childminders with none of the previous issues shows this.

I am now in a position I want to do something about first childminder. I still have the video she sent me which anyone I have shown has said it borders on abusive. However original childminder has now moved to a different part of the country and I don't think is childminding anymore. So what can I do? I have looked up reporting to ofsted but I'm not sure they would care considering she is no longer childminding. I have thought about messaging her to confront her on her behaviour but I think she would just double down on what she has said. Any suggestions of further steps I could take at this point?

OP’s posts: |
Finfintytint Wed 03-Mar-21 09:09:48

Who is sharing the bad mouthing about you? I’d speak to them if it affects your relationship with them or ignore completely.
OFSTED can’t really do much if she’s not childminding.

Aprilx Wed 03-Mar-21 09:15:40

Who is she badmouthing you to? As she has moved to another part of the country and is no longer child minding, I am really not sure what there is for you to gain here. My advice would be to draw a line.

Thesearmsofmine Wed 03-Mar-21 09:16:30

So she had mouthed you and has now moved away from the area and no longer childminds? If that is the case then I don’t there is much you can do tbh, if she out of the area she will soon be forgotten and anyone who knows you will know what kind of parent you are.

ChaosMoon Wed 03-Mar-21 09:17:23

Report it to OFSTED. No, they probably can't do much of she's not childminding but, if she starts up again in future, they need to know. They may also be able to advise if there's anything else you can do.

Thesearmsofmine Wed 03-Mar-21 09:17:47

I would keep hold of the video and any other communication though.

ChelseaCat Wed 03-Mar-21 09:18:40

I would still be tempted to report to OFSTED - she might not be minding at the moment but she may do it again in the future

Your poor little girl - sounds horrible for her

yumscrumfatbum Wed 03-Mar-21 09:19:57

What a horrible experience for you and your daughter. I'd speak to Ofsted anyway if it were me, they may be able to advise you even if she isn't currently registered. There is every possibility she will reregister in the future.

DayBath Wed 03-Mar-21 09:21:22

Put the video on Facebook but edit it using an app so your child's face is blocked out. Leave no comment on the video just tag her former childminding service in. Let people judge for themselves what they think of her "skills".

It will probably result in a royal rumble but I can't see that it would break any laws if you make no comment. I don't have time for people like this. Let the truth stand for itself, if she's so perfect then she has nothing to fear by being exposed does she?

Sycamoretrees Wed 03-Mar-21 09:21:29

It is still worth contacting Ofsted, she may well restart child minding and you have some very legitimate concerns about children left in her care.

SionnachGlic Wed 03-Mar-21 09:22:02

I wouldn't have paid her any notice period, I would have fired her ass. And I would be telling anyone who would listen that you did for mistreating your DD. If there is a forum for complaints about childminders, then contact them & make one. Keep that video.

Lillypup Wed 03-Mar-21 09:25:56

I would absolutely report it. She could take up childminding in the future. How dare she take an actual video of your daughters distress? How dare she then send it to you as 'proof'? If she has been badmouthing you, and she sounds like a total bitch, then how do you know she hasn't also showed people the video as 'proof'? You don't. So report her ass all the way to OFSTED and let them be the ones to decide what, if anything, should be done.

She sounds awful. I'm glad you now have piece of mind with the new childminder.

ThePlantsitter Wed 03-Mar-21 09:28:34

I might tell Ofsted but I would probably email her using very formal language and tell her to stop discussing your and DD at all with anyone or you will be forced to take things further using the video she sent you an evidence.

What a cow! But I wouldn't do any of it publicly (eg Facebook) because tbh that would make you look worse than whatever she said (imo).

DayBath Wed 03-Mar-21 09:31:25

You don't need a solicitor to send a standard cease and desist letter (although if you wanted to use one it does look more intimating coming from them). You can print example letters online.

Getoutofbed25 Wed 03-Mar-21 09:33:07

I agree with others you need to report this. If this childminder begins minding again it’s important the regulator is aware. She may need training or they may not allow her to register but it will help in ensuring no other child goes through this and if there are further complaints there is a history. It could be that the regulator decides to take further action. I see it as your civic duty to report your concerns to help protect other vulnerable people.

TradedAtlanta Wed 03-Mar-21 09:35:48

Gosh this is so distressing to read. How awful for your LO and family to go through this. It's perfectly possible that she was having diarrhoea, driven by fear and distress at being treated that way by the childminder. Maybe the childminder was wanting to get you to take your child out and pay her wages so she could move? In any case, I second the recommendation to report to OFSTED anyway so that this will be on her record if she ever wants to work with children again. Honestly I feel so angry for you - it's hard enough to leave your child with someone else without having this happen. So glad you've found a childminder you can feel safe with.

PhatPhanny Wed 03-Mar-21 09:35:49

I would 100% report this to Ofsted, she may not be a childminder now, but she was at the time of the videos.

Would her spreading such things count as GDPR? Failed safeguarding? If she legitimately felt that way and didn't report it?

Im sorry your child went through that and I hope they continue to thrive at the new childminder.

OverTheRainbow88 Wed 03-Mar-21 09:37:15

I would defo report to Ofsted, as she may start child minding again once she’s settled in her new area. She shouldn’t be looking after any children.

I’m glad your DD has settled with a new lovely Cm

minniemango Wed 03-Mar-21 09:39:12

Report to Ofsted and send them the video. They can block her from working with children in the future.

tracker222 Wed 03-Mar-21 09:41:34

That is awful. I'd definitely report it to Ofsted. She may not be childminding now but might start up again in the future. She sounds awful.

KarmaStar Wed 03-Mar-21 09:43:48

I'm glad your dc is happy now op and hopefully she will forget about the last one.
I would report as she might still be working with children in some capacity even if it's not as a registered child minder.

Pinkpurplepurple Wed 03-Mar-21 09:44:23

Thank you everyone for your replies. I have sent an email to ofsted this morning asking if it is something they would look into / keep on file for the future in case she takes up childminding again.

To answer some questions:
She spoke badly about us to our new childminder. Our new childminder seemed happily surprised at how well DD settled / was eating when she started and in conversation it came up that original childminder had essentially tried to warn her of taking DD by saying bad things about us / DD.

New childminder also has a friend who I believe is a teacher who also knew original childminder. This teacher had apparently seen the video of DD (we never sent this to anyone) so I believe is safe to assume original childminder has sent this and badmouthed us to this teacher. And if she has done it with this teacher who knows how many other people she has spoken to.

I still feel very angry at how this childminder has behaved and although I will follow up on a complaint with ofsted if they are interested I still feel unsatisfied like I want to do more

OP’s posts: |
DayBath Wed 03-Mar-21 09:46:38

So she sent a video of your child to someone other than her parents without your permission? That is a massive breach of guidelines, I would definitely stress that part to Ofsted.

Footle Wed 03-Mar-21 09:46:58

It's very odd that she sent you a video which shows her in such a bad light. She doesn't sound very bright, for a start.

DayBath Wed 03-Mar-21 09:49:03

Contact the ICO, childminders are supposed to comply with their rules regarding keeping images of children safe. It may well be that in sharing the video she has broken the law, and quitting the profession doesn't mean she is immune from punishment.

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